D
Deleted member 11159
Self-banned
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- Joined
- Jul 26, 2018
- Posts
- 8,090
I remember as a kid I was always shy but I really enjoyed being around people that I was close friends with. That gradually stopped when I realized that as I got older every time I was out with my "friends", they'd ALWAYS bring my looks up and make fun of me. I was the butt of all jokes. I was short, skinny and I had a severe undeveloped baby face until about 17 years old. I still do honestly, but it's not as bad anymore. Despite my ugliness now, puberty fucking saved me compared to what I was before 17. I barely looked like a male back then.
It was so incredibly rare for none of my friends to make fun of me after a day out with them, that I slowly distanced myself from them. I lost friends and made new ones but it was always the same thing. We'd be sitting, talking, and inevitably someone would bring up a flaw of mine and that would be talked about for sometimes up to 5 minutes. It happened in school too with my entire class around. That's when it hurt the most since it was brought to everyone attention. It was a flaw that I couldn't really even act like i'm mad about because then i'd seem like the asshole. I didn't want them to think that it got to me either so I just stupidly laughed it off.
Anyway, I feel like naturally if none of that shit happened to me, i'd be a very outgoing person. People like to call me a fakecel because I enjoy going to nightclubs for example. I'm excited to meet new people. But my trauma is always going to be there from when I was younger. Whenever I talk to someone it's like my fight or flight response activates and I try to get out of there.
And anyway, it's not like I can ever properly socialize with anyone. I never developed any social skills because for the majority of my teens I avoided people my age. As a result, I don't have a personality (Yes, I know )
Someone could clone an exact copy of me and sit us next to each other and I seriously wouldn't know what to say. I can't even imagine what it would be like talking to a femoid again. I only did it once and luckily she only talked about herself the entire time: https://incels.is/threads/this-is-w...-as-a-low-value-male-highschool-story.173810/
It seems so crazy to me when I see men my age sitting down with a femoid at Starbucks and making eye contact with them the entire time and never running out of things to say. It's just so surreal since they seem like a whole different species to me.
Basically i'm stuck in a box. I don't have any social skills and I can't develop them since i'd already have to have them to develop them further. Most people learn how to behave like normal human beings in their early teens. I never had that privilege.
It was so incredibly rare for none of my friends to make fun of me after a day out with them, that I slowly distanced myself from them. I lost friends and made new ones but it was always the same thing. We'd be sitting, talking, and inevitably someone would bring up a flaw of mine and that would be talked about for sometimes up to 5 minutes. It happened in school too with my entire class around. That's when it hurt the most since it was brought to everyone attention. It was a flaw that I couldn't really even act like i'm mad about because then i'd seem like the asshole. I didn't want them to think that it got to me either so I just stupidly laughed it off.
Anyway, I feel like naturally if none of that shit happened to me, i'd be a very outgoing person. People like to call me a fakecel because I enjoy going to nightclubs for example. I'm excited to meet new people. But my trauma is always going to be there from when I was younger. Whenever I talk to someone it's like my fight or flight response activates and I try to get out of there.
And anyway, it's not like I can ever properly socialize with anyone. I never developed any social skills because for the majority of my teens I avoided people my age. As a result, I don't have a personality (Yes, I know )
Someone could clone an exact copy of me and sit us next to each other and I seriously wouldn't know what to say. I can't even imagine what it would be like talking to a femoid again. I only did it once and luckily she only talked about herself the entire time: https://incels.is/threads/this-is-w...-as-a-low-value-male-highschool-story.173810/
It seems so crazy to me when I see men my age sitting down with a femoid at Starbucks and making eye contact with them the entire time and never running out of things to say. It's just so surreal since they seem like a whole different species to me.
Basically i'm stuck in a box. I don't have any social skills and I can't develop them since i'd already have to have them to develop them further. Most people learn how to behave like normal human beings in their early teens. I never had that privilege.