Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
Maybe the words "meaning/goal/purpose" aren't right. Let me describe what I mean, cause I really can't express this desire of mine properly though it's something I've yearned for a long time.
Feels like my thinking, my way of seeing the world and my actions and what I feel and think and do is too random. It's going with the flow. I lack a certain meaning, a guiding thought/mindset and way of seeing the world that would structure my actions and thoughts.
I don't even know what I'm asking for. But for example, when I imagine myself in a survival situation, like needing to find food and shelter and water etc... like in the wilderness, or like in a survival game or the movie "The Martian" if that helps you picture it. Imagining myself in a situation like that feels like my actions and thoughts and everything I do has a sort of meaning, a structure. It feels alive.
But in comparison to the above scenario, real life just feels like going with the flow with no structure or meaning or purpose. Maybe these aren't the right words, but it feels so unsatisfying.
Another example I can give is that I imagine someone with a passion in life, like art or programming or crafting something, having a passion gives their life a sort of structure and meaning and goal, it guides their actions. All they do, they do in order to pursue more of their passion. Even if they wageslave 8 hours a day in an unrelated field, they do it so they can survive and work on their passion in their spare time. But of course as I said in many other threads, I lack any interest, much less a passion. Despite trying for years to find something, my depressed brain is just a piece of shit that finds nothing interesting, everything is pointless and boring despite actively trying to change the way I feel about it.
Anyway, does anyone else feel like this?
Feels like my thinking, my way of seeing the world and my actions and what I feel and think and do is too random. It's going with the flow. I lack a certain meaning, a guiding thought/mindset and way of seeing the world that would structure my actions and thoughts.
I don't even know what I'm asking for. But for example, when I imagine myself in a survival situation, like needing to find food and shelter and water etc... like in the wilderness, or like in a survival game or the movie "The Martian" if that helps you picture it. Imagining myself in a situation like that feels like my actions and thoughts and everything I do has a sort of meaning, a structure. It feels alive.
But in comparison to the above scenario, real life just feels like going with the flow with no structure or meaning or purpose. Maybe these aren't the right words, but it feels so unsatisfying.
Another example I can give is that I imagine someone with a passion in life, like art or programming or crafting something, having a passion gives their life a sort of structure and meaning and goal, it guides their actions. All they do, they do in order to pursue more of their passion. Even if they wageslave 8 hours a day in an unrelated field, they do it so they can survive and work on their passion in their spare time. But of course as I said in many other threads, I lack any interest, much less a passion. Despite trying for years to find something, my depressed brain is just a piece of shit that finds nothing interesting, everything is pointless and boring despite actively trying to change the way I feel about it.
Anyway, does anyone else feel like this?
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