Story I visited an escort - now feeling empty inside

[Saigon Depression]

After almost two months of nofap (by far the longest of my life), I finally took the courage to visit an escort.
29, short, slightly chubby girl, fine tits.

I paid for one hour, but the whole thing lasted for 30 minutes. Still, I didn't mind.
Not that it was bad, because it's not true. But it was not that good either. A little bit artificial. It was hard for me to cum, much harder than I thought it would be.
She was nice, (she was willing to French kiss me and gave me a raw blowjob, swallowed my cum and never humiliated me, even though I wasn't very good at all) but you know, after 28 years of inceldom I expected a sensation that will forever change my life.

Well, I left with the feeling, "Is that it? Is this the source of human life and the basically the primary motivator of everything in this world? It's overhyped"
It feels good physically (but not as good as I expected), but now I feel like.....I don't know. I feel like nothing has changed at all. I mean, I was with a girl, but I don't feel like I've changed at all. The only thing that's not the same compared to 3 hours ago, is that now I'm no longer a virgin, but now suddenly, it doesn't feel like an accomplishment. I just don't care.
The earth shattering revelation or epiphany that I expected before tonight (oh yeah, this is what life and everything is all about), didn't come. And I believe this is what many incels would want to get from this experience and generally, sex and validation from women. But it's just sex, no mystery, no secret, just two bodies. It was incredibly easy to throw off my clothes, just as she did it.

It's hard for me to tell you how exactly I feel. But after tonight, I think I won't be able to care about a lot of things that I did before. I still have inferiority complex towards 95% of the world, I'm ugly, I'm a loser, but I fell like it just doesn't matter. Life doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel suicidal at the moment, although this would still be the optimal solution for me, if I had the courage.

I don't feel like visiting an escort again in the near future. (Maybe if I find two bi girls, but even that fantasy might turn out to be somewhat of a disappointment in reality). I definitely won't marry a woman, nor enter in a relationship. I mean, it was impossible anyway, but now I can truly say that I want none of that. And right now, I don't even want to watch porn. I did watch a lot between short periods of nofap, but now I feel it just doesn't mean anything to me. I don't care about fantasy or desires, I experienced the real thing and....it's good, but not fantastic.

I still know that Chad and Stacy have a better life (and almost certainly better sex) than I just did, but now I don't feel the kind of frustration that I did before.
I'm empty.
I would like stay with this community, because it gave me more than any other in my life, but I don't know how I will belong here. I might turn into a fucking volcel, and suddenly, the thought doesn't fill me with rage. Maybe it will.

I encourage all incels who haven't tried it yet (and have the possibility to do so) to visit an escort. Just find someone, and get this over with. It's not worth the years or decades of frustration.

 

[Rassimov]

I encourage all incels who haven't tried it yet (and have the possibility to do so) to visit an escort. Just find someone, and get this over with. It's not worth the years or decades of frustration.

My ego won't allow it.

 

[Michinomiya Hirohit]

No you have no reason not to kill your self any more just like me

 

[Lester]

Without romantic validation it's just meat humping.

Aren’t you a chad?

 

[Deleted member 8884]

Nothing could ever compare to a female having such primal lust for you that she'll do anything for you. Anything to please you.

Starfish sex or escort sex cannot compensate for this.

 

[Rassimov]

Aren’t you a chad?

How?

 

[Lester]

How?

If I remember correctly you’ve said you’re like 6ft or something and that you’re not even ugly

 

[Deleted member 2686]

Nothing could ever compare to a female having such primal lust for you that she'll do anything for you. Anything to please you.

Starfish sex or escort sex cannot compensate for this.

somewhat this

if you try to get this thinking out this can also be false

tbh I would get a dating simulator tbh

 

[Deleted member 18214]

she was willing to French kiss me

 

[vic624]

You should have done it at age 18. As other posters are saying, it's just a physical act. It can thus satisfy physical urges and the need for skin contact, but what really makes inceldom hell is the lack of emotional validation.

 

[Saigon Depression]

I thought this would be a magical experience, you know, my first kiss, all the love stories I heard, read, butterly in the stomach bullshit.
Now, it feels good (the second best feeling after sucking titties) but not magical. No bullshit.

 

[Deleted member 17719]

I know sex is over rated judging by my rubber pussy however it is the act and the after thought of a woman swallowing my cum that is the turn on for me. I want her to get on her knees and stick out her tongue for my load, none of this bed blow job nonsense. I also like how I would get to fuck Chads sister/daughter.

