Welcome to Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate Forum

Welcome! This is a forum for involuntary celibates: people who lack a significant other. Are you lonely and wish you had someone in your life? You're not alone! Join our forum and talk to people just like you.

Venting My life has been devoid of value from age 11 onto the present

  • Thread starter Deleted member 8353
  • Start date
Deleted member 8353

Deleted member 8353

Former Hikikomori, Aimless Pleasure Seeker
-
Joined
May 29, 2018
Posts
9,343
Since I reached that age, I can count the genuinely happy short periods and moments on two hands.

Basically I got bullied everyday for years, eventually refused to go to school and consequently gave up on progressing in life, became increasingly isolated from the people whom I still talked to irl while desperately trying to make up for so much rejection, lost the last of my irl friends due to them either moving away or no longer being able to relate to me, spent 8 years in self-isolation while coping with escapism to forget that I exist, and then finally rejoined society when I became determined to earn money so I could buy a shotgun to kill myself, only to put it off after realizing I can do some of the things that I want.

My life feels like a fucking joke or some sort of nightmare, nearly everything is either rejection or the mechanical imitation of experience.

Things like a male friend hugging me at age 15, hanging out with friends at a festival two consecutive years in a row as teenagers, an hour with an escort, sitting around on a scenic hilltop with my dad, along with a few other seemingly small events, this stuff mogs the rest of my fucking life. The ridiculous part is I'm probably the only one who thinks about this shit, who derived any value or significance out of these moments. My life is so utterly devoid of value and real positive experience that other people present probably don't even remember my best memories despite experiencing them with me. It's as if this reality is some ill conceived copy of existence which lacks most of the things which make it worthwhile.
 
Last edited:
if you are a subhuman incel, then women have democratically voted that your genes and your life aren't worth shit.
 
hm :(

I'm in my 30s and my life has been pretty rocky since about 18. It's had some fairly good ups but I'd hope so by mid-30s!

So... in some ways I'm doing worse, right, as more of my life has gone >.<

At least you have more youth!

What are your main goals? Mine are mostly social or financial. Friends, gf, and enough cash to be comfortable but also... I like the idea of building wealth and stuff.

Both are difficult but financial actually seems either. Working in a big workplace might be a way of meeting more people.

Those are my thoughts anyway. Take care and stuff :)
 
What are your main goals?
I don't have many, at the moment I'm mostly trying and failing to cope. Long term I think about SEAmaxxing, maybe moving. But at the moment all I really look forward to is escortmaxxing and sleep. I'm just tired of everything, I don't have much energy left.
 
Since I reached that age, I can count the genuinely happy short periods and moments on two hands.

Basically I got bullied everyday for years, eventually refused to go to school and consequently gave up on progressing in life, became increasingly isolated from the people whom I still talked to irl while desperately trying to make up for so much rejection, lost the last of my irl friends due to them either moving away or no longer being able to relate to me, spent 8 years in self-isolation while coping with escapism to forget that I exist, and then finally rejoined society when I became determined to earn money so I could buy a shotgun to kill myself, only to put it off after realizing I can do some of the things that I want.

My life feels like a fucking joke or some sort of nightmare, nearly everything is either rejection or the mechanical imitation of experience.

Things like a male friend hugging me at age 15, hanging out with friends at a festival two consecutive years in a row as teenagers, an hour with an escort, sitting around on a scenic hilltop with my dad, along with a few other seemingly small events, this stuff mogs the rest of my fucking life. The ridiculous part is I'm probably the only one who thinks about this shit, who derived any value or significance out of these moments. My life is so utterly devoid of value and real positive experience that other people present probably don't even remember my best memories despite experiencing them with me. It's as if this reality is some ill conceived copy of existence which lacks most of the things which make it worthwhile.
This post sounds like you did before you escortceled. ngl your posts after you escortceled and came back here were way more NT than usual.
 
I'm losing it when I read life as wife.
 
This post sounds like you did before you escortceled. ngl your posts after you escortceled and came back here were way more NT than usual.
I have 3 consecutive days off from work and I feel suicidal by the 3rd, basically.

