A little example of my autism, ADD, maybe OCD, lack of willpower and discipline and general retardation.

[Deleted member 7448]

I've told this partly before but I'll add more details.

This example relates to Minecraft.

I have this weird obsession with Minecraft, I get in these cycles were for a few months I keep installing and uninstalling and reinstalling Minecraft every single day. I do this for a few months every day, then eventually I stop for a few months and then it eventually starts again. I hate it.

More details: I don't do this simply with Minecraft, no that would be too easy. I do it with MODDED Minecraft, which means that every time I install/uninstall it, it takes a lot longer, cause to install and load modpacks isn't exactly quick, it takes a bit of fuckery for 20 minutes.

Why do I do this? It's a perfect example of my retardation. See, for years I've tried to fill the void in my life with a game, searching for a game to play and really captivate me, instead of just rotting by watching TV shows on my laptop or browsing youtube/reddit. And for years I spend hours every day searching for a game. Anyway, modded Minecraft is such a BIG, huge, diverse game with so many things to do, that it fits my needs perfectly.

And I get strong, strong cravings to play modded Minecraft (vanilla with no mods is too boring). And so I install a modpack (a fairly annoying process since I uninstall everything fully every time, takes a while to reinstall everything). BUT OHH NO, I start playing and I lose all motivation or interest or craving. Fuck. So I force myself to play a bit till I inevitably think "ok, that's it, THIS TIME FOR SURE, I won't play anymore. I will uninstall and NEVER reinstall". Lo and behold, tomorrow (or even a few hours later, sometimes I do this like 2 or even in extreme cases like 4 or even 5 times a day), I reinstall either another modpack or this modpack etc...

And every single time I think: when installing "this time for sure I will play for a long time!", when uninstalling "this time for sure I will uninstall for good and never reinstall it, fuck this game!". And yet the process repeats, over and over. BUT EVERY SINGLE time I think that I'll stop, but I don't. Sometimes I even tell myself "listen up you fuckwit, this time if you don't stop then you have to slap yourself in the face". And yet I just have no willpower so I repeat it.

Minecraft is just so vast and diverse so that's why it activates my cravings. Especially since it has some elements that I really like, a big sandbox with depth and variety and so many things to do. But as strong as the cravings are, as soon as I play I lose all interest. I even tried to change that by playing on servers, but modded servers suck and they lag and shit and there's few players and other problems, so singleplayer is the way to go, but that makes me lose interest even quicker.

In conclusion, idk what mental illness causes this, a person to keep uninstalling and reinstalling and fully meaning for that to be the end of it for good every single time, only to repeat it hours later or the next day. And if you wonder why I don't just leave it installed and pick it up later when I want to play? It doesn't work that way, I fully convince myself that I want to play it or that I want to get rid of it. And I can't just have it installed cause it just stays in my OCD mind and it bugs me, so I have to open it up and play, but then I lose interest and uninstall it. And there's a lot of different "justifications" I make in my mind for installing or uninstalling. For example, the last time I told myself "I just got to finish 1 modpack and then I'll be rid of this craving for good, never again!". And so I start playing and it wasn't even 1 hour till I uninstalled it, fully intending to play before that though. God damn this is a weird thing to do.

Ohh right, so I basically only really played the first few hours of modded Minecraft over and over and over, without actually getting to any of the more advanced parts. Cause I play for a few hours at best before uninstalling, so I'm still such a noob at modded Minecraft despite probably having hundreds of hours spent just replaying the few hours over and over. God I hate those parts already, they make me sick. I want to stop but I can't for some reason.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I just play the game instead, for several months at a time every once in a while. I've got the same save file and same version of the game I had back in college, and I just keep digging out a giant quarry that I started by leveling an entire mountain.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I just play the game instead, for several months at a time every once in a while. I've got the same save file and same version of the game I had back in college, and I just keep digging out a giant quarry that I started by leveling an entire mountain.

I envy that, that's exactly what I wanted to have and the exact opposite of what ends up happening, every time I keep deleting no matter how much I swear to myself that this installation will last a while, but it doesn't.

 

[Incellectual]

you should just keep it installed ngl, but with the OCD component behind it that would be hard tbh.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

I'm the same but with FIFA career mode. I have so many different saves where I only got to the early season before I got bored and started a new one. And every time I start one I think to myself "this is the one" "I'm gonna get through at least one entire season without getting bored and starting over with a different team this time"

I even get it with Minecraft too. Every time I'll start a new creative or survival world I think "this is the one, where I'm gonna build a massive city and complete the game" and then I get bored after making 1 building.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

you should just keep it installed ngl, but with the OCD component behind it that would be hard tbh.

Yeah, I constantly had this thought "dude, just STOP, just keep this one installed even if you don't like it, ignore it for a few weeks and when you want to play just play intermittently". But it just doesn't work for some reason, my brain can't do it. My brain can't moderate, I can't just balance things, I either go all the way and play as much as I can, or I don't play at all. And if it's installed it just keeps nagging at me, like a scab you just want to pull off.

I'm the same but with FIFA career mode. I have so many different saves where I only got to the early season before I got bored and started a new one. And every time I start one I think to myself "this is the one" "I'm gonna get through at least one entire season without getting bored and starting over with a different team this time"

I even get it with Minecraft too. Every time I'll start a new creative or survival world I think "this is the one, where I'm gonna build a massive city and complete the game" and then I get bored after making 1 building.

