I mean, I'm 26, and I know my life is already ruined. Those who tell me the opposite, and who tell you the opposite, are just ignorant people who don't know anything about our situations and have never lived it or, at worst, hypocrites who want to clear their conscience.
Since high school, I was already made to understand that I was a beta, that I was ugly; I was already an outcast.
The only reason this society let me live is actually that it believes I can be a potential consumer; therefore I can live as a subhuman. In the wild, an alpha male would have already put my head on a stake or would have made me become a slave while he'd been fucking my cousins, my mother, and all the fertile females in the area.
So why wouldn't I take a flight, go away? It'd be the best thing to do.
What else could I do? Becoming a criminal? Life ain't like DC Comics would make you believe, I'm not the Joker, I'd just make an even bigger fool of myself. At least I'd like to leave with dignity.
In short, I'd like to get the fuck out of there, I'm useless, and it'd make me feel better forever. It's not my fault, it's not the alpha male's fault, it's nobody's fault. Life is like that, there are lions and there are fucking ducks. There are tigers, and there are rats. Everyone has his place, and mine would probably be in the inventory of some purveyor or slave merchant.
The fact is, I'm too aware of the reality. I know the vanity of life and desires, a bit like Schopenhauer, except that Schopenhauer didn't live in my time or in the society of desire, he didn't have his fat asses passing in front of him all day long on the internet, in the street, everywhere... I'm fucking surrounded by what I miss and still desire so much... Music, Cinema... Everywhere I go, whatever I don't, it's right there, in front of my nose. Friendship, joy, laughter,n sex... But I don't have access to all that.
How can somebody tell me my frustration wouldn't be legitimate?
It's fucking REAL, and everyone who live the same life as I do know that; and fuck, I understand you as much as I understand myself, that's why I enjoy posting here. Living more or less the same thing binds us together more than anything else in the life we've lived.
There's like one chance out of 50 000 000 that I win the lottery one day... What about becoming a millionaire with hard work? No, no, sweetie, with no friends, no network, no wealth from daddy and mommy even though they have money... How to say that, maybe my chances would be one out of a thousand?
But again, how is that MY fault? How can you tell 13 years old who was influenced by an education that wasn't adapted, who was ugly, and who was humiliated all day long for his ugliness and the fact that he couldn't make friends... to tell him that it's his fault that he cut himself off from the world?
Some would say to go ER, but what would be the point actually? Make all those who share my situation worse pariahs? To close down these forums? I don't need to take revenge or surrender to anger. I'm higher than that. I'd tell life that I'm leaving, and goodbye! No paradise, no hell, just eternal nothingness, like before I was born. Paradise, god, or any kind of faith or life, all that, it's guy like me who invented it to avoid accepting the sad reality of the injustice of life. And that's understandable, look at you, have you accepted what you've been through? Is your mind at peace? We all know the answer.
Humiliated, beaten up for some, and in the end, the guys who did that to you shows up years later and you see he has a better situation than you, he's loved, appreciated, cuddled... He is beautiful, therefore he was granted nice car, muscles... Otherwise his girlfriend would have never loved him. Never.
Who would accept that? We are perfectly sane, we aren't sick people like other people would like us to believe. We are just beings who live the injustice, we are prisoners of our bodies, our life... And it'll be forever. So why wouldn't I skip the step? Why would I listen to those stupid voices telling me my mother will be sad if I kill myself? She's more responsible than me for it, she owes it to me. She who brought me into the world to give meaning to her shitty life when I didn't ask for anything.
Man, I wish I had the guts.
Since high school, I was already made to understand that I was a beta, that I was ugly; I was already an outcast.
The only reason this society let me live is actually that it believes I can be a potential consumer; therefore I can live as a subhuman. In the wild, an alpha male would have already put my head on a stake or would have made me become a slave while he'd been fucking my cousins, my mother, and all the fertile females in the area.
So why wouldn't I take a flight, go away? It'd be the best thing to do.
What else could I do? Becoming a criminal? Life ain't like DC Comics would make you believe, I'm not the Joker, I'd just make an even bigger fool of myself. At least I'd like to leave with dignity.
In short, I'd like to get the fuck out of there, I'm useless, and it'd make me feel better forever. It's not my fault, it's not the alpha male's fault, it's nobody's fault. Life is like that, there are lions and there are fucking ducks. There are tigers, and there are rats. Everyone has his place, and mine would probably be in the inventory of some purveyor or slave merchant.
The fact is, I'm too aware of the reality. I know the vanity of life and desires, a bit like Schopenhauer, except that Schopenhauer didn't live in my time or in the society of desire, he didn't have his fat asses passing in front of him all day long on the internet, in the street, everywhere... I'm fucking surrounded by what I miss and still desire so much... Music, Cinema... Everywhere I go, whatever I don't, it's right there, in front of my nose. Friendship, joy, laughter,n sex... But I don't have access to all that.
How can somebody tell me my frustration wouldn't be legitimate?
It's fucking REAL, and everyone who live the same life as I do know that; and fuck, I understand you as much as I understand myself, that's why I enjoy posting here. Living more or less the same thing binds us together more than anything else in the life we've lived.
There's like one chance out of 50 000 000 that I win the lottery one day... What about becoming a millionaire with hard work? No, no, sweetie, with no friends, no network, no wealth from daddy and mommy even though they have money... How to say that, maybe my chances would be one out of a thousand?
But again, how is that MY fault? How can you tell 13 years old who was influenced by an education that wasn't adapted, who was ugly, and who was humiliated all day long for his ugliness and the fact that he couldn't make friends... to tell him that it's his fault that he cut himself off from the world?
Some would say to go ER, but what would be the point actually? Make all those who share my situation worse pariahs? To close down these forums? I don't need to take revenge or surrender to anger. I'm higher than that. I'd tell life that I'm leaving, and goodbye! No paradise, no hell, just eternal nothingness, like before I was born. Paradise, god, or any kind of faith or life, all that, it's guy like me who invented it to avoid accepting the sad reality of the injustice of life. And that's understandable, look at you, have you accepted what you've been through? Is your mind at peace? We all know the answer.
Humiliated, beaten up for some, and in the end, the guys who did that to you shows up years later and you see he has a better situation than you, he's loved, appreciated, cuddled... He is beautiful, therefore he was granted nice car, muscles... Otherwise his girlfriend would have never loved him. Never.
Who would accept that? We are perfectly sane, we aren't sick people like other people would like us to believe. We are just beings who live the injustice, we are prisoners of our bodies, our life... And it'll be forever. So why wouldn't I skip the step? Why would I listen to those stupid voices telling me my mother will be sad if I kill myself? She's more responsible than me for it, she owes it to me. She who brought me into the world to give meaning to her shitty life when I didn't ask for anything.
Man, I wish I had the guts.
