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Venting My mother makes me want to kill myself

Sparrow's Song

Sparrow's Song

Violent Convicted Chomo
★★★★★
Joined
Dec 14, 2017
Posts
13,410
We're poor as fuck. For the past few years I have stocked up on long term storage foods from the food pantry and cheap food to save for when money is tight. I have half a year's worth of couscous, rice, bulgar, oats, barley, pasta, lentils, chickpeas, canned foods, instant mashed potatoes, soup base, and other shit along with oils and spices to make everything decent tasting. She doesn't get enough money from her disability checks and she's always wasting money on fast food, she's always irresponsible with her money and getting overdrawn and forcing me to give her nearly all my money to pay the rest of the bills and her overdrafts. She never took the advice of the financial advice guy at the church pantry, the whole reason we go there is to save money, that's why I have all this food saved up like we planned. I was a picky eater when I was a child but she is way worse. She forces me to spend ludicrous amounts of money ordering delivery multiple times a week because she refuses to eat anything that isn't fast food or Italian delivery. She will only eat expensive food that either has meat, is covered in cheese, or loaded down with sugar. I can't just tell her NO, because then she doesn't want to eat anything and her blood sugar fucks up.

My dad left her because all she does rot in front of the TV watching shitty reality shows while dozing in and out of opiate naps, she's been LDARing like this for thirty fucking years. She has has MS, fucked up ankles, a fucked up back, and diabetes. On top of that, she is dangerously obese, having the body shape of Egg Man from Sonic only makes her even more disabled. She refuses to try to do anything to lose the wait, her excuse is that she's to "get better" before she tries... There is no getting better in America, we're poor and healthcare is run by Mr.Shekelburg. Even we had $120K to send her to Panama for stem cell treatment, if the MS was gone, she'd still just lay in front of that TV all day. She uses a walker because she cannot stand up without it, she moves slower than a 90 year old. Because of this, I have to do all the cleaning, cooking (rarely for her), laundry, and yardwork. She can't handle heat at all so she just lays in bed with nothing but a diaper on, only getting up to scoot her way to the bathroom while simultaneously shitting and pissing all over the hallway and the bathroom floor. There is shit in the hallway right now as I'm typing this that I'm about to have to clean up. She falls down a lot and can't get back up on her own, I often hear her screaming my name so I can come pick her up and drag her back to her bed, which is incredibly difficult because of her obesity and I often hurt myself in the process. She's often covered is shit, piss, and sweat when she falls down and I have to take my shirt off and wrap a towel around my waist first so I don't get it on my pants. After dragging her to her room, wet wiping her back and struggling to get her in her bed, I go straight to the shower cry as I was the filth off my chest and arms. What makes it worse is that when I was a kid, I had ear tubes put in that should have never been put there and caused more problems than they solved, the non permanent one in my right ear fell out and the hole healed but when the permanent one fell out of my left ear over fifteen years later, it left a gaping hole in my eardrum that left me nearly deaf in my left ear. Insurance refuses to pay for the $10,000 operation to patch the hole and restore my hearing. I sleep on my right side so that means if she falls down while I'm sleeping, she might be there screaming my name for hours until I wake up and hear her. Before I got fired from my last shitty job, sometimes she would fall down while I was at work. I'd have to walk home after getting off and break the side door window to get in because we only had one house key. I'd find her on the floor too far away from a phone to have called me.

