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Venting I don't think that there is anything which could satisfy me

  • Thread starter Deleted member 8353
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Deleted member 8353

Deleted member 8353

Former Hikikomori, Aimless Pleasure Seeker
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May 29, 2018
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I don't even hate more successful people specifically anymore tbh. But I despise what motivates their behavior, I hate the entire bullshit game. More than anything, I hate that I can see the same things within nearly every motivation that I possess. Nearly every desire I have has become conflicted, all turned against themselves. Really I doubt that even if I could magically switch places with these people, that this feeling would ever go away now. The envy which I used to feel has largely morphed into resentment. I resent being put into this body, having to live a life where I'm forced to consume others if I want to succeed, both literally and figuratively.

Yet despite that, all I really know how to do is destroy. I pick apart and tear down the dreams and illusions which other people use to comfort themselves. That's it, that's the only thing for which I have any talent. Actually building something, or producing something which other people can enjoy is beyond me apparently. I have no intuitive desire to create anything, only for over-analyzing every aspect of my experiences to the point where I nearly go insane. If I try to make myself sit down and create something, it doesn't matter what it is or in what manner it takes, I end up being unable to concentrate, uninterested, and I usually don't enjoy it at all. But I can spend entire days thinking about human behavior, or the ways in which our brains trick us into believing that our lives are worthwhile.

I genuinely hate myself. Not my body, my face, or even my general life, as those things aren't really "me". What I mean is I hate is being a petulant hack who only knows how to make myself and others miserable. It doesn't even matter whether I'm right or wrong, what's important is that this doesn't benefit anyone, least of all me. Regardless, I can't seem to help it. This is why I have to distract myself constantly with escapism, if I don't this is what occupies my mind, this is the better part of what I think about. Imagine spending your life trying to make sure that you don't think, and spending it trying to forget about your own existence. Seriously I wish that time would just stop. I wish that I could remain forever content in an unchanging world free from competition, desire, and entropy.
 
idk. I think the average person is insanely vapid and materialistic and can't empathize with anyone they see as "beneath" them, but at the same time I wouldn't be seething about it 24/7 if I had a mutually affectionate relationship with another person
 
I agree, there's a certain hollowness that can't be filled. There's nothing I enjoy or am interested in, no goals that I could achieve. I keep doing the same things day in day out.

I'm always searching for a thing, for something to make my life feel ... complete. To make me excited, interested, to make it feel worth living. Though for the past few years I've given up on life so much that this search has taken a very lazy and stupid turn. I scour the internet for hours every day looking for a game to finally fill the void, for years I've been doing this now, but nothing fits. I've pirated hundreds of games and nothing has felt satisfying, I delete them in 30 minutes or even 5.

I want to find an activity or something that can fill the void. I've tried for years but this void just keeps on existing, it has turned me into an apathetic, anhedonic robot.
 
We have already realized that our whole life is a complete wase, pointless, bound to fail.

We might find temporary satisfaction, but it's like a hormone rush, doesn't bring true, lasting happiness.
 
Without Jesus nothing will ever make much sense. It's just chasing after the wind full of doubts and pointless suffering, never feeling real purpose.
 
Without Jesus nothing will ever make much sense. It's just chasing after the wind full of doubts and pointless suffering, never feeling real purpose.
I tried coping with religion. Didn't work. I'm just too smart
 
I tried coping with religion. Didn't work. I'm just too smart
Pride is a sin and one of the most serious ones in the sense that it often prevents people from getting saved.
 
Pride is a sin and one of the most serious ones in the sense that it often prevents people from getting saved.
I grew up religious. I prayed to god every day for the last few years. My life kept being embrassing garbage. What's the point
 
Does the bible cope really help? I don't think I could ever convince myself of it tbh. If god exists he knows what I need to be convinced and if he won't provide it... it won't be sincere belief just me playing pretend.
What saves is faith. Faith is pretty much trust. If you trust in Jesus' sacrifice for you, you're saved. But there is also good secular support for the belief, I recommend Mike Winger's channel if you're interested.

Oh, and I remember you asking me about the confusions and apparent contradictions in the Bible, I recently found the solution to it which is dispensacionalism. Rightly dividing the word of truth, as the bible itself teaches.
 
