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Venting How to stop self destructive behavior?

Disappointing

Disappointing

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I always commit self destructive acts, like masturbation, drug use, alcoholism, degenerate behavior, spending money freely. How do i stop behaving like this? I have no motivation to do so. Nobody cares about what i do anyway. I feel horrible without doing those things but after i do them i feel abhorrent. There is no winning.
 
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I wish I could tell you.
It is like you ruin within one day of madness the work of several weeks of clarity. Every morning you wake up it starts again.
 
The only way i found to make this better is to get closer to God, and drink coffee, lots and lots of coffee.
 
drink coffee, lots and lots of coffee.
Coffee is good if you have the right kind of brand you can stick with but extremely addicting to the point you get dependent on it to stay awake through the day tbh
 
My two cents, a male group, like NA or AA or a small group where you can have transparency would be a start
 
I always commit self destructive acts, like masturbation, drug use, alcoholism, degenerate behavior, spending money freely. How do i stop behaving like this? I have no motivation to do so. Nobody cares about what i do anyway. I feel horrible without doing those things but after i do them i feel abhorrent. There is no winning.
I always felt having a hobby would occupy my mind with something other than the thoughts of wishing for death.
 
I always felt having a hobby would occupy my mind with something other than the thoughts of wishing for death.
Reading used to hrlp but now i can't find the motivation for it.
 
noose-of-braided-rope-on-a-gloomy-dark-background-failure-or-suicide-picture-id1157887651
 
I always commit self destructive acts, like masturbation, drug use, alcoholism, degenerate behavior, spending money freely. How do i stop behaving like this? I have no motivation to do so. Nobody cares about what i do anyway. I feel horrible without doing those things but after i do them i feel abhorrent. There is no winning.

I do it for self discipline I want to show myself that even though I am a subhuman I can at least control my brain to serve me
 
Coffee is good if you have the right kind of brand you can stick with but extremely addicting to the point you get dependent on it to stay awake through the day tbh
Yup, i'm also hopelessly addicted to caffeine, but i just don't give a damn, it's pretty good.
 
Yup, i'm also hopelessly addicted to caffeine, but i just don't give a damn, it's pretty good.
Addicted to caffeine if I wake up early tbh
If I wake up late in the day I've gone without it and managed for surprisingly long imo.
 
I wish I could stop too, I hurt myself when I'm angry and I even have some scars
 

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