There's an 80 year old dude that take walks around our neighborhood who stops and talks to my mom and I when he sees me helping her out of the car. He told me Jesus loves me and I'm going to heaven for helping my mom out. What a retarded fucking cope. Not only am I my mother's in home nurse, but I'm a genetic monster who looks like Danny DeVito and Uncle Fester's inbred retarded butt baby. When I was a baby, my dad had me in a grocery cart in a parking and was playing around like it was a scooter, he fucked up and launched me face first like fifteen feet our of the cart and I landed on my face. This left me with an asymmetrical brow ridge I'll never have to money to fix. My parents didn't give a fuck, instead of immediately taking me to the hospital to check for brain damage and taking me to a craniofacial surgeon to fix my brow ridge they just took me home in fear of what CPS might do. Then he would tell me "how cool it was" because I covered my face with my hands as I was getting launched and protected my eyes. On top of that, a bully beat me up really bad in middle school and left my eye disfigured with enopthalmos that insurance won't cover the operation to fix so now I look like a downy with a lazy eye and I can't leave my house without an eyepatch on. Then in high school, to crown me as The Shah of Incelistan, The Truecel of Truecels, I starting norwooding in NINTH FUCKING GRADE and was NW7 before I even turned 21!

So I'm doomed, I'm an ugly virgin with no friends forced to take care of my sickly mother until I kill myself. I'm so ugly that I'll never have a waifu to help around the house and take care of my mother. I don't want this misery to be my life but there is no way to fix it... The amount of money it costs to fix my face is ungodly, every time I wake up, I want to die. I don't think I can make it another year like this. The thought of living like this makes me sick to my stomach and thinking of suicide is the only way I can feel better about it. I feel suicide is the most practical solution and I'll be starting my journey soon. If my mother is smart, she'll kill herself when they find my decomposing subhuman carcass because there is no point to living as a diseased untermensch abomination anyway. The government should have executed my mother and I both and thrown us in incinerators a long time ago. There is no fucking cope when there is no fucking hope. I'm worthless. Fuck life. I want to start prayopavesa before Christmas.
 
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Long ass post bro. But go ER
 
Just for the discussion, if you got a new job and moved out, what would happen?
 
Just for the discussion, if you got a new job and moved out, what would happen?
She would have to go to a nursing home and it would be even harder to save up money for surgery because I'd have to pay rent and shit. Unless I can get a job that pays $20/hr or more, I'd be better of going on disability, scam maxxing, and robberymaxxing. Nobody wants to hire a disfigured mutant high school drop out anyway. I have no friends who would want to be roommates and split rent anyway. If I got a $10/hr job and penny pinched to the max, it would still take 5-8 years to get enough money to surgerymaxx because my face is that fucked up. I don't think I could mentally handle looking like this for that long and I'd be a 30 something oldcel by then with no hopes of getting any pussy that isn't worn out single mother trash.
 
And if you refuse to pay?
Her disability would all go towards the nursing home and she would have $40 to herself every month. I would not have to pay for her but I would have to pay and equal amount or more of my money per month for rent and food while wagecucking just to survive. In other words, surgerymaxxing would be nearly impossible unless I won the lotto and my ugliness wouldn't change... It's over, Nature:1 Healing:0...
 
In other words, surgerymaxxing would be nearly impossible unless I won the lotto and my ugliness wouldn't change... It's over, Nature:1 Healing:0...

Yeah. But you would not have to shower off your mothers shit from your own face every other night.
 
58D2C639 2DDC 4A2A 9276 1329A1706F69
 
Damn bro I feel for you. Even though your mom doesn't appreciate it know that what you're doing and what you've had to live through is more than 99.99% of people will ever do or accomplish in their lives. I know that won't fix your problems but if you do decide to rope take solace that you lived your life with integrity and did the best you possibly could with the hand you were dealt.
1322796219001
 
I'm sorry to hear that, man, that's really shit.. I really feel for you

I'd be better of going on disability, scam maxxing, and robberymaxxing.
after all you might have a point here
 
We're poor as fuck. For the past few years I have stocked up on long term storage foods from the food pantry and cheap food to save for when money is tight. I have half a year's worth of couscous, rice, bulgar, oats, barley, pasta, lentils, chickpeas, canned foods, instant mashed potatoes, soup base, and other shit along with oils and spices to make everything decent tasting. She doesn't get enough money from her disability checks and she's always wasting money on fast food, she's always irresponsible with her money and getting overdrawn and forcing me to give her nearly all my money to pay the rest of the bills and her overdrafts. She never took the advice of the financial advice guy at the church pantry, the whole reason we go there is to save money, that's why I have all this food saved up like we planned. I was a picky eater when I was a child but she is way worse. She forces me to spend ludicrous amounts of money ordering delivery multiple times a week because she refuses to eat anything that isn't fast food or Italian delivery. She will only eat expensive food that either has meat, is covered in cheese, or loaded down with sugar. I can't just tell her NO, because then she doesn't want to eat anything and her blood sugar fucks up.

