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I wish I could spend my days not being on a PC. I wish I had a reason to go outside the house and not feel bored, anxious or that it's pointless.

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Deleted member 7448

Deleted member 7448

Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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It's unnatural this life I've been living. Cooped up in my room since I was a child, always rushing home. Spending all my free time indoors, all my summers spending 16 hours a day on the PC, like every weekend.

But I can't change that. I can't just go outside and do ... nothing.

I guess having no friends whatsoever (and no family other than my parents) does have some unexpected consequences.

I want a change of scenery, really. To do something different, to relax in different ways and experience other things. I'm like one of those princesses imprisoned in a fucking tower, except it's self-imposed.

But tbh it's too hard now, to even try to change. I've lived this way since childhood so mentally it would be a very hard task to change, I'd have to fight a lot of my instincts and wants, like going through withdrawals, and I'd be very anxious. But my body has also atrophied after laying in bed every waking hour with my laptop next to me. Merely standing up is draining energy, but being outside the house would be e a huge pain in the ass that would require months if not years of getting used to.
 
There’s no point in leaving the house if there is no reason to do so. If I have to leave the house I do it at past midnight when no one is around.
 
Grab a skateboard and go to a park
 
tbh once I actually work up the motivation to go outside I can just chill there all day. LDARing out in the hills is basically the same thing as LDARing on the internet. you can just kick back and you don't really feel like doing anything else. doing nothing out in the sun is actually one of my favorite activities
 
I feel you bro. I used to with my parents to the countryside during college break and it was really refreshing, a little bit boring sometimes but you really feel like you're alive.

In the future I plan on staying as minimum as possible on a computer and enjoy more the "real thing". Also would recomend not watching much tv or the news to enhance the experience, these things can ruin it all.
 
I feel you. I want to go out but the type of people I get along with are just like you and I, even the girls. Meanwhile all the fucking normies are out and about everywhere. There's more credence to the redpill confidence bullshit than you think, but I think it's all inborn. Some people are made to have social lives and everyone else can rot, especially men, who have zero sexual worth. On top of the confidence, hobbies and interests count. I've faked my way up to being semi-acceptable to normals but I have no interest in their pop culture, hobbies, and I hate their slang and mannerisms, it's so crude and arrogant.

I cope by making friends online. It's not the fucking same though, and a lot of them get ass-mad when I tel them that, particularly quasi-normies who do in fact have social hobbies, and even dates. One time, I joined a server where they were all friends online for years, guys and girls, and some of them had met up in real life and fucked (if I believe them). Didn't say it but for sure they met up in person just to hang out as well, even though some lived across the world. I still don't see that as a close connection, meeting up once or twice year does not compare to face to face same place interaction on a daily or weekly basis even.

If you can't get at least friends in real life, not online, it's over. I can barely make real friends in real life anymore, even before the virus it was getting harder and harder with age and experience.
 
You could try going for a run

But really any other activity is pointless with no friends

I feel like in that regard Im fucked since I have 0 friends

You could go out to see a movie by yourself but that would just be pathetic (reminder that girls also suck off their boyfriends during screenings too)
 
You could try going for a run

But really any other activity is pointless with no friends

I feel like in that regard Im fucked since I have 0 friends

You could go out to see a movie by yourself but that would just be pathetic (reminder that girls also suck off their boyfriends during screenings too)
 
I feel you. I want to go out but the type of people I get along with are just like you and I, even the girls. Meanwhile all the fucking normies are out and about everywhere. There's more credence to the redpill confidence bullshit than you think, but I think it's all inborn. Some people are made to have social lives and everyone else can rot, especially men, who have zero sexual worth. On top of the confidence, hobbies and interests count. I've faked my way up to being semi-acceptable to normals but I have no interest in their pop culture, hobbies, and I hate their slang and mannerisms, it's so crude and arrogant.

I cope by making friends online. It's not the fucking same though, and a lot of them get ass-mad when I tel them that, particularly quasi-normies who do in fact have social hobbies, and even dates. One time, I joined a server where they were all friends online for years, guys and girls, and some of them had met up in real life and fucked (if I believe them). Didn't say it but for sure they met up in person just to hang out as well, even though some lived across the world. I still don't see that as a close connection, meeting up once or twice year does not compare to face to face same place interaction on a daily or weekly basis even.

