My brain finds everything boring and pointless, and I can't change that no matter how hard I try.

[Deleted member 7448]

I haven't enjoyed a video game in years, BUT, I have this very weird thing that I do. I literally search for a game for hours every day, and have for years. I browse various sites, just searching for a game.

I keep installing games and then uninstalling them minutes later cause I realize I don't like them. Well, I don't install that many new games, usually I install a game that I think I'll like this time and I uninstall it soon after. For some games I've done this HUNDREDS OF TIMES. Literally installing, uninstalling then reinstalling, sometimes the next day or even the same day.

Of course, I assumed I'd find something to scratch the itch eventually. One game to satisfy me. But I've tried literally hundreds of games, I've even given myself breaks from games, maybe I'll enjoy one after a break.

But I seem to not like them anymore.

Those reading this might be asking "yeah so you don't like games, what's the big deal?". Well, I spend literally up to 16 hours a day laying in bed with my laptop next to me. I've done this for so many years now, since I was a kid more or less. Not only do I not have any interests, I don't actually do anything on my PC for 16 hours a day. I just ... watch the same sitcoms I've watched 50 times before, I browse the same few sites randomly, sometimes closing a site and opening it 2 seconds later. These activities feel like they don't have "meat" In them, like I'm not doing anything, like I'm almost asleep or watching paint dry. But games ... well, at least they have a degree of interactivity. And yet for so many years not even games are at least somewhat tolerable or not boring. Not having games means ... I'd be doing literally nothing all day.

I won't be rotting forever. In ~8 months I'll have to get a job. But all that means is that for 9+ hours a day I'll be wageslaving, doing things I hate. And then I go back home to do the same thing I've been doing for so many years - laying in bed with my laptop. So my life will be even worse, just like now but having to be a slave for 9 hours. So not enjoying video games means my lifestyle will be: slaving away all day then coming home and not even doing anything enjoyable at home, just vegetating browsing some sites or watching the same old sitcoms.

I guess the problem boils down to me not liking anything at all. And this was even before my depression I think, even as a kid I had no interests, video games were what occupied my time. Now nothing does. So I keep searching for a video game that will capture my interest, to have something in life that I look forward to DOING, not just watching. But no, now I'm left in a world where I literally don't enjoy anything, everything seems pointless. And my brain that has been depressed for over a decade, including during my formative years, seems to be unable of changing. I'm stuck in this way of seeing the world as boring, every activity being reduced in my mind to its essence, which I see as boring. I can't put it into words why I find everything boring and pointless, but it's such a fundamental way in which my brain interprets the world that I've tried hard to change and I just can't.

 

[soymonkcel]

I haven't enjoyed a video game in years, BUT, I have this very weird thing that I do. I literally search for a game for hours every day, and have for years. I browse various sites, just searching for a game.

I keep installing games and then uninstalling them minutes later cause I realize I don't like them. Well, I don't install that many new games, usually I install a game that I think I'll like this time and I uninstall it soon after. For some games I've done this HUNDREDS OF TIMES. Literally installing, uninstalling then reinstalling, sometimes the next day or even the same day.

Of course, I assumed I'd find something to scratch the itch eventually. One game to satisfy me. But I've tried literally hundreds of games, I've even given myself breaks from games, maybe I'll enjoy one after a break.

But I seem to not like them anymore.

Those reading this might be asking "yeah so you don't like games, what's the big deal?". Well, I spend literally up to 16 hours a day laying in bed with my laptop next to me. I've done this for so many years now, since I was a kid more or less. Not only do I not have any interests, I don't actually do anything on my PC for 16 hours a day. I just ... watch the same sitcoms I've watched 50 times before, I browse the same few sites randomly, sometimes closing a site and opening it 2 seconds later. These activities feel like they don't have "meat" In them, like I'm not doing anything, like I'm almost asleep or watching paint dry. But games ... well, at least they have a degree of interactivity. And yet for so many years not even games are at least somewhat tolerable or not boring. Not having games means ... I'd be doing literally nothing all day.

