Went to a psychiatrist a couple of days ago, was a big office with several other mental health officials, at the behest of a therapist, who more or less told me that he couldnt do much more for me than teach me mindfulness and meditation techniques to help me with feeling like a freak outside, had no answer of course how that should help me out with my daily activities, cant just do meditation during a group meeting at work when Im close to freaking out.
So I hoped that the psychiatrist might tell me something different, a bit more substantial, and that he might prescribe me some meds that make it easier for myself to go about daily routines and get to bed with a better feeling, something like microdosing mdma or something.
The appointment was a fucking nightmare. Fucking waiting room was almost directly taken from "Whatever", bunch of people staring into the abyss without getting noticed, some retarded man mumbling on and on in his innocent talk, foid that was with him just going "mhuh" the entire time without actually listening, a roastie holding her phone up right to her face, staring on it mindlessly, everyone there just appeared like they needed a well meant hug above all, nobody of the staff gave a single fuck, treated people including me like they were either faulty robots at an assembly line or just like we didnt exist at all, no smiles, no friendly remarks, no fucking "get well", no nothing.
Eventually, an hour later than appointed, it was my turn. Entered the office of the psychiatrist, middle aged man staring on, flickered a weak smile when I looked him in the face and said hello, then dropped it, didnt get up for me, didnt shake my hand. Told him why I was there, gave him the papers of the other 3-4 doctors I had had screening appointments with, that attested me having a major depression and social anxiety. Waited a bit for him to say what he could do for me, instead he just said "So tell me what is your problem?". Was a bit confused but what can you do, have at least to try to play along at first and told him the short version: "Have major trouble talking to other people, feel like its a masquerading game the entire time, like I always have to guess what makes the opposite person happy otherwise I get treated like an outcast. Stressed out by it, cant take it anymore functioning like an automaton, have tried everything to alter my behaviour and make it easier, but its sink or swim all day every day, doesnt get better." Also told him explicitly how I have no contact whatsoever to foids and how this is really weighing me down.
Here comes the first banger: That fucker showed no fucking sympathy for my situation or at least for my obvious distress, Im a grown ass man, I dont talk about this shit like that normally, I was doing it with him because Im desperate as fuck and need a solution. Asshole stifled his discontent visibly then responded: "So whats the issue exactly, what do you think am I supposed to do for you?" Didnt even look me in the face while he said it, I began becoming massively irritated at his apparent indifference to my life situation, had to go through it again how this shit impairs my life and is driving me into depression.
Second banger followed right after: Instead of making an effort to actually talk to me and come up with something of his own, he just blatantly told me to go somewhere else, daycare center or to try talking therapy, the very fucking thing that I have already done and where I was referred to go to a fucking psychiatrist. Its like nobody actually wants to help me, they just try to push the responsibility on each other to deal with people who are struggling. Naturally I told him the former, that I had already done that shit and waited 6 fucking weeks for this appointment as the EARLIEST opportunity, and when he still had nothing to say really, I despaired and got fucking pissed. Alluded to the fact that his office apparently was hopelessly overrun and that he couldnt really take his time to care for his clients properly, a diplomatic way of saying that he doesnt actually give a shit about me.
THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE TOOK IT PERSONALLY. A fucking mental health PRO FUCKING FESSIONAL took it PERSONALLY when I, the distressed patient voiced my concern about being treated correctly. Got fucking agitated and defensive, how he could do nothing else for me and that I was wrong in my opinion, how he had already sacrificed 20 WHOLE MINUTES (JFL) talking about my LIFE, when I fucking went there desperately to get help to stop rotting when I told him upfront that I didnt know what to do anymore. Did however prescribe me meds, perhaps to secure his ass should I talk about his "treatment" to someone else.
At first I didnt want to leave, felt nauseated, like I needed to cleave his skull in right then and there, this fucking arrogant, negligent prick, then continue murdering his staff, who didnt show me a shred of sympathy either, Im on my last fucking legs, you can see that shit, got myself under control however, despite all the despair, despite it all coming crashing down again, bit myself hard in the hand, hit myself a few times in the head to feel pain and get myself from just starting to scream on my way out and left for good.
Real fuckin banger, the grande finale greeted me at home though: Got my pills, read the sheet of paper for more information on them, that gigantic fucking asshole hadnt said anything to me what kind of stuff it is *drum roll*:
Fucking pills are used for treating schizophrenia and hysterics, aint that just a double fucking rainbow? Additionally theyre used for mentally retarded minors and aggressive alzheimer patients, JFL. Im not quite sure if he just wanted to rib on me for speaking out against his methods or if hes so damn incompetent to actually believe Im seeing spirits and spooks and have issues with violent behaviour although my record is clean as fuck and Ive never actually attacked anyone. Can this fucker actually possess so little empathy as to mistake the utter fucking despair of a depressed person for violent tendencies?
tl;dr went to a psychiatrist, asshole didnt give a fuck about my situation, referred me to somewhere else and gave me pills that are used for treating schizophrenia when I had given him referals of other "professional" that said I was depressed/socially anxious
FUCK EVERYONE THAT SAYS PSYCHOSOMETHINGBULLSHIT IS THERE TO HELP. Its fucking not, They dont give a fuck, they are creating fucking ERs on purpose, they throw people who have minor troubles a few scraps until theyre fine on their own accord and everyone else gets the boot, literally have them commit suicide or go ER, what a fucking joke. Dont know what to do about these pills, they are hilariously inappropiate for my situation but at the same time they might numb me enough to be unable to see just how much people dont like me, could be a short term fix but Im afraid as for the long term consequences of doing that for a month or two.
