Over the last few years I've developed certain habits.
I can't distinguish what happens in my head vs what I actually do most of the time. For example I have to check if I locked my car about 10 times. And that number is not an exaggeration. I'll put it in my head that I locked it and then I'll walk away and then mid walk I'll start thinking I didn't. And I won't be able to rest until I go back and check even though I already did it 9 times. I do the same with everything. I have to get up 4 times to make sure whether or not I turned off the stove, the bathroom light, if I left the water running. I check my wallet 30 times to make sure nothing fell off even though it hasn't moved from my desk all day. I'm unsure if most of the conversations I had happened or not. I keep checking my whatsapp to make sure I didn't accidently send my boss a message even though I haven't opened whatsapp in days. Generally speaking my memory is fine. I don't know why this is happening or when it started but I can't stop.
Another thing is that I'm angry all the fucking time. I take every little thing as a disrespect. I used to be so careless while driving for example but now I honk 24/7 and yell at people. I feel like everyone is an idiot except me 50% of the time, and the other 50% I feel like I'm the only idiot.
I also can't tell time apart. Some days I'll have sequences where I'll keep looking at my watch every 2 minutes unsure how much time has passed. Like I'll be playing a video game and I have to keep pausing every 2 minutes to check how much time has passed. LITERALLY every 2 minutes. Like 30 times in a row for an hour. and it feels like an hour every time.
These might seem like OCD traits, but I literally had none of these even just a few years ago. They developed in the last 3 years when I was around 23. I am literally not the same person I was in any regard. Like NONE of my personality traits are the same. I look at pics of myself as a child and I cry. Like that's a different person. And I literally turned out to be everything I thought I'd never be.
Maybe it's the internet that ruined me, maybe it's isolation from a normal social life. I don't know.
I can't distinguish what happens in my head vs what I actually do most of the time. For example I have to check if I locked my car about 10 times. And that number is not an exaggeration. I'll put it in my head that I locked it and then I'll walk away and then mid walk I'll start thinking I didn't. And I won't be able to rest until I go back and check even though I already did it 9 times. I do the same with everything. I have to get up 4 times to make sure whether or not I turned off the stove, the bathroom light, if I left the water running. I check my wallet 30 times to make sure nothing fell off even though it hasn't moved from my desk all day. I'm unsure if most of the conversations I had happened or not. I keep checking my whatsapp to make sure I didn't accidently send my boss a message even though I haven't opened whatsapp in days. Generally speaking my memory is fine. I don't know why this is happening or when it started but I can't stop.
Another thing is that I'm angry all the fucking time. I take every little thing as a disrespect. I used to be so careless while driving for example but now I honk 24/7 and yell at people. I feel like everyone is an idiot except me 50% of the time, and the other 50% I feel like I'm the only idiot.
I also can't tell time apart. Some days I'll have sequences where I'll keep looking at my watch every 2 minutes unsure how much time has passed. Like I'll be playing a video game and I have to keep pausing every 2 minutes to check how much time has passed. LITERALLY every 2 minutes. Like 30 times in a row for an hour. and it feels like an hour every time.
These might seem like OCD traits, but I literally had none of these even just a few years ago. They developed in the last 3 years when I was around 23. I am literally not the same person I was in any regard. Like NONE of my personality traits are the same. I look at pics of myself as a child and I cry. Like that's a different person. And I literally turned out to be everything I thought I'd never be.
Maybe it's the internet that ruined me, maybe it's isolation from a normal social life. I don't know.
