That's why I was gone for a while, I had yet another panic attack episode only this time it didn't go exactly smooth, I got a strong ringing sound in my left ear after which I couldn't hear shit on that ear. Long story short, after going to all the doctors etc, I lost about 70% hearing permanently in my left ear. The reason is apparently that extreme episodes of stress cut blood supply to your inner ear structure, and nerves die off. The awkward feeling in my left ear (it feels like constant pressure now) prevents me from concentrating on complex tasks like coding (I do it for a living so it's kinda a big deal). Right now I am having the strongest urge to commit suicide that I ever had, and I still can't fucking do it, no balls. This life is such a fucking joke, I still can't comprehend how fucking stupid and pointless this shitshow called life is. Never in my wildest dreams would I expect to go deaf from stupid anxiety/stress/whatever, what the fuck