I won't be rotting forever. In ~8 months I'll have to get a job. But all that means is that for 9+ hours a day I'll be wageslaving, doing things I hate. And then I go back home to do the same thing I've been doing for so many years - laying in bed with my laptop. So my life will be even worse, just like now but having to be a slave for 9 hours. So not enjoying video games means my lifestyle will be: slaving away all day then coming home and not even doing anything enjoyable at home, just vegetating browsing some sites or watching the same old sitcoms.

I guess the problem boils down to me not liking anything at all. And this was even before my depression I think, even as a kid I had no interests, video games were what occupied my time. Now nothing does. So I keep searching for a video game that will capture my interest, to have something in life that I look forward to DOING, not just watching. But no, now I'm left in a world where I literally don't enjoy anything, everything seems pointless. And my brain that has been depressed for over a decade, including during my formative years, seems to be unable of changing. I'm stuck in this way of seeing the world as boring, every activity being reduced in my mind to its essence, which I see as boring. I can't put it into words why I find everything boring and pointless, but it's such a fundamental way in which my brain interprets the world that I've tried hard to change and I just can't.

To all the gentlemen in your situation I recommend this post, if you haven't read it already. Don't mind the spiritual mumbo jumbo; it's just lore.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

low t, depression and lack of sleep is probs y

 

[Sportbro]

low t, depression and lack of sleep is probs y

how do you fix it

I think its inceldom thats making him deppresed
Maslow pyramid effect,if you arent satisfying basic needs you see no points in anything thats goi,ng to advance you in any way

 

[RREEEEEEEEE]

I don't like videogames.

 

[Deleted member 28903]

I won't be rotting forever. In ~8 months I'll have to get a job. But all that means is that for 9+ hours a day I'll be wageslaving, doing things I hate.

That will fix your problem probably. You just sound lazy tbh. Of course you get bored sitting at a PC when you do it 16 hours a day.

 

[micropenis29]

For some games I've done this HUNDREDS OF TIMES. Literally installing, uninstalling then reinstalling, sometimes the next day or even the same day.

I dont understand

You think the game will be fun again even though you know it's not fun?

 

[Hate_my_life]

depression

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I dont understand

You think the game will be fun again even though you know it's not fun?

No, not really. It's hard to explain. See, I'm searching for games for literally hours every day. I have this ... void. This craving to find ONE activity that interests me, that I truly find if not fun but at least interesting enough to do for hours and hours.

So there's a few games that seemed to have potential. And I know that out of all the games I've tried, the hundreds of games I've actually tried and the thousands I've considered but discarded, I know that these SHOULD satisfy me. But they don't. So I feel this... spark, this feeling that this time I'll stick with this game for good. Only to install it and lose that spark as soon as I start playing, so I uninstall the game very quick after that.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

how do you fix it

I think its inceldom thats making him deppresed
Maslow pyramid effect,if you arent satisfying basic needs you see no points in anything thats goi,ng to advance you in any way

ye ik. missing out on sex and never having the choice of being able to have a family and never being hugged or kissed and having someone love you is detrimental to your brain.

the only way to resolve it is to just try to try your best in all the other aspects in life if you're able to.

at the base level everyone should be exercising and eating/drinking healthy. it doesnt have to be gym it can literally be pushups and situps in ur bedroom or stretches as long as you're pushing yourself. obviously go to gym if u can. with food make sure u avoid cancerous and estrogen filled foods and get a burke water filter or charcoal water filter so that u dont b drinking birth control pills on the daily. (the molecules from birth control pills are hard to be broken down and we are all drinkin testosterone blockers) and dont drink from plastic bottles. avoid plastic anything at all costs. dont eat processed food n all dat its fucking terrible for you. dont drink cows milk drink almond milk or oat milk etc

from there persue whatever it is ur tryna persue. it all starts with physical health. and mental health aswell but what can we do to fix our mental health? hang out with friends? dont have any. hang out with gf? dont have any. leave your house without being treated poorly by everyone based of ur looks? impossible.

theres a good yt vid talkin about all dat tap water stuff but i cba to find it and link it.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

That will fix your problem probably. You just sound lazy tbh. Of course you get bored sitting at a PC when you do it 16 hours a day.

