I can basically count the days till I will be doomed to a life of wageslavery. I have precious few months left and yet I can't enjoy them.

[Deleted member 7448]

I dread wageslavery more than anything else. More than remaining an incel for the rest of my life. I'm too far from neurotypical, too many mental illnesses, way too depressed for too long. I'm too lazy, I've rotted too hard and now doing anything other than rotting feels like literal torture.

So these few months that I have left... they are so precious. After that my life will get so much worse, I can't put it into words how much I dread wageslavery, I'm a depressed dude who has rotted for more than a decade and that has many self-caused traumas that cause me great anxiety and even flashbacks on a daily basis. I'll hate it so much.

And yet I can't for the life of me enjoy these times of leisure. Same as this summer (or any other summer in my life), all I want to do is just enjoy myself and yet I can't. I even blocked sites like youtube, reddit, 4chan, .co and others for 36 hours, trying to force myself to enjoy something, even if just video games. And I can't, I think my brain is just too fucked and I can't enjoy anything. So these few months will be wasted as usual, and I'll look back with so much regret once I'm a wageslave paid peanuts in this shithole country. Fuck, I really really hope I get an aneurysm or heart attack or something.

Edit: Now that I think about it, a part of this anxiety to get a job (other than of course incredible laziness and a mix of many other things), is the fact that I am anxious of people in general. I don't have any friends, I've had so many negative experiences with people, I'm always the loner and the odd man out. I'm pretty much agoraphobic at this point and I also have many traumatic events related to other people (caused by my own weirdness of course) that make me anxious to even go outside, I dread bumping into people I know. All of that and the crippling loneliness and work just becomes an even more enormous torture than it is for a regular person.

 

[Cope_Time]

Can relate, I'm anxious too, rotting is the only thing that I can do. I barely play vidya because of rotten brain.
No life experiences, etc.

Everything went downhill since 13.
I'm nothing but a complete failure, a very rare giga loser.

Normies can't even imagine my situation.

 

[WizardofSoda]

When you are wage-slaving for low wages, you still might get enough to be able to afford alcohol, cigars & good greasy, salty take-out food.

 

[Speedloader]

I have couple of weeks till the wageslave

 

[Deleted member 30682]

At least when you start to work you'll value and enjoy your leisure time way more, but yeah wageslaving is torture for guys like us. I'd rather do the shittiest job as long as I don't have to interact with coworkers

 

[ChronicPaincel]

I feel the exact same way

 

[Deleted member 27495]

wage slaving, social isolation, and sensory deprivation has made me start getting into dark shit and counter culture like satanism to cope with how bad things are. and it will only get worse

 

[Deleted member 7448]

When you are wage-slaving for low wages, you still might get enough to be able to afford alcohol, cigars & good greasy, salty take-out food.

Can't drink anymore for many reasons. I guess food can be a good cope but I need to start eating healthy cause I've been eating so, so shit for so long that tbh diabetes or cancer are inevitable unless I change. And that's not the way I want to go, I want to die fast, not slowly and painfully.

Can relate, I'm anxious too, rotting is the only thing that I can do. I barely play vidya because of rotten brain.
No life experiences, etc.

Everything went downhill since 13.
I'm nothing but a complete failure, a very rare giga loser.

Normies can't even imagine my situation.

Yeah my hardcore depression started at ~13 and since then life has been hell. It's been bad then worse then so much worse. Did it to myself though.

wage slaving, social isolation, and sensory deprivation has made me start getting into dark shit and counter culture like satanism to cope with how bad things are. and it will only get worse

Ehh, if I can't see results I don't see the point in doing something unfortunately.

At least when you start to work you'll value and enjoy your leisure time way more, but yeah wageslaving is torture for guys like us. I'd rather do the shittiest job as long as I don't have to interact with coworkers

Doubt I'll enjoy it more though .

 

[Fancy Alcoholic]

Get a degree and try to move abroad. Can be a life changer tbh

 

[Gymcelled]

Tonight I dreamed of being back to my 1st day in college with all my memories intact. I was thinking in my dream: "I better make the days count this time, better build some memories".
Then I woke up.

My brain can't accept that I've wasted my youth and have no memories. All my days were wasted trying to self improve or rotting to recover from the intense self improvement. And I have nothing to show for all that fucking work

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Tonight I dreamed of being back to my 1st day in college with all my memories intact. I was thinking in my dream: "I better make the days count this time, better build some memories".
Then I woke up.

My brain can't accept that I've wasted my youth and have no memories. All my days were wasted trying to self improve or rotting to recover from the intense self improvement. And I have nothing to show for all that fucking work

Lol, I constantly think about that. So many times I've wished I could be transported back in time to my 1st day of college. Omg, so many things would be different. I'd still have my teeth, I'd never drink again, I'd avoid ruining my future, my education, my family and their health and my health and all our money. I'd avoid so many humiliations and embarrassments and traumas and events caused by my own stupidity that scarred me for life.

