RageFuel I get very angry if I suck at something because I dont want to be reminded of my ineptitude at life

[black_depresso]

As per the title

I am shit at basically everything and have no inherent skill or talent at anything, except perhaps that I can type fast, thats literally it.

But even then when I see someone type faster, I get angry im still not the best.


As a result of spending my life amongst the worst of the worst in basically everything, I've got an almost vicious/aggressive compulsion to just be the best at something FOR ONCE in my life, to feel like I fucking beat people so hard they will never catch up, and to smile to myself I am NUMBER 1, I am UNBEATABLE, and I am a GOD of this particular thing.

But I can't achieve that. Every skill I try im shit at. Writing fiction? I sound artificial and shit and low IQ. Playing piano? I have no music sense and a shit touch. Singing? I just can't, I sound like a cringey autist retard. Competitive computer games? I keep losing.

I fucking RAGE at myself that god isn't allowing me the satisfaction of being the best at something, to compensate for the lifetime ive gone through of being the worst at everything.

 

[Dionysus]

be the best at making sandwiches for me

 

[bonk123]

at least you can type fast

 

[needsolution]

i get upset so fast at video games

 

[ionlycopenow]

I suck at everything. I've just accepted it at this point.

i get upset so fast at video games

I remember I would rage super hard when I was younger and playing battlefield and wasn't mvp of the lobby. I was coping so hard even at that age I sucked at everything except a few games so if I didn't at least get 100 kills in a rush game id get upset