These are symptoms of extremely low serotonin, if you were Chad you wouldn’t feel this way.
 
If I could switch places with someone else, I would
 
Faith was always the reason given to me by my preachers. I grew up in a Catholic family and even served as an altar boy, no lie. I truly believed and even prayed before bed every night, kneeling in front of my bed with my cross. Seriously, I was a devout Catholic.

I never felt anything. My life in school was absolutely brutal. Constant bullying and feelings of worthlessness. I begged god not for help, but just a sign that he was listening. Nothing.
Catholicism is a man-made false religion like all the others. I feel you, many people who grow into false religions and false denominations become atheists later in life. The truth is in the simplicity of the gospel found in 1st Cor 15 1-4:

15 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;

2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.

3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;

4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:


This is the Gospel. The true gospel is 100% Christcentric. Christ is the truth and it's through Him that we're saved. Religions are false. Some denominations are closer to the truth like the Baptists for instance, but still, you don't need any religion or denomination, just Christ.
 
This doesn't answer to me why, if God existed, he wouldn't answer my pleas as an 8 year old to just give me a sign that he was actually there and listening to my pleas. I don't care if I was the wrong denomination or if I was a Muslim or what have you. Any "god" that would ignore a suicidal child who is pleading with him because he was born in the wrong family is not worth worship. And I had faith.
According to the book of Romans, we all sinned and are deserving of hell. God saves us through the sacrifice of His son just out of His good will, He didn't have to do it if He didn't want. He does talk to us, but in this dispensation, that happens very subtly. If you pray and read His word (the bible) sometimes you'll get surprisingly clear answers, it's happened to me before.

God let you live till now and I just gave you the true gospel which saves. Also I'm certain God gave you many other good things even if you're an ugly incel. He's out Creator and everything we have comes from Him, we shouldn't be rebellious, self-centered or mad that we don't understand His ways 100%, we should do what He asks: trusting in the sacrifice of His Son.
 
This is just the "God's plan" argument.

If god is all powerful, he can come up with a plan that doesn't require my years of suffering while attempting to please him or for starving kids in Africa to exist.

If god must operate within a framework that necessitates the suffering of innocent children then he isn't all powerful and his hand was forced, to quote Einstein. And he certainly isn't worth being called god. Refer to Epicurus. Whence cometh evil?
We can't understand exactly how God planned things because he obviously IQmogs us (including Einstein) to infinity. There are also many things that I don't know/understand about Him. For example the Calvinism x Arminianism debate, this is very complex stuff. But I do believe nowadays.

Also, if you're gonna name something that does sound terrible, this is hell, much more than anything. Children dying is nothing compared to an eternity of suffering. Everyone dies in this world.
 
Within my reach? Yeah tbh , same
 
This really isn't an argument, just an appeal to ignorance. But even if it were an argument, it would apply to any and all gods, from Jesus to Zeus to the Toaster God and everyone in between.
But the bible has various fulfilled profecies like the fall of Tire, Babylon, etc.

Oh, exactly, I couldn't agree more; if hell exists, it more than anything else proves the debased immortality of god. No finite crime, no matter hoqw immoral, deserves infinite punishment. Infinite punishment is infinitely unjust.

Even Hitler, or Leopold II, or whatever most evil debased person you can imagine, by simple mathematical logic do not deserve infinite punishment. Maybe 50 years of burning, sure, but at some point, even they deserve mercy. If a human with limited mental resources can figure this out, why can't an all powerful deity figure it out?

Anyone who believes infinite punishment is just for a finite crime is infinitely depraved.
I also have a difficulty accepting it. In that regard, I hope the Seventh Day Adventists are right and hell is not eternal. But it looks to me it is tbh. I guess God is infinite and a sin against him is also infinite. Pretty harsh stuff anyways.
 