If you can't get at least friends in real life, not online, it's over. I can barely make real friends in real life anymore, even before the virus it was getting harder and harder with age and experience.
Yeah, online friends are pointless. Eventually you lose touch anyway, those relationships never last long. And they have little actual impact on your life, it's mostly just cathartic but ultimately pointless chatter.

Though I don't even want irl friends, my avoidant personality kicks in really fast and I start avoiding people at the slightest sign of more than being colleagues, I get anxiety and shit.
 
Used to feel the same way. Still would. Chose to become a full time junkie. I have so many days I can't remember lol. Not trying to recommend it. But seriously do see a doctor about genuine anti-anxiety meds, most of them are bullshit, though benzos work amazingly but they are addictive af and destroy your brain over time.
 
Yeah, online friends are pointless. Eventually you lose touch anyway, those relationships never last long. And they have little actual impact on your life, it's mostly just cathartic but ultimately pointless chatter.
 
Yeah, online friends are pointless. Eventually you lose touch anyway, those relationships never last long. And they have little actual impact on your life, it's mostly just cathartic but ultimately pointless chatter.

Though I don't even want irl friends, my avoidant personality kicks in really fast and I start avoiding people at the slightest sign of more than being colleagues, I get anxiety and shit.
I'm generally the opposite in real life, I am way too friendly with strangers to the point of being seen as sanguine personality type, but that's all fake and it breaks down fast once people get to know me and especially once girls start to realize I'm not actually confidentmaxxing but just faking. Having no common interests really doesn't help, I can't stand anything flashy or fast, it's too much for my slow brain.

I only wish I could be closer to people in general, a few times I have almost had deeper friendships with cool and meaningful discussions, but all my friends are the exact kind of anti social that I try to not be. The people who would be fun for me are too fucking fast and I can't keep up. It's over for cyborgs.

As for online connections, I don't know anymore. Now that I can't talk to anyone in person I rely fully on the net for both existing real life friendships as well as purely online or currently online-only friendships. What I will say is that if your chance of dating was at or near incel-tier in real life, it drops to a hard fucking zero online. especially if you fail the tickmarks (talk short, use slang, simple cold profile picture, actual friends and posts on accounts, can keep up with chats and get jokes like a non-autist).

I don't find "catharsis" or other bullshit complex sad emotions like that from online interaction but I do get free games and apps from people, multiplayer servers to chill on, and long talks that give me ideas and help as well as let me help other people who I think deserve it.
 
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I'm generally the opposite in real life, I am way too friendly with strangers to the point of being seen as sanguine personality type, but that's all fake and it breaks down fast once people get to know me and especially once girls start to realize I'm not actually confidentmaxxing but just faking. Having no common interests really doesn't help, I can't stand anything flashy or fast, it's too much for my slow brain.

I only wish I could be closer to people in general, a few times I have almost had deeper friendships with cool and meaningful discussions, but all my friends are the exact kind of anti social that I try to not be. The people who would be fun for me are too fucking fast and I can't keep up. It's over for cyborgs.

As for online connections, I don't know anymore. Now that I can't talk to anyone in person I rely fully on the net for both existing real life friendships as well as purely online or currently online-only friendships. What I will say is that if your chance of dating was at or near incel-tier in real life, it drops to a hard fucking zero online. especially if you fail the tickmarks (talk short, use slang, simple cold profile picture, actual friends and posts on accounts, can keep up with chats and get jokes like a non-autist).
Tbh I'd rather not have any online friendships and be more miserable. And not participate in any communities such as these either.

The problem is that they're cathartic. You vent, you complain, you feel better. And yet not one fucking thing has changed in your life.

So you continue the cycle, you live the same life that has made you complain in the first place, but you can continue doing it cause venting and a sense of camaraderie or fellowship has replaced what would have been real, irl steps towards bettering your life.