My dad left her because all she does rot in front of the TV watching shitty reality shows while dozing in and out of opiate naps, she's been LDARing like this for thirty fucking years. She has has MS, fucked up ankles, a fucked up back, and diabetes. On top of that, she is dangerously obese, having the body shape of Egg Man from Sonic only makes her even more disabled. She refuses to try to do anything to lose the wait, her excuse is that she's to "get better" before she tries... There is no getting better in America, we're poor and healthcare is run by Mr.Shekelburg. Even we had $120K to send her to Panama for stem cell treatment, if the MS was gone, she'd still just lay in front of that TV all day. She uses a walker because she cannot stand up without it, she moves slower than a 90 year old. Because of this, I have to do all the cleaning, cooking (rarely for her), laundry, and yardwork. She can't handle heat at all so she just lays in bed with nothing but a diaper on, only getting up to scoot her way to the bathroom while simultaneously shitting and pissing all over the hallway and the bathroom floor. There is shit in the hallway right now as I'm typing this that I'm about to have to clean up. She falls down a lot and can't get back up on her own, I often hear her screaming my name so I can come pick her up and drag her back to her bed, which is incredibly difficult because of her obesity and I often hurt myself in the process. She's often covered is shit, piss, and sweat when she falls down and I have to take my shirt off and wrap a towel around my waist first so I don't get it on my pants. After dragging her to her room, wet wiping her back and struggling to get her in her bed, I go straight to the shower cry as I was the filth off my chest and arms. What makes it worse is that when I was a kid, I had ear tubes put in that should have never been put there and caused more problems than they solved, the non permanent one in my right ear fell out and the hole healed but when the permanent one fell out of my left ear over fifteen years later, it left a gaping hole in my eardrum that left me nearly deaf in my left ear. Insurance refuses to pay for the $10,000 operation to patch the hole and restore my hearing. I sleep on my right side so that means if she falls down while I'm sleeping, she might be there screaming my name for hours until I wake up and hear her. Before I got fired from my last shitty job, sometimes she would fall down while I was at work. I'd have to walk home after getting off and break the side door window to get in because we only had one house key. I'd find her on the floor too far away from a phone to have called me.

There's an 80 year old dude that take walks around our neighborhood who stops and talks to my mom and I when he sees me helping her out of the car. He told me Jesus loves me and I'm going to heaven for helping my mom out. What a retarded fucking cope. Not only am I my mother's in home nurse, but I'm a genetic monster who looks like Danny DeVito and Uncle Fester's inbred retarded butt baby. When I was a baby, my dad had me in a grocery cart in a parking and was playing around like it was a scooter, he fucked up and launched me face first like fifteen feet our of the cart and I landed on my face. This left me with an asymmetrical brow ridge I'll never have to money to fix. My parents didn't give a fuck, instead of immediately taking me to the hospital to check for brain damage and taking me to a craniofacial surgeon to fix my brow ridge they just took me home in fear of what CPS might do. Then he would tell me "how cool it was" because I covered my face with my hands as I was getting launched and protected my eyes. On top of that, a bully beat me up really bad in middle school and left my eye disfigured with enopthalmos that insurance won't cover the operation to fix so now I look like a downy with a lazy eye and I can't leave my house without an eyepatch on. Then in high school, to crown me as The Shah of Incelistan, The Truecel of Truecels, I starting norwooding in NINTH FUCKING GRADE and was NW7 before I even turned 21!

