Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
I often find myself thinking "wait, I forgot, what caused this incredibly shit feeling?", and then I try to recall why I am feeling so anxious and stressed. Like, I think back, trying to identify what happened today that made me feel like something incredibly bad has happened.
Here's the thing: nothing really causes it most of the time. It's just my own mind torturing me.
On top of the depression, anxiety etc... I just have so many bad memories that there's no moment of peace. There's always some stressful memory that pops in my head to ensure I don't feel good. So even if everything is alright at the moment, something will always cause me stress. On the other hand, even if I managed to stabilize my anxiety and memories for a while, then there's another angle that I am tortured by. I start thinking about the future. So if the past isn't haunting me, if the regrets or guilt or horrible memories aren't haunting me, then the future is. And the future is scary as hell. My parents getting even older than they are now, all the bad things associated with aging, my cat getting older too, me wageslaving for years at a shit job in this 3rd world shithole for pennies while my parents, the only 2 people in my life, that I love dearly, are getting older and inevitably sicker and closer to death.
Here's the thing: nothing really causes it most of the time. It's just my own mind torturing me.
On top of the depression, anxiety etc... I just have so many bad memories that there's no moment of peace. There's always some stressful memory that pops in my head to ensure I don't feel good. So even if everything is alright at the moment, something will always cause me stress. On the other hand, even if I managed to stabilize my anxiety and memories for a while, then there's another angle that I am tortured by. I start thinking about the future. So if the past isn't haunting me, if the regrets or guilt or horrible memories aren't haunting me, then the future is. And the future is scary as hell. My parents getting even older than they are now, all the bad things associated with aging, my cat getting older too, me wageslaving for years at a shit job in this 3rd world shithole for pennies while my parents, the only 2 people in my life, that I love dearly, are getting older and inevitably sicker and closer to death.
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