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Serious I cannot interact with foids anymore

L

Lebensmüder

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Thanks to all the bullying I had to endure due to females in my childhood/youth, I nowadays cannot interact with them (not just because I am a sperg):

When I see a (young) woman walking somewhere I turn my head in the other direction. It's not a volitional movement resulting from a conscious decision, but rather a reflex (e.g. something that is uncontrolable and always happens in the same/stereotypical manner under certain circumstances). Subconsciously I probably know that it's over for me and this is why these movements happen.

I also justify it in that way (subconsciously): Women don't want me and when they don't want me they don't deserve anything from me, they don't deserve the emotional validation/attention they get when men look at them, because this would make them in their mind desirable, I don't want them to have these positive feelings resulting from my actions while I get nothing back. Probably also because I have so much shame looking at womens' bodies (especially when they are barely dressed). Examples of this happening: A woman goes on the beach in a bikini, I turn my head and look at some dogs/at the horizont/at my feet, I see a girl walking in the woods and I look down on the ground or at the woods/leaves themselves.

I also can't talk with female strangers. I don't have these problems with colleagues/on the Internet or something like that, but ordering something at a restaurant for example is impossible. I don't look women in the face and mostly gaze at my hands/my feet when I see one - especially if they are (young) women, this is one the only problems that isn't a direct result from bullying but rather a problem I always had: I never looked people in the eyes, I always looked down on the ground when talking to other people.

I mostly let my parents do the ordering/talking for me when I am at a restaurant where women are employed, I also refuse to say "Thank you!" to them or give them tips, I also would never visit public places or eat in public if my parents wouldn't force me. As I was standing in line and realized that a (tall/young) woman was about to serve me in the shop, I left it and went to a new one because I didn't want to talk to her although this increased my waiting time, the same thing happened in a restaurant where I also left a line deliberately to avoid interacting with a woman. When a woman even remotely looks in my direction (for example in my car), I shudder.

My dream job would be one without women, but in a work setting these problems almost never occur and I can talk to about the subject (e.g. had no problems talking to women at a course for vets about animals/medication) - interacting with them on a professional basis in the job or when I need something for it is a necessary evil sadly.

I also don't have positive feelings towards women anymore, I only had a crush on a (real) girl twice in my lifetime, but for the last years all desire for emotional connection or sexual intercourse with a (real) female vanished completely, only the bitter feelings from my wasted youth remained. I am neither asexual nor a faggot, I find certain parts of female bodies (like boobs, face, legs) attractive, but even when fapping to 3D stuff I mostly look at them at least partially clothed because otherwise I would feel too much shame, I never consumed porn depicting conventional sex acts and I don't like seeing their reproductive organs. I also have no desire to visit a prostitute and don't think about sex acts often, because I feel like I wouldn't make it anyways. The problem is nowadays not only looks, but also psychological.

Can anyone even remotely relate to that?
 
Good, good, let the hate flow through you
 
Thanks to all the bullying I had to endure due to females in my childhood/youth, I nowadays cannot interact with them (not just because I am a sperg):

When I see a (young) woman walking somewhere I turn my head in the other direction. It's not a volitional movement resulting from a conscious decision, but rather a reflex (e.g. something that is uncontrolable and always happens in the same/stereotypical manner under certain circumstances). Subconsciously I probably know that it's over for me and this is why these movements happen.

I also justify it in that way (subconsciously): Women don't want me and when they don't want me they don't deserve anything from me, they don't deserve the emotional validation/attention they get when men look at them, because this would make them in their mind desirable, I don't want them to have these positive feelings resulting from my actions while I get nothing back. Probably also because I have so much shame looking at womens' bodies (especially when they are barely dressed). Examples of this happening: A woman goes on the beach in a bikini, I turn my head and look at some dogs/at the horizont/at my feet, I see a girl walking in the woods and I look down on the ground or at the woods/leaves themselves.
I had that for most of my life. Never could I understand how or why guys looked. I always thought I was the only one with that problem

Now I'm just so numb I don't react to them. But not in the "i became more confident!!!!" way but rather foids are so insanely out of my reach it's like my brain registers them at a fantasy. It's like some advertisement for a capeshit movie
 
I had that for most of my life. Never could I understand how or why guys looked. I always thought I was the only one with that problem

Now I'm just so numb I don't react to them. But not in the "i became more confident!!!!" way but rather foids are so insanely out of my reach it's like my brain registers them at a fantasy. It's like some advertisement for a capeshit movie
This. I see some sci fi stuff as more realistic than getting a GF. It's so unbelievably over. How are you even supposed to talk to them/meet them? Parties don't really happen anymore, only house parties. And you need to know somebody to be invited to those. You need a friend circle to meet them and friend circles are exclusivistic societies that form in high school and the first years of university. Afterwards no new member is accepted.
Otherwise you can only find women on Dating Apps and there only physical attractiveness matters. My boomer father gave me so retarded advice: "Just join some guys on a campfire, bro!" - yes, because they would accept a complete stranger who just comes into their lifes out of nowhere. Boomer-tier advice is probably the most retarded stuff ever.
Good, good, let the hate flow through you
 
This. I see some sci fi stuff as more realistic than getting a GF. It's so unbelievably over. How are you even supposed to talk to them/meet them? Parties don't really happen anymore, only house parties. And you need to know somebody to be invited to those. You need a friend circle to meet them and friend circles are exclusivistic societies that form in high school and the first years of university. Afterwards no new member is accepted.
Otherwise you can only find women on Dating Apps and there only physical attractiveness matters. My boomer father gave me so retarded advice: "Just join some guys on a campfire, bro!" - yes, because they would accept a complete stranger who just comes into their lifes out of nowhere. Boomer-tier advice is probably the most retarded stuff ever.
Another thing that's somewhat related to this feeling of foids/sex not being real: On 4chan I see semi regularly guys posting webms or pics of foids looking into the camera and smiling, biting their lips etc. Everyone reacts in ways like "fuck so cute", "my heart", "muh dick" etc.

