Does anyone else feel like this? I really wish I had a sort of guiding mindset that sort of gave life meaning, or a goal or purpose.

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Deleted member 7448

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Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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Maybe the words "meaning/goal/purpose" aren't right. Let me describe what I mean, cause I really can't express this desire of mine properly though it's something I've yearned for a long time.

Feels like my thinking, my way of seeing the world and my actions and what I feel and think and do is too random. It's going with the flow. I lack a certain meaning, a guiding thought/mindset and way of seeing the world that would structure my actions and thoughts.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. But for example, when I imagine myself in a survival situation, like needing to find food and shelter and water etc... like in the wilderness, or like in a survival game or the movie "The Martian" if that helps you picture it. Imagining myself in a situation like that feels like my actions and thoughts and everything I do has a sort of meaning, a structure. It feels alive.

But in comparison to the above scenario, real life just feels like going with the flow with no structure or meaning or purpose. Maybe these aren't the right words, but it feels so unsatisfying.

Another example I can give is that I imagine someone with a passion in life, like art or programming or crafting something, having a passion gives their life a sort of structure and meaning and goal, it guides their actions. All they do, they do in order to pursue more of their passion. Even if they wageslave 8 hours a day in an unrelated field, they do it so they can survive and work on their passion in their spare time. But of course as I said in many other threads, I lack any interest, much less a passion. Despite trying for years to find something, my depressed brain is just a piece of shit that finds nothing interesting, everything is pointless and boring despite actively trying to change the way I feel about it.

Anyway, does anyone else feel like this?
 
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Ya reading your thoughts you really make the argument that you need sort of broad goals, and specific steps of goals you are working on.

Possibly you have the cart before the horse on passions. My feeling is you just have to start doing something. And most things you will 'get into' once you start. And formalize the goals.. i mean even setting goals for the next few months in a hobby can become a goal.

Other thing i come to believe is we should have a couple hobbies/passions. So we don't get burned out on one. And also not be afraid to take a lot of week or couple week long breaks.

Let me give an example say a guy is into golf. He can look forward to going to the driving range.. and his plan can be just hit balls around as long as he wants, and do the type of shot he feels like. And bring a soda or beer or something... also that brings up finding another guy who is into the same thing. Then meeting up with them makes you go out. I do that with walking with my friends, which is basically the only time i see friends. Often once you do go out there you end up enjoying it a lot even if you really didn't feel like going. And sometimes you actually didnt' feel good out there, but you still were happy you got out there and did exercise.
 
Studiocel

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Man can endure endless amounts of suffering if he feels like it has a purpose and meaning.
 
Deleted member 7448

Deleted member 7448

Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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Ya reading your thoughts you really make the argument that you need sort of broad goals, and specific steps of goals you are working on.

Possibly you have the cart before the horse on passions. My feeling is you just have to start doing something. And most things you will 'get into' once you start. And formalize the goals.. i mean even setting goals for the next few months in a hobby can become a goal.

Other thing i come to believe is we should have a couple hobbies/passions. So we don't get burned out on one. And also not be afraid to take a lot of week or couple week long breaks.

Let me give an example say a guy is into golf. He can look forward to going to the driving range.. and his plan can be just hit balls around as long as he wants, and do the type of shot he feels like. And bring a soda or beer or something... also that brings up finding another guy who is into the same thing. Then meeting up with them makes you go out. I do that with walking with my friends, which is basically the only time i see friends. Often once you do go out there you end up enjoying it a lot even if you really didn't feel like going. And sometimes you actually didnt' feel good out there, but you still were happy you got out there and did exercise.
Thank you for your perspective mate. Yeah you do have a point, gonna have to actually force myself to do something and stick with it for a while, no matter how much I hate it and feel like stopping. I've been like this for so many years, wanting an interest, a hobby, and ending up just rotting as usual. Browsing the same few sites, rewatching sitcoms and playing games. I guess this comfy routine of rotting is too easy to fall back to, making any other activity seem too draining and boring compared to the easy dopamine of those activities. Add the depression for 12+ years and you've got a recipe for a human being turned vegetable. Yeah, definitely gonna have to force myself to do something. Although once I start wageslaving in a few months idk what will happen, will I hate it as much as I think then I'll come home drained and exhausted and stressed, only being able to decompressed by rotting till the next day comes along to start wageslaving all over? Or will I finally change and do more interesting things in the little spare time I will have? Ehh, I know myself and what I will do unfortunately.
 
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Probably when you start wage slaving you are going to be dead tired for months. Your body won't be used to being up and moving around and even talking all day.. even just going on the bus to work and back is going to take time for your body to adapt to. Its like someone who has done zero cardio for years, all of a sudden doing hours and hours of cardio a day.

So give it a few months of wage slaving before you push yourself. Then start small, like pick something and aim to do 2 hours a week of it to start. In a few weeks you can increase that to 2.25 hours a week.

I just thought.. one of your hobbies right now can be reading and thinking about hobbies and how to get into them and different ones you would want to be into if you had huge will.
 
Deleted member 7448

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Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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Probably when you start wage slaving you are going to be dead tired for months. Your body won't be used to being up and moving around and even talking all day.. even just going on the bus to work and back is going to take time for your body to adapt to. Its like someone who has done zero cardio for years, all of a sudden doing hours and hours of cardio a day.

So give it a few months of wage slaving before you push yourself. Then start small, like pick something and aim to do 2 hours a week of it to start. In a few weeks you can increase that to 2.25 hours a week.

I just thought.. one of your hobbies right now can be reading and thinking about hobbies and how to get into them and different ones you would want to be into if you had huge will.
You are smart indeed. That's very true, I've rotted for literally years. A few months ago I had to walk for like an hour and I felt the effects of that for several days. Even got blisters. And for example when in uni I had to sit in chairs for like 4 hours my back would hurt like a mother fucker. Most of my muscles are atrophied I guess.

Thanks for the tips mate, you're one smart dude.
 
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Maybe the words "meaning/goal/purpose" aren't right. Let me describe what I mean, cause I really can't express this desire of mine properly though it's something I've yearned for a long time.

Feels like my thinking, my way of seeing the world and my actions and what I feel and think and do is too random. It's going with the flow. I lack a certain meaning, a guiding thought/mindset and way of seeing the world that would structure my actions and thoughts.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. But for example, when I imagine myself in a survival situation, like needing to find food and shelter and water etc... like in the wilderness, or like in a survival game or the movie "The Martian" if that helps you picture it. Imagining myself in a situation like that feels like my actions and thoughts and everything I do has a sort of meaning, a structure. It feels alive.

But in comparison to the above scenario, real life just feels like going with the flow with no structure or meaning or purpose. Maybe these aren't the right words, but it feels so unsatisfying.

Another example I can give is that I imagine someone with a passion in life, like art or programming or crafting something, having a passion gives their life a sort of structure and meaning and goal, it guides their actions. All they do, they do in order to pursue more of their passion. Even if they wageslave 8 hours a day in an unrelated field, they do it so they can survive and work on their passion in their spare time. But of course as I said in many other threads, I lack any interest, much less a passion. Despite trying for years to find something, my depressed brain is just a piece of shit that finds nothing interesting, everything is pointless and boring despite actively trying to change the way I feel about it.

Anyway, does anyone else feel like this?
Kaczynski wrote about this specifically
 
Snowstormhigh

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Lost my passion a long while ago tbh