 

[Saigon Depression]

You should have done it at age 18. As other posters are saying, it's just a physical act. It can thus satisfy physical urges and the need for skin contact, but what really makes inceldom hell is the lack of emotional validation.

Absolutely, I agree with everything you say.

 

[Player]

Ascension doesn't exist. Sex at young age with consent and mutual lust is what counts. This is just masturbation with starfish meat.

 

[Deleted member 10150]

I will never visit an escort, I would rather die a virgin than degrade myself to that level.

i reagreat it now but i see fapping is way more enjoyble for me i just fight my fear to go and fuck escort only this i acheave

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I can't visit an escort currently or I probably would just so I could stop getting intrusive thoughts and obsessing over sex, but I'm not sure I'd even be able to enjoy the experience anyway tbh. However I probably will do it eventually, once I can get a job, and a vehicle.

I'm not certain what I want anymore, at least from existence in general, as nothing that I previously wanted is accessible to me. It's not even cope for me to say that I'm genuinely happier with my waifu than I would be with a foid, as after so many bad experiences, I simply hate people now. So I think I get where you're coming from.

 

[Deleted member 18435]

I will never visit an escort, I would rather die a virgin than degrade myself to that level.

Nothing could ever compare to a female having such primal lust for you that she'll do anything for you. Anything to please you.

Starfish sex or escort sex cannot compensate for this.

 

[vic624]

Btw congrats on the nofap OP. Was that mostly achievable because of depression or was it an actual struggle to break the habit? I'm a sad case of on day 1 of nofap for the last two decades.

 

[RemoveNormalfags]

I think there is a big difference between sex and love.
You experienced raw sex which is just a side effect of love.

 

[Rassimov]

If I remember correctly you’ve said you’re like 6ft or something and that you’re not even ugly

I'm 5'10 without my platform puma sneakers, and no woman over 18 has ever found me attractive.

I will never visit an escort, I would rather die a virgin than degrade myself to that level.

Also this, there is no psychological satisfaction in it.

 

[virgin4life]

So it sounds like you gained a lot of clarity and a lot of confusion and wondering what it's like has gone away from you. I think this is quite valuable to be honest.

 

[Haywire]

so jealous got a raw blowjob and she swallowed your cum fuuuuuuuuuuck

 

[Classic_Jarvis]

this is why friendship with / and validation from an attractive woman is much more desirable than sex. It's ecstatic to be included in a group of friends with attractive females. This is what I believe.

 

[Saigon Depression]

Btw congrats on the nofap OP. Was that mostly achievable because of depression or was it an actual struggle to break the habit? I'm a sad case of on day 1 of nofap for the last two decades.

I've struggled with porn and masturbation for a long time. I mean, all incels do, don't we?
I wanted to get out of this and lead an asexual life. But I saw an embedded porn video here, in this forum around week 3 (around the time I broke my previous record) and I realized that shit, I still want this, and now I feel the urge to visit an escort. It took me 5 more weeks to actually have the opportunity and find the courage to do it.
I think I will continue nofap, at least, right now I don't feel like watching porn and jerking off. It lost the appeal after tonight.

 

[Deleted member 10150]

so jealous got a raw blowjob and she swallowed your cum fuuuuuuuuuuck

OP is richcel he pay good for that imo

 

[Dregster]

My ego won't allow it.

What have you accomplished to deserve an ego?

 

[mcfroggy]

A few minutes of putting your penis in a vagina isn't going to erase a lifetime of isolation and rejection. JFL at ppl who think ascension is getting sex.

 

[Saigon Depression]

OP is richcel he pay good for that imo

It was 90 euros/hour, pretty average for EE standards. Swallowing cum was extra (without it I only would have paid 78). Still, I don't feel that this money went to waste. I experienced it, got what I wanted (well, most of it) and that's it. Just like buying a TV.

 

[littlemanhikicel]

so jealous got a raw blowjob and she swallowed your cum fuuuuuuuuuuck

yes me too. WTF where is that bitch, I want a blowjob without condom and the bitch swallow my cum bro, I think that's ascension srs.

 

[Deleted member 10150]

i pay 30 euro for 30 min no extra condom sex and raw BJ but my high inhibnes kill my dick and the foid jfl at me hard i will fapp to 2D i do not want to wagecuck 24 hours to get this kind of sex

 

[Deleted member 11159]

Were you nervous? How was it the first time you looked her in the eyes knowing that you'll be fucking? Was it hard to get your dick up?
What does a vag fee like?