It does NOTHING for me. NOTHING. All I feel is utter confusion or shame. Confusion because it's like I'm looking at some paranormal stuff or like I just heard a nonsensical statement that defies all logic. And shame because my brain associates women looking in my direction as them wanting to bully, threaten, mock or hurt me. Because that's all I've ever experienced
 
Another thing that's somewhat related to this feeling of foids/sex not being real: On 4chan I see semi regularly guys posting webms or pics of foids looking into the camera and smiling, biting their lips etc. Everyone reacts in ways like "fuck so cute", "my heart", "muh dick" etc.

It does NOTHING for me. NOTHING. All I feel is utter confusion or shame. Confusion because it's like I'm looking at some paranormal stuff or like I just heard a nonsensical statement that defies all logic. And shame because my brain associates women looking in my direction as them wanting to bully, threaten, mock or hurt me. Because that's all I've ever experienced
Fuck, man. The same thing for me basically. Whenever I see someone posting pictures of girls (especially blonde, white girls with big asses and big boobs with that deer-like look on their faces) I feel nothing. Unironically. I see it as nothing more than self-harm to look at them, a form of torture so to speak. A woman like that who wants something from me is almost as real as an elf for me, I don't even feel aroused by them. Not as a joke, but for real. I would also not have anything in common with her, the entire scenario is almost surreal for me. I only jerk off to girls when I need to, but I don't see the appeal of these images. They do under normal circumstances nothing for me.
 
Fuck, man. The same thing for me basically. Whenever I see someone posting pictures of girls (especially blonde, white girls with big asses and big boobs with that deer-like look on their faces) I feel nothing. Unironically. I see it as nothing more than self-harm to look at them, a form of torture so to speak. A woman like that who wants something from me is almost as real as an elf for me, I don't even feel aroused by them. Not as a joke, but for real. I would also not have anything in common with her, the entire scenario is almost surreal for me. I only jerk off to girls when I need to, but I don't see the appeal of these images. They do under normal circumstances nothing for me.
When I was a teenager and I had the same reflex as you of not checking women out like a normal guy, I remember noticing that I had that reflex and how unusual it is for a man. Yet I also thought it'd be torture to check out a foid because I'd only be reminded what I'm missing out on. And I also tried to not look because I didn't want people knowing I desired women, for whatever reason I felt shame. I'd rather be thought of as the guy with low sex drive or the day dreaming retard than to have people know that i desire foids
 
When I was a teenager and I had the same reflex as you of not checking women out like a normal guy, I remember noticing that I had that reflex and how unusual it is for a man. Yet I also thought it'd be torture to check out a foid because I'd only be reminded what I'm missing out on. And I also tried to not look because I didn't want people knowing I desired women, for whatever reason I felt shame. I'd rather be thought of as the guy with low sex drive or the day dreaming retard than to have people know that i desire foids
Also this. I was also extremely thin-skinned when someone accused me of being in love with a woman and would have never admitted it even if it was true. Example from my bluepilled school days: Girl gets sick, I recommend writing "get-well-letters" to her, a guy from the class accuses me of wanting to get into her pants (I never wanted that, but as an ugly male everyone assumes that of you even if you just want to help someone after a serious disease) as a joke and afterwards never bring up the subject again. I was always very ashamed of everything. Not just with emotions: I hate it when someone watches me while doing math, I hate it when people see me eating etc. When someone watches me, I automatically lose my nerves. Even if I am not browsing porn sites or "forbidden" forums - as soon as my parents enter the room I automatically go to the screen (even if it was entirely socially-accepted stuff I was browsing).
 
Also this. I was also extremely thin-skinned when someone accused me of being in love with a woman and would have never admitted it even if it was true. Example from my bluepilled school days: Girl gets sick, I recommend writing "get-well-letters" to her, a guy from the class accuses me of wanting to get into her pants (I never wanted that, but as an ugly male everyone assumes that of you even if you just want to help someone after a serious disease) as a joke and afterwards never bring up the subject again. I was always very ashamed of everything. Not just with emotions: I hate it when someone watches me while doing math, I hate it when people see me eating etc. When someone watches me, I automatically lose my nerves. Even if I am not browsing porn sites or "forbidden" forums - as soon as my parents enter the room I automatically go to the screen (even if it was entirely socially-accepted stuff I was browsing).
When any interest in you has resulted in people bullying/mocking you, you automatically assume that anyone looking at you is out to get you.
Also about being ashamed of doing normal things: as a kid/teenager anything i liked or did was scrutinized, mocked, etc and resulted in shaming so no surprise. It's like we were never allowed to exist. Forget being ourselves, anything we did was bad so we had to try our best to not exist and avoid all sorts of attention because of all the negative experiences that attention brought

@TheNEET You'll relate to the parents thing
 

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