We need that pain, we need that feeling of misery. Not having irl connections should make us feel miserable, and the false sense of relief online communities/friends give is just a surefire recipe to end up 45 in an empty apartment, knowing no one in real life, not having talked to a soul outside of work in years. Though I'll end up like that anyway since I'm avoidant and antisocial as hell.
Used to feel the same way. Still would. Chose to become a full time junkie. I have so many days I can't remember lol. Not trying to recommend it. But seriously do see a doctor about genuine anti-anxiety meds, most of them are bullshit, though benzos work amazingly but they are addictive af and destroy your brain over time.
Can't do that in this country, don't want to get into reasons why. Plus I'm too anxious to go to the doctor for this shit, I won't talk to anybody irl about this. Plus if I went to the doctor I'd worry my parents too (I live with them), and I don't want to put them through this shit again.
 
Tbh I'd rather not have any online friendships and be more miserable. And not participate in any communities such as these either.

The problem is that they're cathartic. You vent, you complain, you feel better. And yet not one fucking thing has changed in your life.

So you continue the cycle, you live the same life that has made you complain in the first place, but you can continue doing it cause venting and a sense of camaraderie or fellowship has replaced what would have been real, irl steps towards bettering your life.

We need that pain, we need that feeling of misery. Not having irl connections should make us feel miserable, and the false sense of relief online communities/friends give is just a surefire recipe to end up 45 in an empty apartment, knowing no one in real life, not having talked to a soul outside of work in years. Though I'll end up like that anyway since I'm avoidant and antisocial as hell.

Can't do that in this country, don't want to get into reasons why. Plus I'm too anxious to go to the doctor for this shit, I won't talk to anybody irl about this. Plus if I went to the doctor I'd worry my parents too (I live with them), and I don't want to put them through this shit again.
You remind me of a lot of people I talk with online, actually. This sort of life is fucked shit is really common on any social media app that's not 100% mainstream.
I don't vent though, I vent to real life people (family, friends, maybe coworkers). I let other people vent because I feel like shit knowing so many people are like this, whether by choice or not. It's fucked up and shows how much society is going backwards due to technology, when people are less happy, having less real connections, and doing less with their free time.

The biggest meme though is online relationships, those are 100% only possible for the most extroverted of normals. Having one and keeping it is hard, plus e-sex or whatever in any way sounds like a huge fucking meme. I thought I could get one back when I was 12 or so and it turned out to be a fucking larper who looking back probably went MtF. Since then, I haven't bothered. Once in a while actual, born female girls reveal their gender (show tits or gtfo applies as usual but I can't say that around normies online), but it doesn't change shit. They almost always have guys already/not open (uh huh)... / see you as a friend blah blah. It's a sold market.

Even online in words only text, no pics, no voice, (if not especially so), people can tell you're a mentalcel by how you write and how you react (including how little/much), so that super grinds my gears. Esp. if trying to chadfish/chadlarp. Also the common interests bullshit comes up again along with arcane and low-Iq slang bullshit you have to learn like a fucking school test/dictionary.
 
You remind me of a lot of people I talk with online, actually. This sort of life is fucked shit is really common on any social media app that's not 100% mainstream.
I don't vent though, I vent to real life people (family, friends, maybe coworkers). I let other people vent because I feel like shit knowing so many people are like this, whether by choice or not. It's fucked up and shows how much society is going backwards due to technology, when people are less happy, having less real connections, and doing less with their free time.

The biggest meme though is online relationships, those are 100% only possible for the most extroverted of normals. Having one and keeping it is hard, plus e-sex or whatever in any way sounds like a huge fucking meme. I thought I could get one back when I was 12 or so and it turned out to be a fucking larper who looking back probably went MtF. Since then, I haven't bothered. Once in a while actual, born female girls reveal their gender (show tits or gtfo applies as usual but I can't say that around normies online), but it doesn't change shit. They almost always have guys already/not open (uh huh)... / see you as a friend blah blah. It's a sold market.

Even online in words only text, no pics, no voice, (if not especially so), people can tell you're a mentalcel by how you write and how you react (including how little/much), so that super grinds my gears. Esp. if trying to chadfish/chadlarp. Also the common interests bullshit comes up again along with arcane and low-Iq slang bullshit you have to learn like a fucking school test/dictionary.
At the end of the day we need to learn not to waste time on things we understand are wastes of time. I do it every single day and I've done it my entire life. Same thing with you, you perfectly understand how useless these online interactions are, and yet you still dedicate a lot of mental energy and thought to them. It's one of the hardest things to do in life, and tbh I don't know if I have what it takes, but we need some discipline.
 