So I'm doomed, I'm an ugly virgin with no friends forced to take care of my sickly mother until I kill myself. I'm so ugly that I'll never have a waifu to help around the house and take care of my mother. I don't want this misery to be my life but there is no way to fix it... The amount of money it costs to fix my face is ungodly, every time I wake up, I want to die. I don't think I can make it another year like this. The thought of living like this makes me sick to my stomach and thinking of suicide is the only way I can feel better about it. I feel suicide is the most practical solution and I'll be starting my journey soon. If my mother is smart, she'll kill herself when they find my decomposing subhuman carcass because there is no point to living as a diseased untermensch abomination anyway. The government should have executed my mother and I both and thrown us in incinerators a long time ago. There is no fucking cope when there is no fucking hope. I'm worthless. Fuck life. I want to start prayopavesa before Christmas.
Not one letter.
Ok I decided to read. That was intense and emotional. Especially the part about crying in the shower. I had to fap to your post.

Hug
 
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83a.png


Honestly ER might be an option, perhaps you know where to find that bully that messed up your eye & you do some biblical shit.

would it improve your situation if your mother happened to die in her sleep, maybe she rolled over & couldn't breath right but was too heavy to help herself up & your ear problem prevented you from hearing anything?

The average person doesn't have to deal with even 1/4 of that & many would just up & leave.
 
WHAT the fuck LOLLL
she just lays in bed with nothing but a diaper on, only getting up to scoot her way to the bathroom while simultaneously shitting and pissing all over the hallway and the bathroom floor. There is shit in the hallway right now as I'm typing this that I'm about to have to clean up
I stopped reading there
I didnt expect to read something this bad, thought its just gonna be 'my mom keeps telling me to go out and make friends, and stop LDARing, or she told me I stink and need to take a shower', but this is just unbelievable, cant believe its real, you are such a poor son. cleaning your mothers shit, jesus christ, you are too good of a son, man! I wouldve left her ass a long time ago and live with my father or something..
 
WHAT the fuck LOLLL

I stopped reading there
I didnt expect to read something this bad, thought its just gonna be 'my mom keeps telling me to go out and make friends, and stop LDARing, or she told me I stink and need to take a shower', but this is just unbelievable, cant believe its real, you are such a poor son. cleaning your mothers shit, jesus christ, you are too good of a son, man! I wouldve left her ass a long time ago and live with my father or something..
My father gets depressed just looking at me and realizing how shitty and worthless my life is. I think he wants to move far away and put his past and genetic failure of a son behind him and tropicalmaxx... Ironically, my mom always tells me "go live with your father!" when I complain about her doing dumb shit.
 
My father gets depressed just looking at me and realizing how shitty and worthless my life is.
jeez youre really deformed huh?
I almost cant believe what you wrote, youre born with deformed face on top of having a mother that shits in the hallway :lul: I feel for you man..

My father gets depressed just looking at me and realizing how shitty and worthless my life is. I think he want's to move far away and put his past and genetic failure of a son behind him tropicalmaxx... Ironically, my mom always tells me "go live with your father!" when I complain about her doing dumb shit.
Still man, maybe call him and see if he would take you in, Even if your father hates being around you, you would be way better off living with him than her..unless hes abusive..
just leave your mother in some nursing home already, you owe her NOTHING. Leave her and feel no guilt about it, i say. She already ded, let the poor nurses deal with that. You still got a future.
 
Still man, maybe call him and see if he would take you in, Even if your father hates being around you, you would be way better off living with him than her..unless hes abusive..
just leave your mother in some nursing home already, you owe her NOTHING. Leave her and feel no guilt about it, i say. She already ded, let the poor nurses deal with that. You still got a future.
 
jeez youre really deformed huh?
I almost cant believe what you wrote, youre born with deformed face on top of having a mother that shits in the hallway :lul: I feel for you man..


