I got extremely lucky to meet a friend in a random match of PUBG that i have known for over 3 years online and eventually we met up in real life.
That week made me realize how truly alone I was. i realized such a trivial interaction wtih someone outside my family completely rewired my brain I had energy to wake up every morning because I knew I had something to look forward too, i felt euphoria i have never felt before, i was reinvigorated with hope. But afterwards it was back to feeling like an abused animal forced into a cage, day after day im just looking out the window at everyone else enjoy freedom while I am subjected to a cycle of torment that drives me to insanity. All i have to look forward to at the end of the day is smoking weed and playing some dumb game (my friend vanished for over 2 months now..i have no idea if he roped but its possible)
Pretty much all of us are mentalcels at this point we are all fucked for life how could anyone remain sane when they are devoid of the very things that make us human.