So 8 hours + commute of actively hating my life, of doing boring things I hate, of being drained of my energy, all that will make the time I spend at the PC after those 8 hours of suffering more enjoyable? I'll be doing the same shit on the PC I do now, wageslaving won't make it better.

 

[micropenis29]

No, not really. It's hard to explain. See, I'm searching for games for literally hours every day. I have this ... void. This craving to find ONE activity that interests me, that I truly find if not fun but at least interesting enough to do for hours and hours.

So there's a few games that seemed to have potential. And I know that out of all the games I've tried, the hundreds of games I've actually tried and the thousands I've considered but discarded, I know that these SHOULD satisfy me. But they don't. So I feel this... spark, this feeling that this time I'll stick with this game for good. Only to install it and lose that spark as soon as I start playing, so I uninstall the game very quick after that.

interesting

have you considered the possibility that you've exhausted gaming as a cope?

 

[Incline]

I haven't enjoyed a video game in years, BUT, I have this very weird thing that I do. I literally search for a game for hours every day, and have for years. I browse various sites, just searching for a game.

I keep installing games and then uninstalling them minutes later cause I realize I don't like them. Well, I don't install that many new games, usually I install a game that I think I'll like this time and I uninstall it soon after. For some games I've done this HUNDREDS OF TIMES. Literally installing, uninstalling then reinstalling, sometimes the next day or even the same day.

Of course, I assumed I'd find something to scratch the itch eventually. One game to satisfy me. But I've tried literally hundreds of games, I've even given myself breaks from games, maybe I'll enjoy one after a break.

But I seem to not like them anymore.

Those reading this might be asking "yeah so you don't like games, what's the big deal?". Well, I spend literally up to 16 hours a day laying in bed with my laptop next to me. I've done this for so many years now, since I was a kid more or less. Not only do I not have any interests, I don't actually do anything on my PC for 16 hours a day. I just ... watch the same sitcoms I've watched 50 times before, I browse the same few sites randomly, sometimes closing a site and opening it 2 seconds later. These activities feel like they don't have "meat" In them, like I'm not doing anything, like I'm almost asleep or watching paint dry. But games ... well, at least they have a degree of interactivity. And yet for so many years not even games are at least somewhat tolerable or not boring. Not having games means ... I'd be doing literally nothing all day.

I won't be rotting forever. In ~8 months I'll have to get a job. But all that means is that for 9+ hours a day I'll be wageslaving, doing things I hate. And then I go back home to do the same thing I've been doing for so many years - laying in bed with my laptop. So my life will be even worse, just like now but having to be a slave for 9 hours. So not enjoying video games means my lifestyle will be: slaving away all day then coming home and not even doing anything enjoyable at home, just vegetating browsing some sites or watching the same old sitcoms.

I guess the problem boils down to me not liking anything at all. And this was even before my depression I think, even as a kid I had no interests, video games were what occupied my time. Now nothing does. So I keep searching for a video game that will capture my interest, to have something in life that I look forward to DOING, not just watching. But no, now I'm left in a world where I literally don't enjoy anything, everything seems pointless. And my brain that has been depressed for over a decade, including during my formative years, seems to be unable of changing. I'm stuck in this way of seeing the world as boring, every activity being reduced in my mind to its essence, which I see as boring. I can't put it into words why I find everything boring and pointless, but it's such a fundamental way in which my brain interprets the world that I've tried hard to change and I just can't.

Can relate.

As always.

