I always knew, that I would become a friendless loser. Although I had this realiziation at a young age, I tried my best to find friends. I tried everything. I was quiet and I would let the others come to me - no results. I tried LowInhibMaxx by acting cool and funny- no results. No matter, what I tried, I always failed.
In school I had extreme struggles with my grades. I wanted to become the best and I studied for hours per day, but in the end I underperformed. I barely managed to graduate. I wasn't very good at playing sports, either. That was a result of my asthma, my poor vision and my disturbance of coordination. My parents always considered me to be the black sheep of the family. I couldn't excel in anything, because I was extremely below average - in intellect, appearance and achievements.
I only had one true friend. We always played vidya together. But now he's only interested in girls and success. He started to treat me in an extremely condescending manner in the recent time, because he suceeds in everything and sees only a loser in me. He doesn't want to fool around anymore, because that would be not worthy of his name. I know that I will not have any place in his life anymore, sooner or later.
All my other social interactions were extremely dry and bloodless. I feel like living under a dome.