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SuicideFuel I will fade into the dark with absolutely nothing left, that would justify a whole life of misery

Lewis Carroll

Lewis Carroll

Looking for his Alice
-
Joined
Aug 10, 2019
Posts
163
I just can't do this shit anymore. It feels like, since I've turned 25 and found myself closer to 30 than to 20, a switch was turned in my head that made all of my copes useless within days. My ldaring turned into staring at the ceiling in full consciousness of my worthless existence.
Due to recent events I talked myself into going outside, trying another "mindset". I tried to imagine, that this city wasn't a place I've been rotting for years now at, but some place I just recently moved to. I just wanted to see, if this might make me somehow less anxious...more curious if that makes sense.
Going through the streets during one of the first warm, sunny days of the year and watching peopledo, whatever they do is just gut wrenching. I don't even belong to the same fucking species. My appearence doesn't even has to be mentioned. That aside, its just unfathomable, how I could ever behave in a way, that would let me interact with this society.
There is no way I will turn my existence into anything positive, but I refuse to just fade out and give life the satisfaction of doing this to me, just for the purpose of a morbid experiment. This doesn't mean, that I'm planning anything illegal or something that would be harmful to others. I'm to retarded anyway and it would leave a totally wrong message. I don't want a monument to my anger but to my desperation and if I have to burn or gut myelf, but who am I kidding I'm not only retarded I'm also a pussy, so I will just drink myself to death within the next decade.
 
25cel @LastGerman

I can relate to a certain extent. It's over
 
1 The words of the Teacher,[a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”
3 What do people gain from all their labors
at which they toil under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
11 No one remembers the former generations,
and even those yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow them.


take the Eccleasiastes pill and follow god for only a perfect being who is able to share his good is able to fullfill man
 
Dotor who sad reaction
 
FBIcels on alert mode while their wives and daughters are getting doggied by chad. JFL
 
I don't want a monument to my anger but to my desperation and if I have to burn or gut myelf, but who am I kidding I'm not only retarded I'm also a pussy, so I will just drink myself to death within the next decade.

Me 3 years ago ngl. :feelsbadman:
 
I'm an old man who hasn't lived a single day

Same here basically. I am just ''existing''. I am watching other people living their lives. I just go outside and I see people are going to their car, while I have to take public transportation. Those people have to do basic errands or they have to arrive at their decent workplace. They all have their own families, while I still live with my parents at age 25.
While those people are going to their decent workplace, I have to arrive at the employment agency, walking 15 minutes to the bus stop and then I have to wait 30 minutes for the train to arrive. The only thing that I have going on for me, is my training.
 
Same here basically. I am just ''existing''. I am watching other people living their lives. I just go outside and I see people are going to their car, while I have to take public transportation. Those people have to do basic errands or they have to arrive at their decent workplace. They all have their own families, while I still live with my parents at age 25.
While those people are going to their decent workplace, I have to arrive at the employment agency, walking 15 minutes to the bus stop and then I have to wait 30 minutes for the train to arrive. The only thing that I have going on for me, is my training.
Imagine having the enery to do stuff outside my couch.
 
I just can't do this shit anymore. It feels like, since I've turned 25 and found myself closer to 30 than to 20, a switch was turned in my head that made all of my copes useless within days. My ldaring turned into staring at the ceiling in full consciousness of my worthless existence.
Due to recent events I talked myself into going outside, trying another "mindset". I tried to imagine, that this city wasn't a place I've been rotting for years now at, but some place I just recently moved to. I just wanted to see, if this might make me somehow less anxious...more curious if that makes sense.
Going through the streets during one of the first warm, sunny days of the year and watching peopledo, whatever they do is just gut wrenching. I don't even belong to the same fucking species. My appearence doesn't even has to be mentioned. That aside, its just unfathomable, how I could ever behave in a way, that would let me interact with this society.
There is no way I will turn my existence into anything positive, but I refuse to just fade out and give life the satisfaction of doing this to me, just for the purpose of a morbid experiment. This doesn't mean, that I'm planning anything illegal or something that would be harmful to others. I'm to retarded anyway and it would leave a totally wrong message. I don't want a monument to my anger but to my desperation and if I have to burn or gut myelf, but who am I kidding I'm not only retarded I'm also a pussy, so I will just drink myself to death within the next decade.



You dont understand do you ...


There is no way out for the Autist , you belong to a whole other breed of humans , we called the NON- NTs , we are a different branch in the human evolution , our brains wired diffrently ....we are like aliens in a foreign planet .
 
Last edited:
Simply brutal. There is no hope or true happiness in our lives. Only constant suffering.
 
I feel like this too. Yet whenever I'm looking for a way out everyone tells me 'you're too young!' or 'just do your work and focus on success and you'll change your mind'...

Even my doctor recommended that I should see a therapist for my 'mental health problems'. But wtf is he gonna do besides prescribing antidepressants? He can't magically solve my problems. I'm not wasting a minute of my time for speaking to a therapist, telling him how messed up my life is.
 
I just can't do this shit anymore. It feels like, since I've turned 25 and found myself closer to 30 than to 20, a switch was turned in my head that made all of my copes useless within days. My ldaring turned into staring at the ceiling in full consciousness of my worthless existence.
Due to recent events I talked myself into going outside, trying another "mindset". I tried to imagine, that this city wasn't a place I've been rotting for years now at, but some place I just recently moved to. I just wanted to see, if this might make me somehow less anxious...more curious if that makes sense.
Going through the streets during one of the first warm, sunny days of the year and watching peopledo, whatever they do is just gut wrenching. I don't even belong to the same fucking species. My appearence doesn't even has to be mentioned. That aside, its just unfathomable, how I could ever behave in a way, that would let me interact with this society.
There is no way I will turn my existence into anything positive, but I refuse to just fade out and give life the satisfaction of doing this to me, just for the purpose of a morbid experiment. This doesn't mean, that I'm planning anything illegal or something that would be harmful to others. I'm to retarded anyway and it would leave a totally wrong message. I don't want a monument to my anger but to my desperation and if I have to burn or gut myelf, but who am I kidding I'm not only retarded I'm also a pussy, so I will just drink myself to death within the next decade.

Take comfort in knowing that this useless millennia will be consumed by time regardless. All of this is insignificant and meaningless.
 
When your mom and dad's genes reshuffled into your very own DNA, it was over
 
You dont understand do you ...


There is no way out for the Autist , you belong to a whole other breed of humans , we called the NON- NTs , we are a different branch in the human evolution , our brains wired diffrently ....we are like aliens in a foreign planet .

I really need to grow the balls to end myself or die trying to become a true ubermensch.
 
This is the fate of all oldcels approaching late 20s and early 30s, who realize that even though there's still some time left in our lives, there's no way you can take advantage of that time and make use of it in some meaningful way, which is why our lives have essentially ended even though we continue existing. Our lives peaked some time ago and nothing better will emerge from going on living.

I only know about my subhumanity for roughly 10 years, jfl thinking I could do 50 more. And every day will be worse than the day before, I'm already in hell, yet I deteriorate mentaly and physically more and more.
 

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