 

[Gymcelled]

Lol, I constantly think about that. So many times I've wished I could be transported back in time to my 1st day of college. Omg, so many things would be different. I'd still have my teeth, I'd never drink again, I'd avoid ruining my future, my education, my family and their health and my health and all our money. I'd avoid so many humiliations and embarrassments and traumas and events caused by my own stupidity that scarred me for life.

Tbh honestly I don't know what I could change if I went back to my 1st day of college. I'm genetically shackled to hell

 

[WizardofSoda]

Tonight I dreamed of being back to my 1st day in college with all my memories intact. I was thinking in my dream: "I better make the days count this time, better build some memories".
Then I woke up.

My brain can't accept that I've wasted my youth and have no memories. All my days were wasted trying to self improve or rotting to recover from the intense self improvement. And I have nothing to show for all that fucking work

How would you have better experiences in college, with your knowledge that you have now.

The best I could say is with my current knowledge of biology, pharmacology(i have several thousand hours now of reading clinical studies and other medical literature), and in addition years and years of experimenting with pharmaceuticals to find what improves my health.. I could have been in way better health/vitality & maintained a slim bodyweight.

 

[TheNEET]

at least you can find a job tbh

 

[grondilu]

How can you be afraid of it before even experiencing it ?

You know, some people actually enjoy working. You might be one of them. I'm not saying you are, I'm saying you may be surprised. You should be willing to give it at least a try.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJh5wdvdfVE

Plus any kind of work is a source of money that you can use to escortmaxx, or invest so you don't have to work anymore at some point.

 

[RemoveNormalfags]

Have you ever tried to treat your anxiety problems with medication?
Assuming you're in a similar situation like me, you really don't want to visit a doctor and you don't have contacts to get medication illegally.

But what about overdosing legal herbal stuff?
I just ordered some ashwagandha (people say that it can reduce anxiety problems), maybe it's cope and doesn't work at all, but I mean it's at least worth a try, right?

 

[Gymcelled]

How would you have better experiences in college, with your knowledge that you have now.

The best I could say is with my current knowledge of biology, pharmacology(i have several thousand hours now of reading clinical studies and other medical literature), and in addition years and years of experimenting with pharmaceuticals to find what improves my health.. I could have been in way better health/vitality & maintained a slim bodyweight.

That's the worst part: i honestly dont see how i could change things. I mean I suppose I wouldn't have to study much if i retained my memories so i'd have an easier time getting through classes. But in terms of interpersonal achievements and escaping inceldom? Nothing

 

[WizardofSoda]

That's the worst part: i honestly dont see how i could change things. I mean I suppose I wouldn't have to study much if i retained my memories so i'd have an easier time getting through classes. But in terms of interpersonal achievements and escaping inceldom? Nothing

Thats what the game is like on extreme difficulty/nightmare level.

I realized at some point that I'd have to figure out how to get out of my severe health problems first. Granted this is still a process that is ongoing for me.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

at least you can find a job tbh

Some shitty job that pays from $200 to $300 a month in a shithole country even though I'll have a master's degree by then (meme degree but still). Not a job worth having really.

How can you be afraid of it before even experiencing it ?

You know, some people actually enjoy working. You might be one of them. I'm not saying you are, I'm saying you may be surprised. You should be willing to give it at least a try.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJh5wdvdfVE

Plus any kind of work is a source of money that you can use to escortmaxx, or invest so you don't have to work anymore at some point.

I just know. I know for sure. Even when I was a kid, or a teen, I HATED school. I hated college too. I'd arrive at school and at that moment I'd wish I was home. Hell, I'd even say it out loud so it kind of became a joke for the class, how I'd arrive and I'd say I want to go home like 10 minutes after arriving or after the first class.
Plus I can't use the money for anything, it's a shitty country with shit wages, can't afford escorts or to save up for anything worthwhile.

Have you ever tried to treat your anxiety problems with medication?
Assuming you're in a similar situation like me, you really don't want to visit a doctor and you don't have contacts to get medication illegally.

But what about overdosing legal herbal stuff?
I just ordered some ashwagandha (people say that it can reduce anxiety problems), maybe it's cope and doesn't work at all, but I mean it's at least worth a try, right?

There's a lot of reasons why I can't get medication for anxiety in this country. Even other than price, it's just very, very hard to get. Also I don't want to upset my parents by letting them know I have anxiety. And getting any sort of drugs that would alleviate anxiety, anything that influences your brain at all is super hard in shithole countries.

Thats what the game is like on extreme difficulty/nightmare level.

I realized at some point that I'd have to figure out how to get out of my severe health problems first. Granted this is still a process that is ongoing for me.

Sorry to hear that bro, my health is shit too if that helps you feel better. My pancreas is fucked, my molars are ruined and my front teeth are chipped in half, got semi-serious heart problems (not that bad but not great either, sometimes I get scared). And a lot of other shit is wrong. Most of this stuff is due to my own stupidity though.