G
My fucking face just can't do it; my voice is monotone and just sounds retarded when I try to put some expression in it. I haven't really felt any emotions for years but recently I've actually felt hate, loneliness, desperation and feeling instead of thinking all the time. Maybe it was an unironic coping mechanism that's ended for some reason...
Either way, I hate emotions but even more than that I hate not being able to say anything or do anything about them because I've had little experience. I just hope this will go away soon and I feel numb again because if I can't act on anything I think then it's just self-torture. I had a dream that I was in a relationship or something and actually FELT love and some kind of connection, and to know I'll never have anything like that even if I passed the looks barrier hurts. I'd just be a shit person if I felt more and was more of a slave to my emotions, but on the other hand I want to feel the good things in life. I don't know. These feelings are fucking stupid and I just want to be able to use my face or voice to actually express SOMETHING.
My words are all just empty copies of what I am supposed to feel: even now I feel frustration but have no idea what the fuck to do with it except take it out on myself or others. Before I could do menial tasks for hours and had a constant mood more or less, with my personality changing every few months.
If I randomly became a normie and got a gf or something, it would just break down because I'd have no way to say anything because I don't understand there emotions that have appeared so suddenly.
Tldr: started feeling emotions, which has not happened before, and I am probably autistic or something so I can't act on anything I'm feeling and my decisionmaking has become partially based on emotion instead of pure logic. Basically rambled for like 4 paragraphs repeating the same shit now that I look at it but it seems to symbolise my mental state so maybe it will illustrate it a little clearer for you.
Either way, I hate emotions but even more than that I hate not being able to say anything or do anything about them because I've had little experience. I just hope this will go away soon and I feel numb again because if I can't act on anything I think then it's just self-torture. I had a dream that I was in a relationship or something and actually FELT love and some kind of connection, and to know I'll never have anything like that even if I passed the looks barrier hurts. I'd just be a shit person if I felt more and was more of a slave to my emotions, but on the other hand I want to feel the good things in life. I don't know. These feelings are fucking stupid and I just want to be able to use my face or voice to actually express SOMETHING.
My words are all just empty copies of what I am supposed to feel: even now I feel frustration but have no idea what the fuck to do with it except take it out on myself or others. Before I could do menial tasks for hours and had a constant mood more or less, with my personality changing every few months.
If I randomly became a normie and got a gf or something, it would just break down because I'd have no way to say anything because I don't understand there emotions that have appeared so suddenly.
Tldr: started feeling emotions, which has not happened before, and I am probably autistic or something so I can't act on anything I'm feeling and my decisionmaking has become partially based on emotion instead of pure logic. Basically rambled for like 4 paragraphs repeating the same shit now that I look at it but it seems to symbolise my mental state so maybe it will illustrate it a little clearer for you.