So I hoped that the psychiatrist might tell me something different, a bit more substantial, and that he might prescribe me some meds that make it easier for myself to go about daily routines and get to bed with a better feeling, something like microdosing mdma or something.
The appointment was a fucking nightmare. Fucking waiting room was almost directly taken from "Whatever", bunch of people staring into the abyss without getting noticed, some retarded man mumbling on and on in his innocent talk, foid that was with him just going "mhuh" the entire time without actually listening, a roastie holding her phone up right to her face, staring on it mindlessly, everyone there just appeared like they needed a well meant hug above all, nobody of the staff gave a single fuck, treated people including me like they were either faulty robots at an assembly line or just like we didnt exist at all, no smiles, no friendly remarks, no fucking "get well", no nothing.
Eventually, an hour later than appointed, it was my turn. Entered the office of the psychiatrist, middle aged man staring on, flickered a weak smile when I looked him in the face and said hello, then dropped it, didnt get up for me, didnt shake my hand. Told him why I was there, gave him the papers of the other 3-4 doctors I had had screening appointments with, that attested me having a major depression and social anxiety. Waited a bit for him to say what he could do for me, instead he just said "So tell me what is your problem?". Was a bit confused but what can you do, have at least to try to play along at first and told him the short version: "Have major trouble talking to other people, feel like its a masquerading game the entire time, like I always have to guess what makes the opposite person happy otherwise I get treated like an outcast. Stressed out by it, cant take it anymore functioning like an automaton, have tried everything to alter my behaviour and make it easier, but its sink or swim all day every day, doesnt get better." Also told him explicitly how I have no contact whatsoever to foids and how this is really weighing me down.
Here comes the first banger: That fucker showed no fucking sympathy for my situation or at least for my obvious distress, Im a grown ass man, I dont talk about this shit like that normally, I was doing it with him because Im desperate as fuck and need a solution. Asshole stifled his discontent visibly then responded: "So whats the issue exactly, what do you think am I supposed to do for you?" Didnt even look me in the face while he said it, I began becoming massively irritated at his apparent indifference to my life situation, had to go through it again how this shit impairs my life and is driving me into depression.
Second banger followed right after: Instead of making an effort to actually talk to me and come up with something of his own, he just blatantly told me to go somewhere else, daycare center or to try talking therapy, the very fucking thing that I have already done and where I was referred to go to a fucking psychiatrist. Its like nobody actually wants to help me, they just try to push the responsibility on each other to deal with people who are struggling. Naturally I told him the former, that I had already done that shit and waited 6 fucking weeks for this appointment as the EARLIEST opportunity, and when he still had nothing to say really, I despaired and got fucking pissed. Alluded to the fact that his office apparently was hopelessly overrun and that he couldnt really take his time to care for his clients properly, a diplomatic way of saying that he doesnt actually give a shit about me.
THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE TOOK IT PERSONALLY. A fucking mental health PRO FUCKING FESSIONAL took it PERSONALLY when I, the distressed patient voiced my concern about being treated correctly. Got fucking agitated and defensive, how he could do nothing else for me and that I was wrong in my opinion, how he had already sacrificed 20 WHOLE MINUTES (JFL) talking about my LIFE, when I fucking went there desperately to get help to stop rotting when I told him upfront that I didnt know what to do anymore. Did however prescribe me meds, perhaps to secure his ass should I talk about his "treatment" to someone else.
At first I didnt want to leave, felt nauseated, like I needed to cleave his skull in right then and there, this fucking arrogant, negligent prick, then continue murdering his staff, who didnt show me a shred of sympathy either, Im on my last fucking legs, you can see that shit, got myself under control however, despite all the despair, despite it all coming crashing down again, bit myself hard in the hand, hit myself a few times in the head to feel pain and get myself from just starting to scream on my way out and left for good.
Real fuckin banger, the grande finale greeted me at home though: Got my pills, read the sheet of paper for more information on them, that gigantic fucking asshole hadnt said anything to me what kind of stuff it is *drum roll*:
Fucking pills are used for treating schizophrenia and hysterics, aint that just a double fucking rainbow? Additionally theyre used for mentally retarded minors and aggressive alzheimer patients, JFL. Im not quite sure if he just wanted to rib on me for speaking out against his methods or if hes so damn incompetent to actually believe Im seeing spirits and spooks and have issues with violent behaviour although my record is clean as fuck and Ive never actually attacked anyone. Can this fucker actually possess so little empathy as to mistake the utter fucking despair of a depressed person for violent tendencies?
tl;dr went to a psychiatrist, asshole didnt give a fuck about my situation, referred me to somewhere else and gave me pills that are used for treating schizophrenia when I had given him referals of other "professional" that said I was depressed/socially anxious
FUCK EVERYONE THAT SAYS PSYCHOSOMETHINGBULLSHIT IS THERE TO HELP. Its fucking not, They dont give a fuck, they are creating fucking ERs on purpose, they throw people who have minor troubles a few scraps until theyre fine on their own accord and everyone else gets the boot, literally have them commit suicide or go ER, what a fucking joke. Dont know what to do about these pills, they are hilariously inappropiate for my situation but at the same time they might numb me enough to be unable to see just how much people dont like me, could be a short term fix but Im afraid as for the long term consequences of doing that for a month or two.
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