 

[Deleted member 28688]

I haven't enjoyed a video game in years, BUT, I have this very weird thing that I do. I literally search for a game for hours every day, and have for years. I browse various sites, just searching for a game.

I keep installing games and then uninstalling them minutes later cause I realize I don't like them. Well, I don't install that many new games, usually I install a game that I think I'll like this time and I uninstall it soon after. For some games I've done this HUNDREDS OF TIMES. Literally installing, uninstalling then reinstalling, sometimes the next day or even the same day.

Of course, I assumed I'd find something to scratch the itch eventually. One game to satisfy me. But I've tried literally hundreds of games, I've even given myself breaks from games, maybe I'll enjoy one after a break.

But I seem to not like them anymore.

Those reading this might be asking "yeah so you don't like games, what's the big deal?". Well, I spend literally up to 16 hours a day laying in bed with my laptop next to me. I've done this for so many years now, since I was a kid more or less. Not only do I not have any interests, I don't actually do anything on my PC for 16 hours a day. I just ... watch the same sitcoms I've watched 50 times before, I browse the same few sites randomly, sometimes closing a site and opening it 2 seconds later. These activities feel like they don't have "meat" In them, like I'm not doing anything, like I'm almost asleep or watching paint dry. But games ... well, at least they have a degree of interactivity. And yet for so many years not even games are at least somewhat tolerable or not boring. Not having games means ... I'd be doing literally nothing all day.

I won't be rotting forever. In ~8 months I'll have to get a job. But all that means is that for 9+ hours a day I'll be wageslaving, doing things I hate. And then I go back home to do the same thing I've been doing for so many years - laying in bed with my laptop. So my life will be even worse, just like now but having to be a slave for 9 hours. So not enjoying video games means my lifestyle will be: slaving away all day then coming home and not even doing anything enjoyable at home, just vegetating browsing some sites or watching the same old sitcoms.

I guess the problem boils down to me not liking anything at all. And this was even before my depression I think, even as a kid I had no interests, video games were what occupied my time. Now nothing does. So I keep searching for a video game that will capture my interest, to have something in life that I look forward to DOING, not just watching. But no, now I'm left in a world where I literally don't enjoy anything, everything seems pointless. And my brain that has been depressed for over a decade, including during my formative years, seems to be unable of changing. I'm stuck in this way of seeing the world as boring, every activity being reduced in my mind to its essence, which I see as boring. I can't put it into words why I find everything boring and pointless, but it's such a fundamental way in which my brain interprets the world that I've tried hard to change and I just can't.

One word: Dopamine

 

[Deleted member 7448]

interesting

have you considered the possibility that you've exhausted gaming as a cope?

Yes, I've considered it so many times. And I think I indeed have. But as I said in the OP, everything is boring and pointless. There's just no other activity that I could replace gaming with. Nothing that I can do to find enjoyable or interesting even a little bit, or maybe even fulfilling. There's nothing, not one thing.

I've spent so much effort trying to find something to replace gaming with. LITERALLY browsing a list of "hobbies" on wikipedia. I went down lists of hundreds of activities/hobbies/interests/skills etc... nothing interested me.

 

[Deleted member 28903]

So 8 hours + commute of actively hating my life, of doing boring things I hate, of being drained of my energy, all that will make the time I spend at the PC after those 8 hours of suffering more enjoyable?

