Dear infertile Women,
I understand that you are frustrated about your inability to conceive, I really do. Sooner or later most women wish to have Children of their own. It is an absolutely natural desire. Finding the love of your life, have amazing sex without the unnatural burden of contraceptives and soon enjoy the growing pride of motherhood. Becoming a mother is, without a doubt, the most creative act imaginable. During this nine month you are basically the avatar of every fertility goddess ever conceived of by humanity. Even the most backwards societies have respect for that. You share an experience with almost every women who ever lived. You bring new life to this world, which would have forever been a dead rock, drifting through an equally dead universe, if it were not for beings like you.
But, for whatever reason, it was just not meant to be. Maybe it is an untreatable hormone issue, a fluke of genetics or the result of some horrible trauma. The reasons may vary, but the result is mercilessly fixed: You will never be a mother.
Therefore it is absolutely understandable that you are shocked, angry, grieving, bargaining, devastated, suicidal, depressed and every other form miserable. You just lost the family you never had. You could not even see the bright eyes and happy smiles of your Children at least once before they were snatched away by cruel fate. You will never see them grow from adorable babes to responsible adults who reflect all the love you gave them back to you.
And now, to add insult to injury, your own psyche fails you as much as your body has. You feel broken, insufficient, “not like a real women”, worthless, alone. You cannot bear looking at other families without being reminded of your condition. And there are sociological aspects as well: “Spinster shaming” is a real phenomenon, and many men, desiring a family of their own, are unwilling to date infertile women …unless it is for a One-Night-Stand, of course. Most people cannot even empathise with you because your condition is so rare and uncomfortable to think about. All you can expect is condescending advice like “just adopt” or “volunteer at daycare”. Under these conditions it is natural to retreat from society, even to despise it.
However, through all this misery, I need you to understand one central truth:
You are not entitled to being a mother, stop acting like you are.
It may sound incredible harsh and cruel, but no one is obligated accept or even support women like you. If you desire social change to reduce the shaming and feeling of inadequacy: Work for it yourself. If you want more research in reproductive technologies to be done: Work for it yourself. If you want a partner who does not care that you cannot conceive: Work for it yourself. You have to play the cards that you were dealt. Being able to conceive is not a given just because you are female, it is a bonus (like being born rich). When you have learned to accept this simple truth, you will see that all the grief and despair described above are as ridiculous as the bawling of a child that cannot have another cookie.
But I have good news for you: You don’t need Children of your own to lead a happy and fulfilling life!!! Many women, in fact, have already done so. I know so many gals who don’t even want Children. They are completely happy with their hobbies, careers and aspirations. If you still desire an emotional connection, just get a pet, they are way cuter than babies most of the time anyway. I promise you, being childfree is absolutely awesome.
Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself: “What would you rather be once you are old: A Grandmother with a few Children who love/respect you and a whole bunch grandkids who absolutely adore you? Or the mega rich CEO of a successful fortune 500 company?” I think the answer is clear.
Also, this whole Mother-role nonsense is just a tool of the patriarchy to oppress you. A real, free woman never needed Children to be happy. The “biological clock” is just a myth. Free yourself from that lie! People shame you for being Childless with 35? Just ignore them! This kind and handsome man breaks up with you because he can’t have Children with you? You just dodged a bullet there!
Childfree, happy, proud!!!
en.wikipedia.org
I understand that you are frustrated about your inability to conceive, I really do. Sooner or later most women wish to have Children of their own. It is an absolutely natural desire. Finding the love of your life, have amazing sex without the unnatural burden of contraceptives and soon enjoy the growing pride of motherhood. Becoming a mother is, without a doubt, the most creative act imaginable. During this nine month you are basically the avatar of every fertility goddess ever conceived of by humanity. Even the most backwards societies have respect for that. You share an experience with almost every women who ever lived. You bring new life to this world, which would have forever been a dead rock, drifting through an equally dead universe, if it were not for beings like you.
But, for whatever reason, it was just not meant to be. Maybe it is an untreatable hormone issue, a fluke of genetics or the result of some horrible trauma. The reasons may vary, but the result is mercilessly fixed: You will never be a mother.
Therefore it is absolutely understandable that you are shocked, angry, grieving, bargaining, devastated, suicidal, depressed and every other form miserable. You just lost the family you never had. You could not even see the bright eyes and happy smiles of your Children at least once before they were snatched away by cruel fate. You will never see them grow from adorable babes to responsible adults who reflect all the love you gave them back to you.
And now, to add insult to injury, your own psyche fails you as much as your body has. You feel broken, insufficient, “not like a real women”, worthless, alone. You cannot bear looking at other families without being reminded of your condition. And there are sociological aspects as well: “Spinster shaming” is a real phenomenon, and many men, desiring a family of their own, are unwilling to date infertile women …unless it is for a One-Night-Stand, of course. Most people cannot even empathise with you because your condition is so rare and uncomfortable to think about. All you can expect is condescending advice like “just adopt” or “volunteer at daycare”. Under these conditions it is natural to retreat from society, even to despise it.
However, through all this misery, I need you to understand one central truth:
You are not entitled to being a mother, stop acting like you are.
It may sound incredible harsh and cruel, but no one is obligated accept or even support women like you. If you desire social change to reduce the shaming and feeling of inadequacy: Work for it yourself. If you want more research in reproductive technologies to be done: Work for it yourself. If you want a partner who does not care that you cannot conceive: Work for it yourself. You have to play the cards that you were dealt. Being able to conceive is not a given just because you are female, it is a bonus (like being born rich). When you have learned to accept this simple truth, you will see that all the grief and despair described above are as ridiculous as the bawling of a child that cannot have another cookie.
But I have good news for you: You don’t need Children of your own to lead a happy and fulfilling life!!! Many women, in fact, have already done so. I know so many gals who don’t even want Children. They are completely happy with their hobbies, careers and aspirations. If you still desire an emotional connection, just get a pet, they are way cuter than babies most of the time anyway. I promise you, being childfree is absolutely awesome.
Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself: “What would you rather be once you are old: A Grandmother with a few Children who love/respect you and a whole bunch grandkids who absolutely adore you? Or the mega rich CEO of a successful fortune 500 company?” I think the answer is clear.
Also, this whole Mother-role nonsense is just a tool of the patriarchy to oppress you. A real, free woman never needed Children to be happy. The “biological clock” is just a myth. Free yourself from that lie! People shame you for being Childless with 35? Just ignore them! This kind and handsome man breaks up with you because he can’t have Children with you? You just dodged a bullet there!
Childfree, happy, proud!!!
