Serious Did you get so much negative reinforcement that it feels like there is a physical barrier preventing you from being social?

[Deleted member 8353]

I'm talking about something akin to not being able to break a window in your house intentionally, or to not being able to cut off one of your own fingers. Logically we should be physically capable of doing these things, but we don't, and on some level we actually can't. We can't do something which we genuinely believe will lead to a wholly undesirable outcome. If someone were to do these things, it's because they believe that there is at least something to be gained by doing so which is worth whatever cost they'd incur.

For me I don't see the purpose behind initiating and engaging with people irl, there is no perceivable reward. I'm afraid of people, afraid of being in public, and uncomfortable outside of my own house, because I associate all of these things with pain. Whatever negative emotions and physical discomfort that isolation causes me, it's evidently not as bad as the alternative.

 

[Deleted member 27249]

I remember my mom would force me to go to hangouts and the kids would say they didn't want me there to my face

 

[Deleted member 8353]

the kids would say they didn't want me there to my face

Relatable tbh.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

Yes.

There is no point in me socialising with other people. I gain nothing from it.

 

[Deleted member 23682]

Yes.

There is no point in me socialising with other people. I gain nothing from it.

same

 

[Deleted member 21230]

Yes.

There is no point in me socialising with other people. I gain nothing from it.

 

[LooksAreLife]

Absolutely.

 

[TallCelFag]

Brutal I've always been a loner too but what can we do right? Hot Russian bitch ditched me yesterday, apparently we didn't match FUCK too much suifuel send me some copium brocels!
Although I met some dude selling tabs $15/each should I go for it?! Best of luck to you all my brocels!

 

[Sonozaki]

you described it perfectly

 

[Deleted member 27204]

I'm talking about something akin to not being able to break a window in your house intentionally, or to not being able to cut off one of your own fingers. Logically we should be physically capable of doing these things, but we don't, and on some level we actually can't. We can't do something which we genuinely believe will lead to a wholly undesirable outcome. If someone were to do these things, it's because they believe that there is at least something to be gained by doing so which is worth whatever cost they'd incur.

For me I don't see the purpose behind initiating and engaging with people irl, there is no perceivable reward. I'm afraid of people, afraid of being in public, and uncomfortable outside of my own house, because I associate all of these things with pain. Whatever negative emotions and physical discomfort that isolation causes me, it's evidently not as bad as the alternative.

Yeah being the jester of a group and just used for laughs at best if you try to socialize isn't worth it.
There's no point in meeting new people that you are going to drift apart from anyway in a few years.

 

[Sportbro]

Whatever negative emotions and physical discomfort that isolation causes me, it's evidently not as bad as the alternative.

Whatever Is on the outside is worse than just isolating yourself in your own house. Damn that's relatable.
This sounds like a bad loop, it will get worse if you isolate yourself, but you don't want to go out because it's too painful

 

[Deleted member 8353]

Whatever Is on the outside is worse than just isolating yourself in your own house. Damn that's relatable.
This sounds like a bad loop, it will get worse if you isolate yourself, but you don't want to go out because it's too painful

Based upon my experience it eventually becomes impossible to escape, at least if nobody helps you, and worse if others outright enable you. Then as the years pass you have less of a reason to even bother trying to change, since you have nothing good to look forward to anyway.

Of course I'm not even free from anxiety when in my room, because my future is so bleak that it's hard to avoid thinking about it. I think that I'd feel better if I had a shotgun in my house, that way I'd have access to a quick and reliable suicide method when the time comes, probably would help me relax a little ngl.

 

[Joelossus]

Based upon my experience it eventually becomes impossible to escape, at least if nobody helps you, and worse if others outright enable you. Then as the years pass you have less of a reason to even bother trying to change, since you have nothing good to look forward to anyway.

Of course I'm not even free from anxiety when in my room, because my future is so bleak that it's hard to avoid thinking about it. I think that I'd feel better if I had a shotgun in my house, that way I'd have access to a quick and reliable suicide method when the time comes, probably would help me relax a little ngl.

How easy would it be to get access to a shotgun? Could you just walk into a store and get one?

 

[Deleted member 8353]

How easy would it be to get access to a shotgun? Could you just walk into a store and get one?

Probably. I spent some time in a psych ward before, but that was when I was a teenager, and I don't think that was technically involuntary (even if it was involuntary in reality).

Regardless, my dad owns a couple shotguns at his house, I was just meaning one that I could have here because it would comfort me.

 

[TheReaper]

the point is that there's a certain amount of pain a person can tolerate before going insane.
and once you're already damaged there's this self-preservation mechanism that prevents you from hurting yourself even more.

 

[Joelossus]

Probably. I spent some time in a psych ward before, but that was when I was a teenager, and I don't think that was technically involuntary (even if it was involuntary in reality).

Regardless, my dad owns a couple shotguns at his house, I was just meaning one that I could have here because it would comfort me.

Fuck i kinda envy you and other UScels for their easy acces to guns. I wouldn't know how i'd kill myself, tbh. All the things i have acces to suck.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

Fuck i kinda envy you and other UScels for their easy acces to guns. I wouldn't know how i'd kill myself, tbh. All the things i have acces to suck.

I've considered partial suspension hanging, but I need a stable setup for that which can hold lets say half my weight for 30 minutes. Not something to be done impulsively, and not something I can put together in my house in advance just to comfort me. Fentanyl OD sounds nice too, but I'm not NT enough to buy drugs.

Having a gun would mainly lessen my anxiety surrounding this tbh. But I know what you mean, I think everyone should be able to access a painless suicide method. The problem with a shotgun is that it's extremely messy. If anybody wants to go out like that, do whomever has to clean up your body a favor and do it outside, probably somewhere secluded.

 

[Joelossus]

Having a gun would mainly lessen my anxiety surrounding this tbh. But I know what you mean, I think everyone should be able to access a painless suicide method.

That's basically it for me, tbh. The knowledge that i could possibly end it, without the fear of having to endure a few minutes of pain would drastically lessen my anxiety. I have been fantasising about owning a gun for this very reason, since my early teens.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

That's basically it for me, tbh. The knowledge that i could possibly end it, without the fear of having to endure a few minutes of pain would drastically lessen my anxiety. I have been fantasising about owning a gun for this very reason, since my early teens.

It's not only the pain for me, it's the risk of failing and physically damaging myself, possibly to the point where I can't try again. At least with a shotgun you're guaranteed to die if you have the right angle. The only people who survive aim directly up from their chin or sometimes the roof of their mouth and destroy their face instead of their brain.

 

[Joelossus]

It's not only the pain for me, it's the risk of failing and physically damaging myself, possibly to the point where I can't try again. At least with a shotgun you're guaranteed to die if you have the right angle. The only people who survive aim directly up from their chin or sometimes the roof of their mouth and destroy their face instead of their brain.

Yeah this is a scary thought aswell. Tbh, i never quite understood why some people would put the shotugun underneath their chins.

 

[AlexanderTheGreat11]

There is no point in me socialising with other people. I gain nothing from it.

It’s mostly just uncomfortable and painful. Can’t remember the last time I had a good conversation with someone