Yeah

 

[Sportbro]

ye ik. missing out on sex and never having the choice of being able to have a family and never being hugged or kissed and having someone love you is detrimental to your brain.

the only way to resolve it is to just try to try your best in all the other aspects in life if you're able to.

at the base level everyone should be exercising and eating/drinking healthy. it doesnt have to be gym it can literally be pushups and situps in ur bedroom or stretches as long as you're pushing yourself. obviously go to gym if u can. with food make sure u avoid cancerous and estrogen filled foods and get a burke water filter or charcoal water filter so that u dont b drinking birth control pills on the daily. (the molecules from birth control pills are hard to be broken down and we are all drinkin testosterone blockers) and dont drink from plastic bottles. avoid plastic anything at all costs. dont eat processed food n all dat its fucking terrible for you. dont drink cows milk drink almond milk or oat milk etc

from there persue whatever it is ur tryna persue. it all starts with physical health. and mental health aswell but what can we do to fix our mental health? hang out with friends? dont have any. hang out with gf? dont have any. leave your house without being treated poorly by everyone based of ur looks? impossible.

theres a good yt vid talkin about all dat tap water stuff but i cba to find it and link it.

yeah i know about the hormonal water and the chemicals they treat the plastic,most balkan countries have good water supplies
How do you actually find the energy to exercise if your personal life is lacking.Socialization,friends,intimacy is the nuts and bolts of your life.How are you going to build a house without key tools?
I have tried going to the gym multiple times and just gave up every time.Because I dont see the point.What I am trying to achive?
Despite knowing that its good for me my brain just says no.Why should I do this if I cant envision a future where I am happy and my needs are fully satisfied.Why cant I see it?
Because countless times I have been told and seen that I am not worthy as a social being.Because my envirioment and multiple social groups delegated me to a mute-clown-eunuch.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

yeah i know about the hormonal water and the chemicals they treat the plastic,most balkan countries have good water supplies
How do you actually find the energy to exercise if your personal life is lacking.Socialization,friends,intimacy is the nuts and bolts of your life.How are you going to build a house without key tools?
I have tried going to the gym multiple times and just gave up every time.Because I dont see the point.What I am trying to achive?
Despite knowing that its good for me my brain just says no.Why should I do this if I cant envision a future where I am happy and my needs are fully satisfied.Why cant I see it?
Because countless times I have been told and seen that I am not worthy as a social being.Because my envirioment and multiple social groups delegated me to a mute-clown-eunuch.

Huh, mute-clown-eunuch, that's a perfect way to put it. I used to be a mute as a kid, a clown as a teen then an even bigger mute after I became depressed. So many years as a mute. Always an eunuch though.

 

[micropenis29]

Yes, I've considered it so many times. And I think I indeed have. But as I said in the OP, everything is boring and pointless. There's just no other activity that I could replace gaming with. Nothing that I can do to find enjoyable or interesting even a little bit, or maybe even fulfilling. There's nothing, not one thing.

what would constitute something that's "enjoyable, interesting or fulfilling" in your mind?

I've spent so much effort trying to find something to replace gaming with. LITERALLY browsing a list of "hobbies" on wikipedia. I went down lists of hundreds of activities/hobbies/interests/skills etc... nothing interested me.

what were you hoping to find

maybe you're initially interested in something but then you rationalize it away

 

[RollD20]

Sounds like me when I a depression spur. It happens once a week but now I am getting it frequent. It feels like everything is pointless.

This is also the time when I splurge buy something and then regret it later.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

what would constitute something that's "enjoyable, interesting or fulfilling" in your mind?



what were you hoping to find

maybe you're initially interested in something but then you rationalize it away

That's exactly the problem, nothing is interesting. I've found nothing. Idk, maybe there's an IQ problem at play here. I don't want to say I'm dumb, cause I don't really feel dumb when I compare myself to the masses of retarded normies, but at this point I can't find an explanation besides stupidity. Why else would I be unable to find one single activity that is interesting, when looking at everything this world is supposed to have to offer?

 

[micropenis29]

That's exactly the problem, nothing is interesting. I've found nothing. Idk, maybe there's an IQ problem at play here. I don't want to say I'm dumb, cause I don't really feel dumb when I compare myself to the masses of retarded normies, but at this point I can't find an explanation besides stupidity. Why else would I be unable to find one single activity that is interesting, when looking at everything this world is supposed to have to offer?

youre clearly a very smart guy, well-above average iq, maybe even a couple standard deviations above

but maybe it's causing you to over-analyze? instead of just having some fun and seeing where that leads?