All of the prophecies in the bible are prophecies anyone could predict. "There will be wars and famines". There has always been wars and famines.
The Tire one is very specific and everything happened exactly like it was predicted.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYjNCQKfMJ4


How can you worship a god who even you acknowledge acts unjustly then? I have a hard time understanding how someone like you could be so immersed in this, from your posts you seem quite intelligent and skeptical in all other areas, I just don't understand the blind faith here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying intelligence and belief in god are mutually exclusive, but people who are critically minded tend to universally see through the rhetoric of religion.
Thank you for holding me in high regard intelectually. It's not that I think it's unjust per se, it's tough to accept it, but I don't know how heaven or hell will be especifically. I'm not even sure if hell is really eternal, it surely looks like it is, because Jesus said the fire is not quenched, but maybe the people cease to exist, it's just the fire that's not quenched. This is what SDAs believe (note: I'm not an SDA, it's just another false denomination that preaches works for salvation, but even a broken clock is right twice a day).

Like I said, many things of God and of the bible are still a mystery to me. I have been focusing into the Pauline epistles as of late, since I'm a dispensacionalist like I said and believe this is where the doctrine for the church today is.

Idk man, I just believe. Everything Paul wrote makes all the sense in the world to me. The things the bible says are right and wrong make all the sense in the world nowadays to me, especially when I contrast it to modern secular morality which is full to the brim with hypocrisies and double standards. There are the fulfilled prophecies, the things Paul said will happen in 1st Timothy and look like they're really happening exactly like that, there are the responses I got when I prayed and read the bible. The gospel makes sense, we're saved for free, by grace, this is unconditional love. It's a gift you just have to accept. No one can keep the law like the bible says, this is also so clear.

I prayed a lot asking for faith. It's said that faith is a gift as well, from the Holy Spirit. Try that!
 
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I don't even hate more successful people specifically anymore tbh. But I despise what motivates their behavior, I hate the entire bullshit game. More than anything, I hate that I can see the same things within nearly every motivation that I possess. Nearly every desire I have has become conflicted, all turned against themselves. Really I doubt that even if I could magically switch places with these people, that this feeling would ever go away now. The envy which I used to feel has largely morphed into resentment. I resent being put into this body, having to live a life where I'm forced to consume others if I want to succeed, both literally and figuratively.

Yet despite that, all I really know how to do is destroy. I pick apart and tear down the dreams and illusions which other people use to comfort themselves. That's it, that's the only thing for which I have any talent. Actually building something, or producing something which other people can enjoy is beyond me apparently. I have no intuitive desire to create anything, only for over-analyzing every aspect of my experiences to the point where I nearly go insane. If I try to make myself sit down and create something, it doesn't matter what it is or in what manner it takes, I end up being unable to concentrate, uninterested, and I usually don't enjoy it at all. But I can spend entire days thinking about human behavior, or the ways in which our brains trick us into believing that our lives are worthwhile.

I genuinely hate myself. Not my body, my face, or even my general life, as those things aren't really "me". What I mean is I hate is being a petulant hack who only knows how to make myself and others miserable. It doesn't even matter whether I'm right or wrong, what's important is that this doesn't benefit anyone, least of all me. Regardless, I can't seem to help it. This is why I have to distract myself constantly with escapism, if I don't this is what occupies my mind, this is the better part of what I think about. Imagine spending your life trying to make sure that you don't think, and spending it trying to forget about your own existence. Seriously I wish that time would just stop. I wish that I could remain forever content in an unchanging world free from competition, desire, and entropy.
Do fireworks satisfy you
 
Wow, thread title is very foid sounding.
 
Every life is pointless. The goal of life is to actually to find a purpose to exist. Time never stops and the cycle of life and death is unending. There have been many before you with these same thoughts and there will be many after you that will eventually reach the same realization.

'Cope Till You Rope' is actually not a joke. There is so much truth and wisdom within those words.
 
I think you're just too smart for your own good. Unfortunately, emotional intelligence tends to often destroy, not create. You might also be suffering from a thinking addiction, since it might be your primary escapism and pain-avoiding method. Constantly pondering things and putting everything into perspective might make you more intelligent, but intelligence (in this case at least) comes at a heavy price.

Ideas getting destroyed by this might be a painful and miserable experience, but you can only create something genuine and longlasting on the ashes of your burnt down former thoughts. Before you can ever change, you always have to genuinely face what is already there and have the capacity to tear it down, even if it hurts. Wish you good.
 

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