Still man, maybe call him and see if he would take you in, Even if your father hates being around you, you would be way better off living with him than her..unless hes abusive..
just leave your mother in some nursing home already, you owe her NOTHING. Leave her and feel no guilt about it, i say. She already ded, let the poor nurses deal with that. You still got a future.
I wasn't born deformed, I've had two facial injuries by the hands of other people, one accidental, one not... Both not covered by insurance...

My dad's house is very small, no room for me or my shit. Plus, he wouldn't stay up all night drinking, smoking cigs and video game coping... He'd make me get a shitty paying job and wagecuck, I'd rather get NEETbux or scam maxx, plus his girlfriend would kick me out of the house for hosting my nightly black pill debates on PS4 party chats...

I'm very ugly and can't afford facial surgery before it's too late. Unless I rob a bank in Tel Aviv, I have no future...
 
What the hell, mate? NW7 hair?! That's just fucking bald!
Images 27
 
plus his girlfriend would kick me out of the house for hosting my nightly black pill debates on PS4 party chats...
well, at least he have a girlfriend I guess..
I'm very ugly and can't afford facial surgery before it's too late. Unless I rob a bank in Tel Aviv, I have no future...
Idk whats the min wage where you live, but its still a 1st world wage.
so its possible if you look for plastic surgery in 2nd / 3rd world countries. Cause its definitely much cheaper than ones in 1st world countries, and pretty safe actually if you go with a reputable surgeon. Theres still hope bro, if you go through with surgery youd look normal at least..like everyone else, you wouldnt be so miserable anymore and itd be possible to get some sort of a gf. Hope youd be okay man..
 
You're a good guy considering that you take care of your mother despite all the shit she does. Being irresponsible with money is gay. IT will still call you a soggy knee who deserves to die a brutal death.
Any death for me is a merciful death.
its possible if you look for plastic surgery in 2nd / 3rd world countries.
I need a rare operation called an Orbital Volume Augmentation that not many doctors outside of Los Angeles can do.
 
This shit was depressing as fuck but hilarious. You should go into comedy. But I feel sorry for you man
 
This shit was depressing as fuck but hilarious. You should go into comedy. But I feel sorry for you man
Ugly guys are banned from comedy unless they cater to foids...
 
is it possible to pop momys opiates by yor self and LDAR before kys
 
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is it possible to pop momys opiates by yor self and LDAR before kys
I hate downers, I prefer uppers... And I'd rather prayopavesamaxx...
 
I'm sorry about your situation. Hang in there.
 
I'm glad i'm not poor
 
Just chain her to a pipe and go about your life theory?
 
Read everything, your situation sounds beyond awful
 
Pretty soul crushing to read OP, dec2017cel as well as legit OG.

There is a fine line between caring for a relative and enabling them, and I can't tell you which is which. All I will say is that it sounds like you've done more than enough, more than any person would do in that situation, and you wouldn't be wrong to let nature take its course. If she can't be bothered to look after herself, why should you?
 
Is there any way you can fatten her up even more? And make sure nobody's around when she inevitably keels over in a heart attack? She sounds like a lost cause and a textbook case of "life unworthy of life".
 
Is there any way you can fatten her up even more? And make sure nobody's around when she inevitably keels over in a heart attack?

The human body is amazingly resilient. People get 600lbs plus and last for years without their hearts failing. They can even end up becoming physically fused to couches as their skin kind of partially dissolves and then reheals around the fabric.

The best bet is opiates. Let her take as many as she wants, and let nature take its course.
 
The human body is amazingly resilient. People get 600lbs plus and last for years without their hearts failing. They can even end up becoming physically fused to couches as their skin kind of partially dissolves and then reheals around the fabric.