 

[Deleted member 10150]

Were you nervous? How was it the first time you looked her in the eyes knowing that you'll be fucking? Was it hard to get your dick up?
What does a vag fee like?

i was v/nervous think the foid will stole my phone , she do not look me hide her face dont want to see my face , yes was hard to ge my dick up, my dick was soft i cant feel the vag i just touch boobs and look at her body and smell her hair but she was evil foid i hope she die from breast cancer

 

[AlexanderTheGreat11]

I have to try one before I turn 20. Hopefully a young one around my age too

 

[JestER]

Escortcel = fakecel, try being denied by escorts constantly and say that.

 

[Deleted member 10150]

Escortcel = fakecel, try being denied by escorts constantly and say that.

yes boio im glad this is not my case will be extreme suifuel

 

[Saigon Depression]

Were you nervous? How was it the first time you looked her in the eyes knowing that you'll be fucking? Was it hard to get your dick up?
What does a vag fee like?

Were you nervous?
I was not nervous at all, and this is the thing that surprised me the most. The girl was nice, was not seemingly repulsed by me (although she clearly was not enjoying me more than I did her, but I didn't expect her to feel orgasm from my efforts anyway). She just undressed in front of me, and it felt extremely natural for me to get undressed as well. She clearly looked at it as customer service (in a good way), she was laughing sometimes, encouraged me, told me that sometimes it's hard for her other clients as well to get hard.

How was it the first time you looked her in the eyes knowing that you'll be fucking? Didn't feel any special, to be honest. Before tonight, I thought that the excitement from a simple kiss on the lips would stop my heart. But, she was naked, I was naked, we were doing things to each other and I felt that okay, it's good, but nothing earth shattering. I felt from the very beginning that I seriously overexaggerated sex in the past 28 years.

Was it hard to get your dick up?
Interesting, when she went undressed and I first touched her tits, I went extremely hard. Same when I sucked her boobs. But the blowjob felt much less sensational than I thought it would, it was only good enough to keep me hard. The vaginal fucking was awkward. You can laugh at me, but we tried several positions, and they were either uncomfortable or I couldn't properly insert my dick (lol). Of course I went soft. I was a little bit afraid that I would not be able to enter vagina. But then I raised her leg and fucked her (well, rather moved in her for a while), before I felt that I would finish, so she pulled down the condom and I finished in her mouth. That was good, but again, nothing spectacular.

What does a vag fee like?
Again, good, but nothing serious. Soft, wet, not as warm as I expected. And it had a weird smell and taste. Not disgusting, but I thought it would be something awesome.

 

[JestER]

yes boio im glad this is not my case will be extreme suifuel

The worst part is i'm only in my mid 20's and they've been doing that since my early 20's, jfl at living since it will only get worse from here.

 

[Reddit_is_for_cucks]

so jealous got a raw blowjob and she swallowed your cum fuuuuuuuuuuck

She is just a whore he paid her, they will do that you for enough money.
That’s like being jealous of him cuz he has 500 dollars

 

[Saigon Depression]

Escortcel = fakecel, try being denied by escorts constantly and say that.

I was afraid that I would be denied, but from what she said, she also had experience with some REALLY weird and creepy guys, so I think the fear of being rejected by an escort was not justified. Obviously, she only did it for the money, she would not have sex with me just for the sex, but I took a shower, brushed my teeth, used some mouthwash, and tried to act normal and nice. It was enough.

 

[Deleted member 10150]

I was afraid that I would be denied, but from what she said, she also had experience with some REALLY weird and creepy guys, so I think the fear of being rejected by an escort was not justified. Obviously, she only did it for the money, she would not have sex with me just for the sex, but I took a shower, brushed my teeth, used some mouthwash, and tried to act normal and nice. It was enough.

mee too but the foid do not look at me do not suck it good and laugh at my dick and do not belaive im old to have sex whit her if i was average looking boio and no autismo i will have good time but no im cursed to live this stupid live

 

[Saigon Depression]

A few minutes of putting your penis in a vagina isn't going to erase a lifetime of isolation and rejection. JFL at ppl who think ascension is getting sex.

Of course, I know that I have not ascended and I never will. But this day had to happen sometimes, I don't regret it.