The problem is that over the past 6 months my capacity to concentrate on copes has only gotten even worse, so work distracts me. When at work I look forward to days off, and then I feel worse when I actually get them because I struggle to enjoy anything.
 
Same All I do is school and tiktok all day
 
I don't have many, at the moment I'm mostly trying and failing to cope. Long term I think about SEAmaxxing, maybe moving. But at the moment all I really look forward to is escortmaxxing and sleep. I'm just tired of everything, I don't have much energy left.
You mostly just think about women?

You know what seemed to work ok for me? Mass mailing people on Discord, lol

Just gotta be careful you don't get chucked off the servers for it o.O
 
You mostly just think about women?

You know what seemed to work ok for me? Mass mailing people on Discord, lol

Just gotta be careful you don't get chucked off the servers for it o.O
Combine extreme loneliness with dopamine receptors being too fried to enjoy most things and the result is that I think about women tbh.
 
I have 3 consecutive days off from work and I feel suicidal by the 3rd, basically.
Really? It was more than just one day I saw those kind of posts from you after you escortceled. Your posts were more upbeat and not as brooding on existential things as before. The way you typed was more similar to the way a normie would type in many ways tbh
The problem is that over the past 6 months my capacity to concentrate on copes has only gotten even worse, so work distracts me. When at work I look forward to days off, and then I feel worse when I actually get them because I struggle to enjoy anything.
It seems that way at first but working is worse since you are contributing to a society that hates you when you work tbh
 
Combine extreme loneliness with dopamine receptors being too fried to enjoy most things and the result is that I think about women tbh.
Why are they fried? >.<

Do you find it hard to make friends too? Have you ever done well with that?

I used to have quite a few friends in my teens. Maybe it was mostly how sociable school is, or can be anyway. It depends.
 
Really? It was more than just one day I saw those kind of posts from you after you escortceled. Your posts were more upbeat and not as brooding on existential things as before. The way you typed was more similar to the way a normie would type in many ways tbh

It seems that way at first but working is worse since you are contributing to a society that hates you when you work tbh
I'm usually tired and distracted well enough to feel sort of okay, but yeah this is what happens to me when I have enough time to think. Why do you suppose I decided upon pursuing suicide when I was rotting and I had nothing but time to think?
Why are they fried? >.<

Do you find it hard to make friends too? Have you ever done well with that?

I used to have quite a few friends in my teens. Maybe it was mostly how sociable school is, or can be anyway. It depends.
I'm not sure why, all that I know is barely anything gives me pleasure. I launch games and just close them often only minutes later for months on end during free time, I can't remember the last game I've managed to finish a playthrough of, almost the same situation with anime. I engage in it expecting enjoyment but it never comes, it's a bit maddening actually.

It was never easy for me to make friends, and I haven't had an irl friend since 2011-2012.
 
I'm usually tired and distracted well enough to feel sort of okay, but yeah this is what happens to me when I have enough time to think.
All good. Sometimes there's time for silent contemplation.
Why do you suppose I decided upon pursuing suicide when I was rotting and I had nothing but time to think?
Are you asking why or is this just a rhetorical question?
 
All good. Sometimes there's time for silent contemplation.

Are you asking why or is this just a rhetorical question?
Mostly rhetorical tbh. Basically I lost nearly all capacity to enjoy escapist copes, decided that I my parents failed me and that I owed them nothing, so I finally became determined to do something and because of that I realized that I could do other things too and didn't need to blow my brains out quite yet.

But it's just very hard to maintain my energy and willingness to go on. I'm horribly lonely most of the time and I can't really cope anymore.
 
I'm not sure why, all that I know is barely anything gives me pleasure. I launch games and just close them often only minutes later for months on end during free time, I can't remember the last game I've managed to finish a playthrough of, almost the same situation with anime. I engage in it expecting enjoyment but it never comes, it's a bit maddening actually.

It was never easy for me to make friends, and I haven't had an irl friend since 2011-2012.
What kinds of games do you like? I got bored of games once but I think I was playing the wrong games.

