It's fucking terrifying. My childhood and adolescence were stolen for me just because I'm not pretty and not psychopathic enough.
You either grow up or you die, "living" is an euphemism for slowly dying. Your body stops developing at like 16 and your brain at like 25. You can live on kale (or superfood of the week) and pop psychedelics every day, it won't stop your body and brain from rotting and slowly falling apart. Literally no one finds mature people hot (except for fetishists but it's a mental disease), stop coping. Literally no one becomes smarter as an adult, you just accumulate more data. It's extraordinarily rare for someone to make a major profession change as an adult (I'm talking like an engineer becoming a doctor at 40, not becoming a cashier at a different store). Even the smartest people just find their niche as adolescents and accumulate and parse data. You won't see major shifts in habits, characters traits or preferences.
There's nothing I can await. I won't "bloom" someday, I won't discover a new talent, I won't make life-long friendships. All I can await is slaving away as I see my body and brain deteriorate every day until it won't be able to support itself and I'll end up in a coffin. It's like dying of cancer but without normies virtue signaling and it takes like 60 years instead of a few months.
I want to have slumber parties, pull silly (but not psychopathic) pranks, eat ice cream with my friends, go camping etc. But oops, I'm too ugly and empathetic and now even if somehow society changed overnight, it won't matter cos I'm also old. What can I do? Friendships? Lol, if you're psychopathic enough you can get "business partners" at best, but this kind of relationship is all about trying to exploit each other, so it's not even friendship. Romantic relationships? Lol, you're either a horse-dicked golem for fucking (and only fucking) or a slave who can maybe get a pity hug if he invests enough. What society expects from me? If you're psychopathic enough, become a celebrity (movie star, politician etc. ) and get cash for nothing, but if you're not, just become one of drone worker slaves and waste away in a factory of nightmares for pennies.
There's nothing, nothing worth awaiting. Whenever I daydream, I imagine myself being like 12 year old. Only people with awesome fulfilling childhoods can afford to daydream about being an adult. "Childish" hobbies are all the rage now, people want to cope that way even if you're going to get accused of being a neckbeard pedo Nazi or whatever. Look at r/books, everyone reads young adult (euphemism for teenagers) novels, no one cares about adult shit, everyone wants to have his coming of age arch, but it's too late now. Nothing but death and misery awaits me. I just wanted some friends but it seems that I'd have to destroy and rebuilt the whole world for that to happen.
You either grow up or you die, "living" is an euphemism for slowly dying. Your body stops developing at like 16 and your brain at like 25. You can live on kale (or superfood of the week) and pop psychedelics every day, it won't stop your body and brain from rotting and slowly falling apart. Literally no one finds mature people hot (except for fetishists but it's a mental disease), stop coping. Literally no one becomes smarter as an adult, you just accumulate more data. It's extraordinarily rare for someone to make a major profession change as an adult (I'm talking like an engineer becoming a doctor at 40, not becoming a cashier at a different store). Even the smartest people just find their niche as adolescents and accumulate and parse data. You won't see major shifts in habits, characters traits or preferences.
There's nothing I can await. I won't "bloom" someday, I won't discover a new talent, I won't make life-long friendships. All I can await is slaving away as I see my body and brain deteriorate every day until it won't be able to support itself and I'll end up in a coffin. It's like dying of cancer but without normies virtue signaling and it takes like 60 years instead of a few months.
I want to have slumber parties, pull silly (but not psychopathic) pranks, eat ice cream with my friends, go camping etc. But oops, I'm too ugly and empathetic and now even if somehow society changed overnight, it won't matter cos I'm also old. What can I do? Friendships? Lol, if you're psychopathic enough you can get "business partners" at best, but this kind of relationship is all about trying to exploit each other, so it's not even friendship. Romantic relationships? Lol, you're either a horse-dicked golem for fucking (and only fucking) or a slave who can maybe get a pity hug if he invests enough. What society expects from me? If you're psychopathic enough, become a celebrity (movie star, politician etc. ) and get cash for nothing, but if you're not, just become one of drone worker slaves and waste away in a factory of nightmares for pennies.
There's nothing, nothing worth awaiting. Whenever I daydream, I imagine myself being like 12 year old. Only people with awesome fulfilling childhoods can afford to daydream about being an adult. "Childish" hobbies are all the rage now, people want to cope that way even if you're going to get accused of being a neckbeard pedo Nazi or whatever. Look at r/books, everyone reads young adult (euphemism for teenagers) novels, no one cares about adult shit, everyone wants to have his coming of age arch, but it's too late now. Nothing but death and misery awaits me. I just wanted some friends but it seems that I'd have to destroy and rebuilt the whole world for that to happen.
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