 

[Sportbro]

That's exactly the problem, nothing is interesting. I've found nothing. Idk, maybe there's an IQ problem at play here. I don't want to say I'm dumb, cause I don't really feel dumb when I compare myself to the masses of retarded normies, but at this point I can't find an explanation besides stupidity. Why else would I be unable to find one single activity that is interesting, when looking at everything this world is supposed to have to offer?

You are not dumb
Life is socio-sexual relationships for most,thats why you see "normies" ie most of the population being obsessed with them,most media is about that,its what most of the population is interested about,hobbies are an extra,an unneeded one for the average and below IQ wise,they can live off the drama and entartainment that comes with succesful socio-sexual relationships.

 

[muharremabi]

I read it and i can relate every word of it. You just described my life. Our lives are same except me being low IQ.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

I read it and i can relate every word of it. You just described my life. Our lives are same except me being low IQ.

Dunno become a drug dealer or find a bettER solution (hypothetically, in Minecraft)

 

[muharremabi]

Dunno become a drug dealer or find a bettER solution (hypothetically, in Minecraft)

Gotta become high IQ before going ER. Thats my goal

 

[Deleted member 7448]

youre clearly a very smart guy, well-above average iq, maybe even a couple standard deviations above

but maybe it's causing you to over-analyze? instead of just having some fun and seeing where that leads?

Wasn't fishing for compliments but thanks. Yeah you may have a point, I seem to be thinking about things too much, and those thoughts may very well be false and even dangerous. Will try to keep that in mind, thanks!

Actually, on the topic of IQ, I was always scared of finding out my IQ, scared of facing the possibility that I may be stupid. Cause I was always weak and unathletic, didn't have social skills or charisma, so intelligence appeared to be my only chance at not being well below average at everything.

I had so many chances to test my IQ and yet I always avoided it. In school we took an IQ test once, I sabotaged it I think. Either that or I was too ADD to focus, I don't remember. I remember not writing things and joking a lot, even copying other people's answers. Yeah I might've sabotaged it iirc.

In uni we all had an assignment to apply various tests on ourselves, including an IQ test. And instead of doing that, I took photos of a girl's homework and I copied everything, just changing a few things.

Of course nowadays my working memory has gone to shit, so even if I took an IQ test it would probably be a bad result. My brain really did take a beating from the depression of more than a decade and the 2 years of alcoholism.

You are not dumb
Life is socio-sexual relationships for most,thats why you see "normies" ie most of the population being obsessed with them,most media is about that,its what most of the population is interested about,hobbies are an extra,an unneeded one for the average and below IQ wise,they can live off the drama and entartainment that comes with succesful socio-sexual relationships.

You have a point. But my tendency to avoid and neglect all of these social needs has started so long ago, that I forgot how important they were. Even as a kid I was an outcast (because of my autism or whatever's wrong with me), so I guess I always forced myself to see that area of life as unimportant, when in fact it's the most important.

 

[The Zulfigar]

You gigamog me if you can play games somewhere. I have those moments when I forget about inceldom for a while. Finding cope is not easy. Good luck

 

[Deleted member 22572]

You gigamog me if you can play games somewhere. I have those moments when I forget about inceldom for a while. Finding cope is not easy. Good luck

Thanks

 

[Deleted member 7448]

over-analyze? instead of just having some fun and seeing where that leads?

You know, that actually is a good idea. I will try to ... lobotomize myself so to speak, metaphorically of course. Instead of overthinking and immediately breaking things down to their essence and seeing how they're pointless, I'll try to just go with the flow and not think. I did try it once but maybe not enough. I'll try it out on a game, I'll try to block that train of thought as soon as I recognize it.

 

[iKillCucks]

Same i don't even exist im numb I feeling nothing

 

[FlamingCel]

I relate man