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LifeFuel I ascended through nofap, here's my story :

Octopusgun2

Octopusgun2

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Posts
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7 hours into nofap :

As I exited my vehicle to walk into work, I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn't see her yet but judging by the scent she was in her mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5'6". My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground, I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with her beta boyfriend. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice, I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastas Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target, I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken Hymen and causing her to orgasm instantly. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed, that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You're welcome.
 
lmao this made me laugh pretty hard
 
Wow, and I always thought that nofap does nothing. I feel stupid now.
 
the fastest sexual intercourse ever existed.
Congrats:)
 
ok nofap redditors btfo ure epic dude XD
 
Funny tbh. But I already read this somewhere....
 
Funny tbh. But I already read this somewhere....
You didn't, it's your constant fapping that distorts your memory to make you feel like this post is insignificant so you can drown in your urges.
 
You didn't, it's your constant fapping that distorts your memory to make you feel like this post is insignificant so you can drown in your urges.
How do I fight these evil urges, oh Grand NoFap Master?
 
light year measures distance not time
 
High effort and very funny tbh.
 
sounds fake tbh
 
I can confirm this happens bro.
 

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