At the end of the day we need to learn not to waste time on things we understand are wastes of time. I do it every single day and I've done it my entire life. Same thing with you, you perfectly understand how useless these online interactions are, and yet you still dedicate a lot of mental energy and thought to them. It's one of the hardest things to do in life, and tbh I don't know if I have what it takes, but we need some discipline.
I enjoy the shit out of it, although I prefer to spend more time gaming because I like creating shit (in Minecraft). Legit thought that making games/custom levels as a kid would help me learn coding...I fucked up big time. But it did teach me patience, logic, and some math. So entertainment is not all a waste, even online.

Anyway, my autism/spergers means I can't stand 90% of normal entertainment because I shut down mentally when there's too much going on around here or I have to process too much in a social situation.
I went from being on my PC all day to rotting in bed all day with an Xbox and my phone. Really, you're going to rot one way or another.
Unless you make yourself busy. I pushed myself into extracurriculars starting in middle school after years of nagging and being forced into them by my parents. Was probably why those were my better years of childhood/adolescence.
University alone keeps me busy a lot of the time though, this week I was here because I had a reading week period (and I came here because I want to join the Discord), but then I'm getting tests next week and projects once again so I'll be busy all the time again anyway.
(Work is going to be shit though, I just feel it).
 
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I enjoy the shit out of it, although I prefer to spend more time gaming because I like creating shit (in Minecraft). Legit thought that making games/custom levels as a kid would help me learn coding...I fucked up big time. But it did teach me patience, logic, and some math. So entertainment is not all a waste, even online.

Anyway, my autism/spergers means I can't stand 90% of normal entertainment because I shut down mentally when there's too much going on around here or I have to process too much in a social situation.

Unless you make yourself busy. I pushed myself into extracurriculars starting in middle school after years of nagging and being forced into them by my parents. Was probably why those were my better years of childhood/adolescence.
University alone keeps me busy a lot of the time though, this week I was here because I had a reading week period (and I came here because I want to join the Discord), but then I'm getting tests next week and projects once again so I'll be busy all the time again anyway.
(Work is going to be shit though, I just feel it).
Offtopic but I have an autistic obsession with Minecraft too. But it's more ridiculous and stupid than anything I've heard. So, basically Minecraft has an element to it that ... calls to me. I guess it's the freedom and the possibilities. I used to do the following with multiple games, but with Minecraft it was much more intense. So basically I installed Minecraft. I installed modpacks. I research the modpacks for hours to find the perfect thing that fits me. Then I play it, I don't feel that feeling that I'm searching for, I think that Minecraft is boring and not for me, then I delete the modpacks and Minecraft itself. Then the next day I go through THE WHOLE process again. Literally searching for a good modpack for hours, reinstalling everything etc... Then I uninstall it and go through it again the next day. I did that for a few months before I stopped. Then a few months later I did that again. For now I've stopped but tbh I still feel the void. It's related to my search for a game that will fill the void, I literally search for games for hours every day, literally searching. But I keep installing games and deleting them in 5 minutes cause they just don't do it for me anymore. Few games nowadays hook me for more than a few minutes. God damn this is peak autism.
 
Offtopic but I have an autistic obsession with Minecraft too. But it's more ridiculous and stupid than anything I've heard. So, basically Minecraft has an element to it that ... calls to me. I guess it's the freedom and the possibilities. I used to do the following with multiple games, but with Minecraft it was much more intense. So basically I installed Minecraft. I installed modpacks. I research the modpacks for hours to find the perfect thing that fits me. Then I play it, I don't feel that feeling that I'm searching for, I think that Minecraft is boring and not for me, then I delete the modpacks and Minecraft itself. Then the next day I go through THE WHOLE process again. Literally searching for a good modpack for hours, reinstalling everything etc... Then I uninstall it and go through it again the next day. I did that for a few months before I stopped. Then a few months later I did that again. For now I've stopped but tbh I still feel the void. It's related to my search for a game that will fill the void, I literally search for games for hours every day, literally searching. But I keep installing games and deleting them in 5 minutes cause they just don't do it for me anymore. Few games nowadays hook me for more than a few minutes. God damn this is peak autism.
No yeah I do the same thing but with many, many things, not just Minecraft. Fuck me if I can ever replace real human interaction with a bloody machine.
 
