I have a cringe/embarrassing/humiliating memory about so many things that every few minutes I have a flashback that I need to actively shake off.

[Deleted member 7448]

Many of these things aren't even related to alcohol, though those 2 years when I was an alcohol gave me a huge amount of these kinds of things too.

It sucks being a self-aware autist or aspie or whatever I am. I'm very self-aware, very self-conscious and inhibited, but I also have periods of being an almost different person, maybe even manic, that makes me suffer for years afterwards when I remember. Although for the past 3 or so years, after the huge amounts of trauma from when I was an alcoholic, I just became so incredibly controlled and inhibited that I don't dare do anything remotely weird. Although the damage is done already.

Seriously, random things or words could trigger a flashback, and on bad days it can happen every few minutes. And I actually shake my head trying to make it stop.

Ohh right I just remembered that I actually do keep creating new such flashbacks, because I'm so awkward and unused to speaking and being around people, whenever I have to talk or something I end up making a fool of myself. A few days ago I messed up saying good day ... twice in a week to the same person.

 

[Gymcelled]

People say "the biggest regrets you'll have is to not have tried bro!" but all of my worst memories come from me trying and putting myself out there. The cringe and shame doesn't go away even years and decades later. Fuck that stupid advice.

 

[Wexy]

People say "the biggest regrets you'll have is to not have tried bro!" but all of my worst memories come from me trying and putting myself out there. The cringe and shame doesn't go away even years and decades later. Fuck that stupid advice.

low inhib warrior like me

 

[tulasdanslos]

I know what you mean, there's that time when I said out loud that football players masturbate on a biscuit and the last to come has to eat it and everyone laughed.

Or that time I had my jeans sagged and everyone smirked.

Or that time I took a taxi and just said the location I wanted to go before asking if he was available and he grinned.

 

[Deleted member 28903]

This used to happen to me all the time but I stopped caring. I'm still autistic and do awkward shit all the time, but it bothers me much less now

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

reminds me of my dad who had similar events i guess
in the rare event i'm around him, i keep seeing him do this weird "eh!" thing where he shrugs his shoulders and goes eh at basically nothing, like he just had a flashback of treating his family and others badly and shrugged it off instantly
sometimes he goes "eh!" every 5 minutes
he really doesn't give a fuck about all his past, just shrugs off regrets instantly, high T trait

 

[Emba]

I know what you mean, there's that time when I said out loud that football players masturbate on a biscuit and the last to come has to eat it and everyone laughed.

Or that time I had my jeans sagged and everyone smirked.

Or that time I took a taxi and just said the location I wanted to go before asking if he was available and he grinned.

"Soggy buiscuit!"

 

[Deleted member 27495]

people say sharing embarrassing stories helps you get over the embarrassment but some stories are too humiliating to even share and are best left untold, ive had many such moments in my past that i try to repress

 

[LittleDarkAge]

People say "the biggest regrets you'll have is to not have tried bro!" but all of my worst memories come from me trying and putting myself out there. The cringe and shame doesn't go away even years and decades later. Fuck that stupid advice.

Yeah fuck that meaningless platitude. The people who say that are probably normies who've never had anything go seriously blow up in their face before. They don't understand how badly things can go

 

[Ellsworth]

Can you share some of these memories.

 

[epillepsy]

I know what you mean, there's that time when I said out loud that football players masturbate on a biscuit and the last to come has to eat it and everyone laughed.

Or that time I had my jeans sagged and everyone smirked.

Or that time I took a taxi and just said the location I wanted to go before asking if he was available and he grinned.

these aren't so bad.
why did the taxi stop for you if he wasn't available?

 

[Cope_Time]

Can relate.
All I can do is being happy about this times are over and now I'm free to rot.

 

[Antisocialloner]

Can you share some of these memories.

 

[Harambecel]

Many of these things aren't even related to alcohol, though those 2 years when I was an alcohol gave me a huge amount of these kinds of things too.

It sucks being a self-aware autist or aspie or whatever I am. I'm very self-aware, very self-conscious and inhibited, but I also have periods of being an almost different person, maybe even manic, that makes me suffer for years afterwards when I remember. Although for the past 3 or so years, after the huge amounts of trauma from when I was an alcoholic, I just became so incredibly controlled and inhibited that I don't dare do anything remotely weird. Although the damage is done already.

Seriously, random things or words could trigger a flashback, and on bad days it can happen every few minutes. And I actually shake my head trying to make it stop.

Ohh right I just remembered that I actually do keep creating new such flashbacks, because I'm so awkward and unused to speaking and being around people, whenever I have to talk or something I end up making a fool of myself.

I get these cringe flashbacks too. I've been having the flashbacks of me being a sperg since HS Is this a type of mental illness or just another symptom of aspergers?

 

[Trump2020]

That used to happen to me to.

Now I studycel so many hours and have so much information in my head that I don't get those random flashbacks anymore.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I get these cringe flashbacks too. I've been having the flashbacks of me being a sperg since HS Is this a type of mental illness or just another symptom of aspergers?

Don't think it's a mental illness, it's just a result of having a lot of bad memories AND not enough positive social interactions and new positive memories to replace those bad ones.

 

[Czes]

Relatable. The number of pent up memories I had is staggering.
I consider the flashbacks an acknowledgement of the past and the reality of the situation. Hopefully they will stop someday.

People say "the biggest regrets you'll have is to not have tried bro!" but all of my worst memories come from me trying and putting myself out there. The cringe and shame doesn't go away even years and decades later. Fuck that stupid advice.

Having tried my best and failing feels better than having tried and failed while feeling anxious, insecure, confused, and then later thinking back to every little thing I could have done better.

 

[Greyjediincel]

I don't really trust.most psychologists, but you need to find some way to straighten yourself out.

 

[Saigon Depression]

Absolutely relatable. It's like I'm constantly surrounded by dementors, reminding me of my negative experiences, fuck-ups and embarrassments.

 

[Deleted member 24081]

Relatable. Do you suffer from OCD?

 

[MisterMeme]

Relatable. Do you suffer from OCD?

He most likely does I have aspergers and OCD and his experience sounds exactly like what I often go through. OCD+autism really is a horrible combination.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

He most likely does I have aspergers and OCD and his experience sounds exactly like what I often go through. OCD+autism really is a horrible combination.

I don't want to say I have OCD cause at this point, throughout my threads, I've stated I have so many mental illnesses. Like some pokemon shit up in here, like I caught them all.

Autism or aspergers, avoidant personality, ADD, severe depression, anxiety, maybe even agoraphobia, PTSD - these are the ones I have for sure. Not really willing to say I have OCD on top of all that. Not to mention that I suspect several other things I may have but I don't mention them cause I'm not sure, at this point it all sounds too over the top, like even I don't believe a person can be this fucked up.

 

[MisterMeme]

I don't want to say I have OCD cause at this point, throughout my threads, I've stated I have so many mental illnesses. Like some pokemon shit up in here, like I caught them all.

Autism or aspergers, avoidant personality, ADD, severe depression, anxiety, maybe even agoraphobia, PTSD - these are the ones I have for sure. Not really willing to say I have OCD on top of all that. Not to mention that I suspect several other things I may have but I don't mention them cause I'm not sure, at this point it all sounds too over the top, like even I don't believe a person can be this fucked up.

Most of the things you listed could be symptoms of either OCD or autism.

 

[ULTRAMAN]

this reminds me of when my silly psychologist would ask me some things about my past and I would omit them because it caused me embarrassment to relate them. I would have to fill an encyclopedia with humiliation and mockery.