Dear women,
I understand that you are appalled and frustrated about all the harassment, violence, exploitation and rape. I really do. From a young age you are exposed to those dangers. In some few countries your trepidations may be lessened by the thin and brittle veneer of “civilisation”, however in most places women have to live in constant fear of male aggression.
Therefore it is only natural that you protest and demand betterment of your circumstances. You demand better security, better policing. You demand that men hold themselves to higher standards and finally treat women as equals.
And you deserve those things, all of them and more.
However, like a Bangladeshi beggar who really deservers some warm meal and a roof over his head, you are just not entitled to it. The cold hard truth on the matter is that you just cannot force people to act against their nature. There will always be men who see you as prey and it is not the obligation of other men to do anything about it. Sure, it would be nice if men policed each other on your behalf. But ultimately your protection is your own responsibility.
Men, the state or even other women may provide some additional security if they think you deserve it, but this is not obligatory on their part but in fact a privilege the can be revoked at any time.
Assuming anything else would be the height of entitlement and irresponsibility.
Men don’t have a duty to protect you from other men, directly or indirectly, just because they happen to be men themselves. This is because they are a huge and diverse demographic made up of largely disconnected individuals. Men did not choose to be born as men and are therefore not responsible for the actions of other men. They just don’t have a reason to engage in this potentially dangerous endeavour. It’s just optional for them.
Even the state is not obligated to guaranty 100% protection. Its task is the enforcement of the law and to keep society free and functional. In order to protect all women from all men the state would have to make society far less free and less functional. Therefore your all around safety is just not practical.
I know you don’t like to hear it but, as mentioned, your protection is your own responsibility. WORK FOR IT. Here are a few rules that can help you to not fall victim to male aggression:
-if you go out, always tell a friend where, with whom and how long you plan to go out
-never go out alone
-if you date a new guy, check for red flags like an irresponsible lifestyle or even criminal record
-if your partner threatens you even once, end the relationship immediately
-only spend time with men of which you know are perfectly harmless
-learn a martial art
-learn to read peoples personality
-learn to “read the room”, recognise possibly dangerous situations and leave
-dress inconspicuous and as asexual as possible (hoody, baggy clothes)
-don’t take any offers from strangers, be it for drinks or a car ride or anything else
These measures may seem harsh at first glance but I can assure you they are perfectly necessary in order to provide your safety. Every time you disregard one of those rules you increase the chance of being raped or even murdered.
There is however no guarantee for absolute protection. Life is unfair and harsh to everyone. If something happens all we can do is learn to live with it.
I understand that you are appalled and frustrated about all the harassment, violence, exploitation and rape. I really do. From a young age you are exposed to those dangers. In some few countries your trepidations may be lessened by the thin and brittle veneer of “civilisation”, however in most places women have to live in constant fear of male aggression.
Therefore it is only natural that you protest and demand betterment of your circumstances. You demand better security, better policing. You demand that men hold themselves to higher standards and finally treat women as equals.
And you deserve those things, all of them and more.
However, like a Bangladeshi beggar who really deservers some warm meal and a roof over his head, you are just not entitled to it. The cold hard truth on the matter is that you just cannot force people to act against their nature. There will always be men who see you as prey and it is not the obligation of other men to do anything about it. Sure, it would be nice if men policed each other on your behalf. But ultimately your protection is your own responsibility.
Men, the state or even other women may provide some additional security if they think you deserve it, but this is not obligatory on their part but in fact a privilege the can be revoked at any time.
Assuming anything else would be the height of entitlement and irresponsibility.
Men don’t have a duty to protect you from other men, directly or indirectly, just because they happen to be men themselves. This is because they are a huge and diverse demographic made up of largely disconnected individuals. Men did not choose to be born as men and are therefore not responsible for the actions of other men. They just don’t have a reason to engage in this potentially dangerous endeavour. It’s just optional for them.
Even the state is not obligated to guaranty 100% protection. Its task is the enforcement of the law and to keep society free and functional. In order to protect all women from all men the state would have to make society far less free and less functional. Therefore your all around safety is just not practical.
I know you don’t like to hear it but, as mentioned, your protection is your own responsibility. WORK FOR IT. Here are a few rules that can help you to not fall victim to male aggression:
-if you go out, always tell a friend where, with whom and how long you plan to go out
-never go out alone
-if you date a new guy, check for red flags like an irresponsible lifestyle or even criminal record
-if your partner threatens you even once, end the relationship immediately
-only spend time with men of which you know are perfectly harmless
-learn a martial art
-learn to read peoples personality
-learn to “read the room”, recognise possibly dangerous situations and leave
-dress inconspicuous and as asexual as possible (hoody, baggy clothes)
-don’t take any offers from strangers, be it for drinks or a car ride or anything else
These measures may seem harsh at first glance but I can assure you they are perfectly necessary in order to provide your safety. Every time you disregard one of those rules you increase the chance of being raped or even murdered.
There is however no guarantee for absolute protection. Life is unfair and harsh to everyone. If something happens all we can do is learn to live with it.