I went from being on my PC all day to rotting in bed all day with an Xbox and my phone. Really, you're going to rot one way or another.
Tbh I'd rather do that than what awaits me a year from now ... wageslaving all day for pennies. God damn it haunts my dreams.
No yeah I do the same thing but with many, many things, not just Minecraft. Fuck me if I can ever replace real human interaction with a bloody machine.
I got something for you that will make you feel better. It's the fact that you realize that human interaction is better. Because I don't. I seriously must've broken my brain from all the rotting, or when I was an alcoholic, but it's hard for me to comprehend to see the point in much of anything, even things like human relationships. Everything seems pointless and meaningless, and no matter how much I read or think about how I'm wrong, it just doesn't click in my brain and it all seems pointless.

So be glad that you understand. Make it your goal to change your life and actually build real relationships.
 
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I have been living like this since I was in college. Glued to a screen, just letting it eat away my time and life. I can assure you that going out aimlessly won't change anything. You have to find a purpose to move out of the house. To actually do something. Also you will never be truly NT again. Life experiences change you.

My suggestion is, atleast get some sunlight daily. If your room doesn't have that and you don't go out you will develop severe depression. Justgetsunlight theory.

But the quickest way out that I know of is gymcelling, or atleast exercisecelling. Physical activity is a great cope and can bring a lot of healing.
 
I have been living like this since I was in college. Glued to a screen, just letting it eat away my time and life. I can assure you that going out aimlessly won't change anything. You have to find a purpose to move out of the house. To actually do something. Also you will never be truly NT again. Life experiences change you.

My suggestion is, atleast get some sunlight daily. If your room doesn't have that and you don't go out you will develop severe depression. Justgetsunlight theory.

But the quickest way out that I know of is gymcelling, or atleast exercisecelling. Physical activity is a great cope and can bring a lot of healing.
I've been doing it since I was a child, but of course it got worse and worse, college is when I went into turbo hermit mode.

I hate exercise though. I literally hate it so much it feels like I'm dying when I do it. It's not only boring but every second is grueling. To not accelerate my already deteriorating health I've been forcing myself to do some pushups every day, I've been doing them for idk how long, like 1 year (or maybe 2 I don't remember), and I still fucking hate them. They're over in 1 minute, and still every god damn day I dread that 1 minute of exercise.
 
Offtopic but I have an autistic obsession with Minecraft too. But it's more ridiculous and stupid than anything I've heard. So, basically Minecraft has an element to it that ... calls to me. I guess it's the freedom and the possibilities. I used to do the following with multiple games, but with Minecraft it was much more intense. So basically I installed Minecraft. I installed modpacks. I research the modpacks for hours to find the perfect thing that fits me. Then I play it, I don't feel that feeling that I'm searching for, I think that Minecraft is boring and not for me, then I delete the modpacks and Minecraft itself. Then the next day I go through THE WHOLE process again. Literally searching for a good modpack for hours, reinstalling everything etc... Then I uninstall it and go through it again the next day. I did that for a few months before I stopped. Then a few months later I did that again. For now I've stopped but tbh I still feel the void. It's related to my search for a game that will fill the void, I literally search for games for hours every day, literally searching. But I keep installing games and deleting them in 5 minutes cause they just don't do it for me anymore. Few games nowadays hook me for more than a few minutes. God damn this is peak autism.


Peak autism? You obviously missed my post when I bought myself a trophy for winning the league on FIFA 20
 
Peak autism? You obviously missed my post when I bought myself a trophy for winning the league on FIFA 20
Hah, nice. At least you won something bro.
 
I've been doing it since I was a child, but of course it got worse and worse, college is when I went into turbo hermit mode.

I hate exercise though. I literally hate it so much it feels like I'm dying when I do it. It's not only boring but every second is grueling. To not accelerate my already deteriorating health I've been forcing myself to do some pushups every day, I've been doing them for idk how long, like 1 year (or maybe 2 I don't remember), and I still fucking hate them. They're over in 1 minute, and still every god damn day I dread that 1 minute of exercise.
I can empathize with the "grueling" and "boring" part. But many times its the only thing that makes me feel alive. Its not something I enjoy doing in the moment but it helps lift up the mood. The thing is..... To exercisecell you need a somewhat bluepilled mindset. If you believe its going to improve you, it will start feeling good as it will give a false sense of progress when done regularly. Plus it shakes up the depressed mind. Human body is simply not build to sit around all day.
 
