7:00 AM
Brazil
December 25th, 2019
Greetings dear reader, throughout our lives we've been conditioned to love other people and seek out real companionship, but in some cases... special cases, the love between an inanimate object and a human person can flourish in the most unlikely circumstances. Let's enter this.
It was a Christmas morning in Brazil, a young man by the name of Sigma had just woke out of bed and was getting ready for his day. So he got out his crutches and limped his 500lb body to the breakfast table to demand tendies and milkies from his mummy.
"Mummy, gib tendies or I will shit all over your floor"
His "mummy" had an achieved countenance, perhaps to be blamed on her failure of a son draining her energy and resources eternally. Why she ever gave birth to him, was an absolute mystery.
"Of course son, it's in the spirit of the holidays after all"
Christmas was a special time for his family to gather and share happy memories, he, however, was entrapped to carry out his sacred duty. The hero's burden, that was to nobly post about virgins all day with poorly made titles and jokes about them committing suicide. He took his carton of soy milk and tendies and waddled back to his room with the food.
"These people will never get me"
He takes a swig of the soymilk and shoves 10 tenders into his mouth at once, burping quite loudly afterwards. He came upon a meme in the r/shortcels subreddit upon typing the subreddit's name in, he screenshotted the meme and put the title "oh really?" on the post.
He continued the process, eating around 40 chicken tenders and making 45 more posts throughout the day swinging soy milk all the while when suddenly.
"Sigma, I've been waiting for you"
Now, keep in mind Sigma never has contact with humans outside of his mummy to get some nummies, so he freaked out when he heard a voice speaking to him.
"Huh, who's there!? REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"Calm down you fucking sperg"
Sigma looked around his room searching for the source of the noise
"Right here dumbass"
He looked down, finding that the noise was coming from his soy carton.
"Yeah that's me."
He started at it
"Uh, fatass, hello?"
He shoved the entire soy carton into his mouth and swallowed it, the end.
pewpew
Brazil
December 25th, 2019
Greetings dear reader, throughout our lives we've been conditioned to love other people and seek out real companionship, but in some cases... special cases, the love between an inanimate object and a human person can flourish in the most unlikely circumstances. Let's enter this.
It was a Christmas morning in Brazil, a young man by the name of Sigma had just woke out of bed and was getting ready for his day. So he got out his crutches and limped his 500lb body to the breakfast table to demand tendies and milkies from his mummy.
"Mummy, gib tendies or I will shit all over your floor"
His "mummy" had an achieved countenance, perhaps to be blamed on her failure of a son draining her energy and resources eternally. Why she ever gave birth to him, was an absolute mystery.
"Of course son, it's in the spirit of the holidays after all"
Christmas was a special time for his family to gather and share happy memories, he, however, was entrapped to carry out his sacred duty. The hero's burden, that was to nobly post about virgins all day with poorly made titles and jokes about them committing suicide. He took his carton of soy milk and tendies and waddled back to his room with the food.
"These people will never get me"
He takes a swig of the soymilk and shoves 10 tenders into his mouth at once, burping quite loudly afterwards. He came upon a meme in the r/shortcels subreddit upon typing the subreddit's name in, he screenshotted the meme and put the title "oh really?" on the post.
He continued the process, eating around 40 chicken tenders and making 45 more posts throughout the day swinging soy milk all the while when suddenly.
"Sigma, I've been waiting for you"
Now, keep in mind Sigma never has contact with humans outside of his mummy to get some nummies, so he freaked out when he heard a voice speaking to him.
"Huh, who's there!? REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"Calm down you fucking sperg"
Sigma looked around his room searching for the source of the noise
"Right here dumbass"
He looked down, finding that the noise was coming from his soy carton.
"Yeah that's me."
He started at it
"Uh, fatass, hello?"
He shoved the entire soy carton into his mouth and swallowed it, the end.
pewpew