 

[ElliotRodgerGod]

Nothing could ever compare to a female having such primal lust for you that she'll do anything for you. Anything to please you.

Starfish sex or escort sex cannot compensate for this.

 

[Deleted member 11159]

Were you nervous?
I was not nervous at all, and this is the thing that surprised me the most. The girl was nice, was not seemingly repulsed by me (although she clearly was not enjoying me more than I did her, but I didn't expect her to feel orgasm from my efforts anyway). She just undressed in front of me, and it felt extremely natural for me to get undressed as well. She clearly looked at it as customer service (in a good way), she was laughing sometimes, encouraged me, told me that sometimes it's hard for her other clients as well to get hard.

How was it the first time you looked her in the eyes knowing that you'll be fucking? Didn't feel any special, to be honest. Before tonight, I thought that the excitement from a simple kiss on the lips would stop my heart. But, she was naked, I was naked, we were doing things to each other and I felt that okay, it's good, but nothing earth shattering. I felt from the very beginning that I seriously overexaggerated sex in the past 28 years.

Was it hard to get your dick up?
Interesting, when she went undressed and I first touched her tits, I went extremely hard. Same when I sucked her boobs. But the blowjob felt much less sensational than I thought it would, it was only good enough to keep me hard. The vaginal fucking was awkward. You can laugh at me, but we tried several positions, and they were either uncomfortable or I couldn't properly insert my dick (lol). Of course I went soft. I was a little bit afraid that I would not be able to enter vagina. But then I raised her leg and fucked her (well, rather moved in her for a while), before I felt that I would finish, so she pulled down the condom and I finished in her mouth. That was good, but again, nothing spectacular.

What does a vag fee like?
Again, good, but nothing serious. Soft, wet, not as warm as I expected. And it had a weird smell and taste. Not disgusting, but I thought it would be something awesome.

Interesting. I've noticed that after a long period of nofap, it's always the second fap that feels the best. Maybe it's the same thing here?
Did she let you decide exactly what to do and for how long ie the positions? What was your favourite position?
Would you recommend it for someone who's extremely sexually frustrated?

 

[Deleted member 10150]

What does a vag fee like?
And it had a weird smell and taste.

this is not good imo but you do alot of things whit her if i can have escort like this maybe i cna get one here but the price will be my total wage from entire month

 

[iblamemyself]

That's what happens when you lose your virginity late. Once novelty wears off, sex is just like sports on drugs.

 

[Saigon Depression]

Interesting. I've noticed that after a long period of nofap, it's always the second fap that feels the best. Maybe it's the same thing here?
Did she let you decide exactly what to do and for how long ie the positions? What was your favourite position?
Would you recommend it for someone who's extremely sexually frustrated?

Interesting. I've noticed that after a long period of nofap, it's always the second fap that feels the best.
Exactly.

Maybe it's the same thing here?
I don't know what you mean by that.

Did she let you decide exactly what to do and for how long ie the positions? What was your favourite position?
She made some suggestions, but so did I. Unofrtunately, she didn't want to lick my balls (she doesn't like it) or ride me.
I'm not saying that she rushed me, but I don't think that she was sad because I left early. She asked me at least 4 times during the blowjob, whether I would like to put on the condom and fuck her pussy.
Favorite position? Lol Basically, the only one I could enter her properly was when I finally raised her leg to get better access. She was lying on her back and I was like in a kneeling / crouching position between her legs.
But yeah, she was supportive and accepting in most cases.

Would you recommend it for someone who's extremely sexually frustrated?
Absolutely, just don't expect feelings of salvation/redemption. It's a physical act, nothing more, nothing less.

 

[Deleted member 10150]

OP what is best fapping or escort fucking ?

 

[KingOfRome]

I don't know where this idea comes from that sex, itself, is life-changing. Nobody ever told me it was, and nothing I'd heard about it ever indicated to me that it was. Like OP, I lost my virginity to an escort, and it was pretty much exactly what I'd expected. The main reason I did it in the first place was because I didn't want to end up a 30-year-old virgin and be even more of a laughingstock than I already was.

 

[Saigon Depression]

OP what is best fapping or escort fucking ?

I hate to admit it, but today's orgasm was not among the best 3 of my life, those were from fapping.
This one still meant more than all the others, because I cummed in a girl's mouth, even if only for money.

 

[Haywire]

@kampman was her pussy a innie or a outie?