I can empathize with the "grueling" and "boring" part. But many times its the only thing that makes me feel alive. Its not something I enjoy doing in the moment but it helps lift up the mood. The thing is..... To exercisecell you need a somewhat bluepilled mindset. If you believe its going to improve you, it will start feeling good as it will give a false sense of progress when done regularly. Plus it shakes up the depressed mind. Human body is simply not build to sit around all day.
I also hate how the progress isn't permanent. If gains were to never fade away it would be great, I'd work my ass off, but if you stop for a few months your body turns to shit again and all that effort is wasted.
 
Tbh I'd rather do that than what awaits me a year from now ... wageslaving all day for pennies. God damn it haunts my dreams.

I got something for you that will make you feel better. It's the fact that you realize that human interaction is better. Because I don't. I seriously must've broken my brain from all the rotting, or when I was an alcoholic, but it's hard for me to comprehend to see the point in much of anything, even things like human relationships. Everything seems pointless and meaningless, and no matter how much I read or think about how I'm wrong, it just doesn't click in my brain and it all seems pointless.

So be glad that you understand. Make it your goal to change your life and actually build real relationships.
During school time, I have pretty real friendships, I'd say. I was getting really well known and liked last spring/winter semester before covirus 19 decided to crash me. That said, being the cool guy of the nerd departments doesn't mean much for the greater university crowd with all its fuckboys/slutgirls and leftist megaphone people.
The trick for me to not have things feel pointless is to make lots of jokes (jestermaxx but just for friends) and to focus on schoolwork or job searching. That way it feels more productive than, say, gaming, or talking about stupid shit.

I also notice none of my guy friends and even none of my girl "friends" (?) talk about sex and relationships. At all. Being in the loser squad is heated man, but better than being a normie and obsexed.
I also hate how the progress isn't permanent. If gains were to never fade away it would be great, I'd work my ass off, but if you stop for a few months your body turns to shit again and all that effort is wasted.
This is why gymcelling is such a slog. Although I'm pretty sure I have borderline muscular non-growth or something.
 
I also notice none of my guy friends and even none of my girl "friends" (?) talk about sex and relationships. At all. Being in the loser squad is heated man, but better than being a normie and obsexed.
sounds like you have a based social circle
Tbh I'd rather do that than what awaits me a year from now ... wageslaving all day for pennies. God damn it haunts my dreams.

I got something for you that will make you feel better. It's the fact that you realize that human interaction is better. Because I don't. I seriously must've broken my brain from all the rotting, or when I was an alcoholic, but it's hard for me to comprehend to see the point in much of anything, even things like human relationships. Everything seems pointless and meaningless, and no matter how much I read or think about how I'm wrong, it just doesn't click in my brain and it all seems pointless.

So be glad that you understand. Make it your goal to change your life and actually build real relationships.
I seriously must've broken my brain from all the rotting, or when I was an alcoholic, but it's hard for me to comprehend to see the point in much of anything, even things like human relationships. Everything seems pointless and meaningless, and no matter how much I read or think about how I'm wrong, it just doesn't click in my brain and it all seems pointless.
I am the exact same,I know why they are important,but when the moment comes to build friendships it just hits me that its completely pointless
Most people just backstab each other and in most couples the male gets cucked and dumped after a period of time.
And yet they still start over with new friendships and partners,seems amazing to me why they would do it again
From an outsider perspective most of the population is insane.
 
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Family always said that ,but what else can we even do alone ? I traveled ,went to cinema and done all things alone ,it’s not fun or enjoyable ,walking alone in a nice place it just gets boring, except going to cinema I like that ,The truth is for us there is nothing to do ,nothing to enjoy except sitting in front of the computer coping till the word ends
Family always said that ,but what else can we even do alone ? I traveled ,went to cinema and done all things alone ,it’s not fun or enjoyable ,walking alone in a nice place it just gets boring, except going to cinema I like that ,The truth is for us there is nothing to do ,nothing to enjoy except sitting in front of the computer coping till the word ends
 
Thanks @Sportbro , they would be glad to hear that.
 

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