Deleted member 8353
Former Hikikomori, Aimless Pleasure Seeker
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- Joined
- May 29, 2018
- Posts
- 9,343
The fact that I'm lacking the memory of experiences which the vast majority of others my age have had, well it really doesn't matter, or rather because of the very nature of the situation, it simply can't matter. Having already accepted that experience (that is to say life as a whole) can only ever be of negative or neutral character, my past fixation on having "missed out" on pleasure is not only contradicting my own conclusions, but if anything the opposite is true. As far as I can tell, it might very well be that I'm better off having zero experience with 3D girls. While it's evident that I can still crave what I've never had(I hate biology tbh), I can't actually miss it, as I have absolutely no memory of it, nothing by which to measure loss. Longing for an idea of something that I've never had is merely a "loss" which I've constructed for myself, and if I created it than I can also make it go away, at least for the most part.
I used to believe that if I had some experience of tangible intimacy in the past, some moments that I could perpetually live in, that I'd be happier. But thinking about it again now, I really don't suspect that's true. If anything it would just make me long for that notion of lost happiness, the belief of the horizon which I can see behind me, but the same lost horizon which I never actually possessed. The idea of only understanding happiness when it's gone comes from the fact that experiences can only ever seem entirely good in retrospect. Striving to attain future contentment, or to regain some illusory lost state of happiness is merely the process through which nature keeps us alive, as a content organism wouldn't survive very long(starvation, predation, failure to breed, etc).
It's become clear to me now that satisfying cravings does but strengthen them, and while I may not have the willpower to resist feeding addictions which I already have, at least I can make an effort to avoid exposing myself to entirely new ones, and take solace in the knowledge that my genes ensured that I'd never have to experience the feeling of lost intimacy, and thereby feel both a greater desire for sex and a (presumably) worse loneliness.
At this point I'm far more bothered by my memory of how people treated me in the past, as opposed to the knowledge that I'm incel.
I used to believe that if I had some experience of tangible intimacy in the past, some moments that I could perpetually live in, that I'd be happier. But thinking about it again now, I really don't suspect that's true. If anything it would just make me long for that notion of lost happiness, the belief of the horizon which I can see behind me, but the same lost horizon which I never actually possessed. The idea of only understanding happiness when it's gone comes from the fact that experiences can only ever seem entirely good in retrospect. Striving to attain future contentment, or to regain some illusory lost state of happiness is merely the process through which nature keeps us alive, as a content organism wouldn't survive very long(starvation, predation, failure to breed, etc).
It's become clear to me now that satisfying cravings does but strengthen them, and while I may not have the willpower to resist feeding addictions which I already have, at least I can make an effort to avoid exposing myself to entirely new ones, and take solace in the knowledge that my genes ensured that I'd never have to experience the feeling of lost intimacy, and thereby feel both a greater desire for sex and a (presumably) worse loneliness.
At this point I'm far more bothered by my memory of how people treated me in the past, as opposed to the knowledge that I'm incel.