I don't want to reveal what the memories and associations are because I cringe and have to stop/repress the thoughts. I actually grind my teeth, close my eyes really hard and say random stuff like "I wanna die" or "I wanna go home (despite being home)" or some other random shit when I get these flashbacks.
Damn, literally can't listen to music anymore. And if I listen to new music then inevitably my mind goes back to my old music and then I remember those cringe memories anyway.
And on top of all this shit I have so much other shit that gives me flashbacks. Uhh, autism or whatever the fuck I have + alcoholism is a deadly combination (although a part of those flashbacks aren't related to alcohol, there's been plenty of humiliation before I ever was an alcoholic too). Just those 2 years and a few months have scarred me for life in so many ways. And there's even plenty of mental scars from before that, but that period was so catastrophic it's like a fresh wound even after more than 3 years. Anyway, even a good part of these music-related cringe aren't the fault of alcohol, damn I really must be autistic or something cause I have so much cringe and humiliation in the past.
Lmao, as a result of all the humiliations and cringe in my life I've finally become controlled, reserved and quiet. I will never create new cringe memories for myself hopefully, but it doesn't matter cause I've fucked my life beyond belief already, there's too much cringe already.
Damn, literally can't listen to music anymore. And if I listen to new music then inevitably my mind goes back to my old music and then I remember those cringe memories anyway.
And on top of all this shit I have so much other shit that gives me flashbacks. Uhh, autism or whatever the fuck I have + alcoholism is a deadly combination (although a part of those flashbacks aren't related to alcohol, there's been plenty of humiliation before I ever was an alcoholic too). Just those 2 years and a few months have scarred me for life in so many ways. And there's even plenty of mental scars from before that, but that period was so catastrophic it's like a fresh wound even after more than 3 years. Anyway, even a good part of these music-related cringe aren't the fault of alcohol, damn I really must be autistic or something cause I have so much cringe and humiliation in the past.
Lmao, as a result of all the humiliations and cringe in my life I've finally become controlled, reserved and quiet. I will never create new cringe memories for myself hopefully, but it doesn't matter cause I've fucked my life beyond belief already, there's too much cringe already.
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