Damn, it really does feel like a curse sometimes. We're not even enjoying ourselves, we're just repeating the boring parts we've already been through, instead of bearing with it till we get to something new. And yet our brains continue to torture us and not let us enjoy ourselves, instead repeating this cycle of meaningless, pointless, absurd self-torture.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I envy that, that's exactly what I wanted to have and the exact opposite of what ends up happening, every time I keep deleting no matter how much I swear to myself that this installation will last a while, but it doesn't.

It is a good way to cope, I have a systematic process to dig out the quarry layer by layer, and I usually do it when I'm more depressed than usual. I'll throw on music and let the mundane task of digging consume my mind.

 

[Incellectual]

Yeah, I constantly had this thought "dude, just STOP, just keep this one installed even if you don't like it, ignore it for a few weeks and when you want to play just play intermittently". But it just doesn't work for some reason, my brain can't do it. My brain can't moderate, I can't just balance things, I either go all the way and play as much as I can, or I don't play at all. And if it's installed it just keeps nagging at me, like a scab you just want to pull off.

Damn, it really does feel like a curse sometimes. We're not even enjoying ourselves, we're just repeating the boring parts we've already been through, instead of bearing with it till we get to something new. And yet our brains continue to torture us and not let us enjoy ourselves, instead repeating this cycle of meaningless, pointless, absurd self-torture.

sadly with OCD the main treatment for it is just "teehee dont do the compulsions sweaty" which isn't really that helpful at all.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

It is a good way to cope, I have a systematic process to dig out the quarry layer by layer, and I usually do it when I'm more depressed than usual. I'll throw on music and let the mundane task of digging consume my mind.

That's why I can't play vanilla Minecraft, knowing that things like that which take hours and days in Vanilla can be done in minutes with mods. Like, I can just use the Builder from RFTools and configure it and it starts digging out layer by layer exactly how you configure it.

sadly with OCD the main treatment for it is just "teehee dont do the compulsions sweaty" which isn't really that helpful at all.

Yep, people don't get it. And I don't even have a bad case of OCD, it's just mild shit like this. Can't even imagine what the poor souls who have strong OCD feel.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

https://incels.is/threads/vicious-circle-of-collecting-and-cleaning.267980/

I have the same problem.

Ohh wow, interesting. Do you know why we do this? Is it OCD or ADD or autism or a mixture of all?

 

[Deleted member 7448]

OCD. There are many other symptoms (this is the latest), e.g. when I put down things, I check symetry; when I close the door of my room, I pressure them a few times to make sure that they're completely closed despite the fact that I know they are; before fapping I look at upper edges of walls of my room in order to find cameras, despite the fact that I know it's completely pointless. I always feel the same retarded kind of urge.

Damn, I had these kinds of symptoms too when I was younger. I don't want to remember them all cause I kinda blocked it out of my mind, and if I remember I might start having these ticks again. I remember for example I'd snap my neck to the side a few times, I'd clear my throat obsessively, I'd blink really hard a few times in a row very often, or maybe just closing 1 eye really repeatedly. There's some I still do to this day but nobody knows about them and I'll keep it that way.

 

[kikecel]

the moment you said that this example relates to minecraft it already showed your autism
feel you bro

 

[Deleted member 7448]

the moment you said that this example relates to minecraft it already showed your autism
feel you bro

Lol, if simply Minecraft means autism, then what I have here is turbo autism on steroids on crack.

 

[Deleted member 29003]

it's tough to stay dedicated to any one subject or event when we are bombarded by more useless distractions than ever before. just consume into mediocrity in almost every sense.

 

[bignose]

or even a few hours later, sometimes I do this like 2 or even in extreme cases like 4 or even 5 times a day

 

[Haywire]

you brain mog me.

 

[latin_elioth]

I can absolutely relate to this. I could have a shit tone of examples that I could give you about my daily life. For example, obsessing with games (that I know I have not time to play), download them, and never play them. I do know where this shit come from, it cant be normal

 

[ULTRAMAN]

something like that happened to me a long time ago, but instead of video games, they were windows applications and programs. in the old site called "tucows" i would download countless programs that appeared, i would download them whether they were useful or not, it was like trying things out. until one day that ended. later i found out that this was called "distro hopping" which also happens to people with linux distributions. today i only download things that necessarily call my attention both in programs and video games, so i infer that it is something that the passage of time solves it. for some years now it also happens to me that I download videogames and I hardly play them or not even the games and I end up deleting them. weeks or months go by when I don't play any videogame. I only live with youtube and participate in forums.

 

[InMyCellInHell]

it's tough to stay dedicated to any one subject or event when we are bombarded by more useless distractions than ever before. just consume into mediocrity in almost every sense.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

something like that happened to me a long time ago, but instead of video games, they were windows applications and programs. in the old site called "tucows" i would download countless programs that appeared, i would download them whether they were useful or not, it was like trying things out. until one day that ended. later i found out that this was called "distro hopping" which also happens to people with linux distributions. today i only download things that necessarily call my attention both in programs and video games, so i infer that it is something that the passage of time solves it. for some years now it also happens to me that I download videogames and I hardly play them or not even the games and I end up deleting them. weeks or months go by when I don't play any videogame. I only live with youtube and participate in forums.

I relate with not playing video games despite intending to every day. I fully think "today I will play X", and yet time flies with me just having watched youtube and reddit. But this shit with the installing and uninstalling is just nuts, I'm nuts.

 

[ThisLifeKillsMe]

This is not OCD, OP is just a faggot.

 

[The Abyss]

If I break your hands you can't do that anymore but then you also can't jerk the turk so it's a tradeoff.

 

[Cope_Time]

Motivation mogs me, I can't even install games.