Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
For the last few years it's gotten so much worse. For years now I haven't even been able to watch new tv shows, I just replay the same sitcoms I've seen 50 times already. I can't even play games that require too much effort/focus. Nevermind Factorio or Rimworld or other complicated games, even Minecraft feels like too much work. Even MMOs that I could play the whole day years ago, now I can't spend 5 minutes grinding, it's too much energy and effort. Cause I hate spending mental energy. No, it's not that I hate it, I guess after the more than 10 years of depression and all kinds of shit, I'm almost unable to. My mind is fucking shattered, I'm a broken man.
Obviously, when it comes to productive things it's much, much worse. I only do productive stuff like homework when I absolutely can't avoid it, and doing it is incredibly anxiety-inducing and it feels like torture.
Being unable to invest mental energy/effort into things explains a lot as to why I'm living the way I am. I've had so much free time these past few years, and I haven't been able to enjoy it at all, because all I really did was vegetate in bed. Other than watching paint dry or literally sleeping, the way I spend my time is literally, literally using the least amount of energy at all. Not even thinking, just rewatching sitcoms and browsing the same few sites. Not even playing games cause they take too much energy.
Obviously, when it comes to productive things it's much, much worse. I only do productive stuff like homework when I absolutely can't avoid it, and doing it is incredibly anxiety-inducing and it feels like torture.
Being unable to invest mental energy/effort into things explains a lot as to why I'm living the way I am. I've had so much free time these past few years, and I haven't been able to enjoy it at all, because all I really did was vegetate in bed. Other than watching paint dry or literally sleeping, the way I spend my time is literally, literally using the least amount of energy at all. Not even thinking, just rewatching sitcoms and browsing the same few sites. Not even playing games cause they take too much energy.
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