[Venting] How do design my typical nightmare in 6 steps

IsolationHurts

IsolationHurts

Spanish 29 KHHV Aspie Nostalgiacel
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(Im just venting like a retard for no reason. Ignore me.)

1- Take a group of random young people i knew in college, males and foids, and add me. Or a bluepilled version of me that still has hope.

2- Put us in some random big house where many rooms are free and have a bed. There are no adults, just horny college students finally free from their parents.

3- Throw a party. Everyone is having fun, getting drunk and flirting but me. Im just at the verge of suicide because im socially retarded and i feel isolated and rejected by almost everyone, specially foids. I cope and try my best, it doesnt work at all, and i try to ignore that its over.

4- Make some couples ignore the rest of us because they are having a great time talking and flirting while drunk. They eventually rush to one empty room, as happy as a human can be. I know what is going on, but i dont wanna think about it because i already feel like shit. I keep ignoring as hard as i can that its over.

5- Make me hear them having sex. Its a dream so the moans are literally designed to hurt me, way worse than porn. I cant avoid realizing that it will never happen to to me, and i lose control and panic. I have to suffer in silence, pretending im ok, while i want to die so hard that i eventually suffer a mental breakdown and cry there and everyone cringes.

6- Overkill me. I leave the party and everyone laughs, i walk alone trying to compose myself again, relax and cope, but i still can hear them having sex and Im in extreme anxiety. I feel like there is no cope left for me, that its actually over.

And i wake up. Still feel the pain.

Ive had this nightmare hundreds of times... my subconscious knows me too well and knows this is my absolute and personal suifuel, my hell. Ive been in these kind of situations in the past, and i hate them the most, but those were not as brutal as my fucking usual nightmare that combines everything that tortures me in only one situation. I feel so relieved after i waking up. I almost feel grateful for this "life". College was the worst suifuel i have experienced, i am honestly traumatized. Will i ever get over it? How is it so fucking easy to make me suffer like this? Six fucking steps, and i lose my mind. Im pathetic.

I fucking HATE my life. Really, just FUCK my life. What is wrong with me? Why do i torture myself to this day? I just want to FUCKING rest a little, but my brain hates me too much :feelsbadman::feelscry::feelsrope:Now ill be tired and depressed the whole day. Just, fuck my life. Seriously. This is hell.

Its over.
I need to cope very hard today.
 
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Animecel2D

Animecel2D

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What a horrible fucking nightmare tbh. Sleep is meant to be a reprieve from your shitty life, not where you experience the worst part of it, over and over again. I guess your mind really just hates you that much, that it knows the perfect formula to torture and cripple you. Enjoy your copes, at least.
 
Yerberito

Yerberito

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coping til the end
 
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