Another day. I have been given the opportunity to work at a prison facility as a corrections officer. I'm curious whether or not this would be a good job for me while I attend college, it has nothing to do with my major ~ Computer Science. But, it does give me the opportunity to assert authority over others, something I think every human desires to some capacity. I could ruin the lives of prisoners I disliked, and have an outlet for my sadism. On the other end of the spectrum, I was offered a Pharmacy tech job, something I think would be easy for me, and less physically or mentally tasking. Simple.
The only benefit I see to the pharmacy position would be operating with doctors, which I generally get along with and like, and learning more about drugs. I've never been a drug user, except for stimulants given to me for severe ADHD, but I wouldn't mind knowing more about drugs and who takes what drugs in my city, I feel like this would be useful information one way or another.
The prison guard position would allow me to feel the sense of purpose I experienced during the military before I was pushed out for them discovering my mental health record, during my 4th month of basic.. It's fine, I got weapons training, and a security clearance, that's all I really needed value wise from that place anyways.
I started seeing a psychiatrist last week, I didn't mention negative thoughts at all. I don't want to be perceived a freak and drugged out of my mind. My Mom went a bit more in depth on her mental health issues, primarily how she was diagnosed with bipolar, manic depressive. Something I never knew, I guess I was fucked from the start.
Falling into my old ways before I left in august, back on incel forums, back to being isolated, back to wasting away all day. It'll be a month of living like this on the 18th, something I'm not proud of. Hopefully a job changes the dynamic, and when college semester starts up I'll make friends, or at least a bit more confident due to the drugs.
I regret doing an interview with this girl, saying she wanted to talk to "Incels", I fell into the trap of believing a girl actually was interested in me and was sucked out a lot of information about myself and my life, then blocked. It wasn't anything crazy, just primarily growing up with an abusive mother and never having any friends throughout all my life until recently. I was tempted to stalk her a bit, but I recognize that'd only make the situation worse, so all I can do is focus on myself and getting out of this rut.
I feel like writing this shit maybe once a day or a week will help, had an urge to do it in a incels.co post, not sure why.
T.
The only benefit I see to the pharmacy position would be operating with doctors, which I generally get along with and like, and learning more about drugs. I've never been a drug user, except for stimulants given to me for severe ADHD, but I wouldn't mind knowing more about drugs and who takes what drugs in my city, I feel like this would be useful information one way or another.
The prison guard position would allow me to feel the sense of purpose I experienced during the military before I was pushed out for them discovering my mental health record, during my 4th month of basic.. It's fine, I got weapons training, and a security clearance, that's all I really needed value wise from that place anyways.
I started seeing a psychiatrist last week, I didn't mention negative thoughts at all. I don't want to be perceived a freak and drugged out of my mind. My Mom went a bit more in depth on her mental health issues, primarily how she was diagnosed with bipolar, manic depressive. Something I never knew, I guess I was fucked from the start.
Falling into my old ways before I left in august, back on incel forums, back to being isolated, back to wasting away all day. It'll be a month of living like this on the 18th, something I'm not proud of. Hopefully a job changes the dynamic, and when college semester starts up I'll make friends, or at least a bit more confident due to the drugs.
I regret doing an interview with this girl, saying she wanted to talk to "Incels", I fell into the trap of believing a girl actually was interested in me and was sucked out a lot of information about myself and my life, then blocked. It wasn't anything crazy, just primarily growing up with an abusive mother and never having any friends throughout all my life until recently. I was tempted to stalk her a bit, but I recognize that'd only make the situation worse, so all I can do is focus on myself and getting out of this rut.
I feel like writing this shit maybe once a day or a week will help, had an urge to do it in a incels.co post, not sure why.
T.
