Are you gonna tell me how you became incel?
Oh you want to know? I made a huge rant post that apparently not many people wanted to hear about some time back.
The TLDR version is starting in middle school I took notice of girls, I was too nervous to do anything. In highschool. 10th grade specifically I tried to talk to a cute girl in front of me at lunch. I was encouraged by a couple friends of mine who told me to remember all these movies where the guy just talks to the girl and gets her. I never thought there was anything wrong with my face or myself or anything until this point. So yeah I said "Hey" and she didn't hear me, I said "hey" again louder. Her friend turned around and said "I think he's trying to talk to you" and she looked over at me and was like... "Him? He's trying to talk... to ... me????" and she started laughing out loud. Then her friends started laughing and they talked about about me as if I weren't there.
That was the most memorable thing for me and probably what started my mental decline downhill. I didn't try to talk to girls much more in high school. In college, I got renewed hopes because I heard from people, literally everyone, said how easy it is to get girls in college. .... Not to write another book but let's just say I tried asking out girls who I thought I had a chance with and it didn't go down well. People don't like reading long posts. But I nearly did not make it. I bought a gun, and on graduation when you walk across the stage, I thought about blowing my brains out on stage right after they handed me the scroll and shook my hand n all that. I didn't do that but I was still gonna blow my brains out, but for some reason I was too cowardly to pull the trigger.
I ended up trying again later. After having worked for awhile, I decided to transfer to a university to get my B.S. degree. Another chance at college life and getting even just a fucking girlfriend. TLDR version of this no luck. Last year before I graduated. This is embarrassing for me, laugh away it's fine. I, being desperate as fuck, attended a "pick up artist" course. All in all it was nearly/about 2000 dollars. I had renewed confidence. They do that correct I'll hand it to them. They're great con artists, they make you feel like "Oh no bro you aren't bad looking, you've just been approaching women wrong, here I'll teach you how to do it correctly" and we watched him, practiced word techniques and so on. His approach was mass spamming girls at a club. He said even he gets rejected by girls a lot, but the key is just to move to the next girl. I did this... OVER SIXTY fucking times before I lost track. So probably more. after the first few okay. the first dozen I started to give up hope and was just asking to ask for the sake of asking. by 30ish or so I wanted to die. I was just torturing myself. The dude said "You gotta put your back into it you can't look like that"
Not him, not my counselor I was seeing, not anyone I know or met or anything. Could give me any fucking reason for my bad luck other than "bad technique" "nervousness" etc.... and ALWAYS the "creepy" vibe. No matter what I do. I think its my voice, but lots of people say I come off as kind of creepy because of the way I talk... I'm like yeah but I've seen short fat guys get girls before. I''m not short, or fat, I thought I looked average at least but probably not. In that class, some of the other guys in that class actually got lucky and got dates. Me? I got a couple probably fake numbers because the girls never replied back. I think they gave them out of courtesy or to be polite or maybe because she was nervous something bad would happened if she rejected idfk but no replies nothing. I got zero fucking luck. No kisses, no dates no nothing. Fuck my fucking life I fucking hate rverything! this is bullshit. They tried to calm me down but no fuck that. I prob over the course of my entire life, including at work and anime conventions, tried talking to maybe about 100 girls. I tried on my own, I tried to fix my voice, the way I talked/sounded. Idk, it's like there is a literal cloud that hovers over me and it repels all women period. And no amount of "self help" or "self improvement" will do anything about it.
I tried online too, so it's not JUST my voice but my face/pics too. I tried talking to literal hundreds of girls online right? Like from dating apps, myspace (back in the day), facebook, youtube, instagram, snapchat, etc. the thing is women will NOT EVEN WANT TO BE MY FRIEND. I get ghosted, no replies. Like nothing I say, can convince women to have any sympathy for me. I'm not even asking to marry or fuck or date or anything. Just "hi hows it going?" Ive' been told that's too bland you gotta think of something interesting. like what? Tha's how people talk they ask how the other is doing fuck idk. Women dont like that.
Maybe I'm mentally retarded. I just dont get it. Either that or people keep lying to be nice when they say my looks are fine. I think it's that one because I really don't think I'm actually retarded. It's gotta be my face. Idk. That with my voice. My voice is def a factor, because sometimes girls will not automatically ghost, block, or whatever me online, sometimes they reply and we talk a little. But IRL? It's almost instant and I've scared girls before. I've made them fast walk away, threaten to call cops or security. It wasn't often, like it was only a few times for that one, most of them didn't do that but they all didn't seem very interested in talking to me, most of the time they just say "I have a boy friend" or something. i bet half of them are lying. idk Ive thought about it so much, there isn't really much to say on the matter more. I'm just reliving shit and making myself angry pissed hating society and depressed.
So that old saying of "ask 100 people and someone is bound to say yes?" its bullshit. And I even have had people not believe I have talked to so many girls and got rejected, they're like no way I've seen guys uglier than you get girls. that there just pisses me off more. Idk what I'm doing other than being me. The other lie, "just be yourself" what a crock of shit. I was just myself when trying.. I've thought about fucking recording myself and seeing if making youtube vids about my failures might get attention enough to make money from it. It's unbelievable. I think most people would think I'm paying actors if they saw how many times I get girls to reject me. I've almost been mad enough just to harrass girls by being near them and saying hi. girls dont like when I do that. I've thought of just being a troll since they're not gonna like me anyways. fuck em. I almost kinda like sitting down on a bench, or at a table and seeing girls pack up their shit and leave or try telling me to go somewhere else or that someone is sitting there. when covid is over i might start doing that just to fuck with them. "could you please leave" "no fuck you its a public area go somewhere else if you want" and watch them annoyed get their shit and leave. It's like fucking magic. I might legit start making youtube vids where I use my omnipresent force magic to go make girls leave areas. That's my special power, the power of getting rejected or making girls uncomfortable or upset in some way.
At some point I accepted the black pill. It's hopeless. Not unless I change my face, hair, and voice tone.... and learn the magic combination of words to say in the right specific manner in order to mentally unlock the wall women have up on me idk.