I came to a few conclusions.
My body is torturing me, it's trying to get me to satisfy an urge which it imposed upon me. This serves no real purpose, and existence is nothing more than an active harm. Even if I got sex eventually, this would never go away for long. So instead of making an effort to satisfy this urge, I began trying to reduce it, or at least trying to simply cope with it.
Sex is a disgusting act, ER was absolutely right about that much. It's existence incites conflict, cruelty, and causes men to try and dominate/mog each other. It's only real function is to enable more people to be created so they can go on to do the exact same thing, while endlessly consuming along the way. Sex ultimately caused other people to bully and exclude me throughout my youth, and fully accepting this makes sex an extremely conflicted desire to say the least.
Whatever I wanted from women emotionally doesn't exist outside of my own head. Thus it makes no sense to continue expecting any of these things, or even wanting them from women at all. I couldn't make the desires go away, but once I realized that they're my own mental constructs, I was able to dissociate them from actual females, and I stopped feeling bad about any of them.
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