The best bet is opiates. Let her take as many as she wants, and let nature take its course.
Medical is finally legal in my state so she needs to get her medical card, she should have had it 30 years ago tbh. I also think she needs to start smoking meth (not abusively) and taking Lion's Mane Mushroom capsules. She needs like a diabetic friendly intermittent fasting routine and a laptop so she can do shit that involves thinking for most of the day instead spacing out in front of the TV... TV is evil as fuck, makes people dumb as shit...
how can u pay rent?
Her disability pays rent but she let Mr.Shekelburg sink his fangs into her with a subprime auto loan instead of going on craigslist like a responsible adult, plus she has a million prescriptions and some aren't covered by insurance, the water company got busted by the EPA for lying about having faulty shit to save so instead of Mr.Shekelburg paying to get new shit, everyone in my county has to pay 3x as much on their water bill as the neighboring county to pay for their new shit (and they'll keep the bill the same once they got it anyway cuz shekels), she can't embrace the internet and streaming services like a 21st century human and insists on paying for cable too... I usually have to pay for a bill, and overdraft, or cover groceries at least twice a month... My unemployment runs out in March and I live in a Red state so someone like me would get next to nothing in NEETbux...
 
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Life is hell for us deformed people.
 
Hell life man I'm so sorry, wish I could give you a hug. It's crunch time if your unemployment is going to run out. I'd research any and all food/shelter/care for homeless ppl even if you're not homeless. You really do need to stop giving her money to pay bills, say you ran out, once she's late for a few and cable gets shut off she'll learn to budget by force bc she can't use her copes anymore. You really need to make sure to make it seem like you feel really bad. If you haven't totally given up then you need to plan on where you're going to live if she kicks you out. Summon @outherebrothers he's homeless he could give you some tips.
How does she feel about going to a nursing home?
 
Hell life man I'm so sorry, wish I could give you a hug. It's crunch time if your unemployment is going to run out. I'd research any and all food/shelter/care for homeless ppl even if you're not homeless. You really do need to stop giving her money to pay bills, say you ran out, once she's late for a few and cable gets shut off she'll learn to budget by force bc she can't use her copes anymore. You really need to make sure to make it seem like you feel really bad. If you haven't totally given up then you need to plan on where you're going to live if she kicks you out. Summon @outherebrothers he's homeless he could give you some tips.
How does she feel about going to a nursing home?
She knows she's gonna have to go eventually. I'll probably go to Los Angeles and hobomaxx when I start my prayopavesa journey so the constant mogging gives me the resolve to wither all the way.
 
She knows she's gonna have to go eventually. I'll probably go to Los Angeles and hobomaxx when I start my prayopavesa journey so the constant mogging gives me the resolve to wither all the way.
I don't want to be preachy but you really should rethink becoming a hobo, the constant violence and stress isn't worth it. You're going to eventually become a crackhead to deal with all of it. If you want to try one more thing, I'd rec trying to freakshowmaxx on the internet, you're certainly ugly enough, and with unique experiences too. Not an insult, ppl pay good $ to watch cringey freaks for entertainment, think pink guy/boogie2998's francis/emilia fart.
 
I don't want to be preachy but you really should rethink becoming a hobo, the constant violence and stress isn't worth it. You're going to eventually become a crackhead to deal with all of it. If you want to try one more thing, I'd rec trying to freakshowmaxx on the internet, you're certainly ugly enough, and with unique experiences too. Not an insult, ppl pay good $ to watch cringey freaks for entertainment, think pink guy/boogie2998's francis/emilia fart.
Nah bro, I'll just be urban camping while I fast to death... I don't plan on spending years on the street lol.
 
Nah bro, I'll just be urban camping while I fast to death... I don't plan on spending years on the street lol.
Survival instinct will prevail. If you haven't roped yet then you definetly will not be able to starve to ded, it's way more painful.
 
Survival instinct will prevail. If you haven't roped yet then you definetly will not be able to starve to ded, it's way more painful.
No it's not, it's euphoric. Dehydration is painful, as long as I drink water, it won't hurt. Hunger stops after five days. I did a water fast for 36 days back in 2017.
 
No it's not, it's euphoric. Dehydration is painful, as long as I drink water, it won't hurt. Hunger stops after five days. I did a water fast for 36 days back in 2017.
If you're set on it then, talk to some homeless ppl first, GL.
 

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