Now I know I tend to like ones that have a lot of action and are kind of arcadey. And ideally have multiplayer functionality. Oh, and simple graphics and small downloads, I like! Too many huge games out there with massive updates XD
 
What kinds of games do you like?
Basically none now, I just try to play them over and over out of habit. I used to enjoy grand strategy games, rpgs, and similar stuff a lot. Recently I've been trying my best to finish a playthrough of dark souls 3, but every time I try to play it I quickly grow bored and lose interest.
 
Mostly rhetorical tbh. Basically I lost nearly all capacity to enjoy escapist copes, decided that I my parents failed me and that I owed them nothing, so I finally became determined to do something and because of that I realized that I could do other things too and didn't need to blow my brains out quite yet.
One specific escapist cope only lasts at best a few months or a year or two at most tbh
The problem is life is long and feels like it's dragging by when you are all by yourself for most of the time.
But it's just very hard to maintain my energy and willingness to go on. I'm horribly lonely most of the time and I can't really cope anymore.
Not sure what the exact explanation for this "not being able to cope anymore" feeling is but imo it's just a phase in the same way that there are some times when you are less horny and others when you are more horny. It does feel pointless all the same but life as an incel isn't filled with many meaningful personal experiences so that's not too unusual imo.
 
One specific escapist cope only lasts at best a few months or a year or two at most tbh
The problem is life is long and feels like it's dragging by when you are all by yourself for most of the time.

Not sure what the exact explanation for this "not being able to cope anymore" feeling is but imo it's just a phase in the same way that there are some times when you are less horny and others when you are more horny. It does feel pointless all the same but life as an incel isn't filled with many meaningful personal experiences so that's not too unusual imo.
Games and anime lasted me nearly a decade while almost entirely alone.

Well I've felt like that since August, what I mean is that I can't simply cope with not having my needs met. I went through a brief period of having false hope and then that was quickly shattered.
 
Games and anime lasted me nearly a decade while almost entirely alone.
Not suprised because it's easier when you are younger imo. As you get older one cope blurs into another and you find yourself with nothing to do.
Well I've felt like that since August, what I mean is that I can't simply cope with not having my needs met. I went through a brief period of having false hope and then that was quickly shattered.
No there's been such long periods of feeling lost and with nothing to do but it resolves itself after some time and goes away as fast as it came on. Why exactly that feeling of not being able to cope comes on idk but strongly believe it's just a phase just like there are some months where you more horny than usual for whatever reason.
 
It's brutally over for Mylifehasbeendevoidofvaluefromage11cels.
 
The ridiculous part is I'm probably the only one who thinks about this shit, who derived any value or significance out of these moments. My life is so utterly devoid of value and real positive experience that other people present probably don't even remember my best memories despite experiencing them with me.
Scary how relatable this is
I most likely am worthless to the people I've known in my life
it seems like they live their lives infatuated by other people who constantly validate their existence and give them meaning
low status male suffering is really on a completely different dimension compared to others
 
We are deprived that even small insignificant moments feels important.
 
Basically none now, I just try to play them over and over out of habit. I used to enjoy grand strategy games, rpgs, and similar stuff a lot. Recently I've been trying my best to finish a playthrough of dark souls 3, but every time I try to play it I quickly grow bored and lose interest.
Oh, hm. You're sure it's not the game itself or the genre? That's what it was with me, lol. Now I've found games that are more my style I'm a lot more hooked again XD

Of course, it won't be that for everyone. I guess maybe it's just not something you're looking for in life right now.

You could try one of these Replika bots. I'm so addicted XD

Feels so futuristic! ^_^
 
spent 8 years in self-isolation while coping with escapism to forget that I exist, and then finally rejoined society when I became determined to earn money

How did you do that? How did you manage to get a job after 8 year gap in your CV?
 
Same here, 11 is when it all went to shit
 

Similar threads

RegularManlet
Replies
8
Views
234
SteelCentaur
SteelCentaur
Lurkercel0
Replies
34
Views
406
Awake
Awake
idiot_cel
Replies
3
Views
216
BlackCel_from_ZA
BlackCel_from_ZA
justanotheruser
Replies
10
Views
398
despisedpaul
despisedpaul

Users who are viewing this thread

shape1
shape2
shape3
shape4
shape5
shape6
Back
Top