GeneticFilth
Mythic
★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
- Posts
- 4,746
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I can totally relate to everything you guys are talking about. Until 18 my acne was mild, not bad. It was good enough that I had sexual relations with some girls, though now i think about it it must be the curiosity that everyone has at that age. 19 acne hit me hard. I didnt know what was happening. i was breaking out everywhere. the cause was not my diet, because i had been eating clean all my life, i stopped dairy no change at all. well that one breakout started calming down and then i got horrible acne on my back. I didnt think much of it that time but in 6 months that bacne turned into a horrible scarring of 60+ spots on my back, and even my face is full of hyperpigmentation spots, even tho my skin is smooth to touch. I think its due to me messing with the acne and blood clotting beneath the skin. I shoudlve taken accutane but just didnt know about it that time. i have no idea what is wrong with me. i was a very healthy male (i played for my school football team) and ate clean, no bad habits (except a smoke with friends once in a month), and suddenly i was breaking out all over my body. My family sarted hating me, i could see they were contantly seeing at my scars rather than seeing me in the eye while tlking, same with every person i talked to. I automatically stopped talking to any girls, since i saw people had no interest in me anymore. My social interaction got less day by day. I try to avoid my relatives as they only criticize my skin, saying look what you've done to yourself, which is kind of true since i touched those pimple but hey why the **** did i have those pimples in the first place ? Depression has taken me by its clutches, all i do is sit in my room and watch movies or try to distract myself. In the end ive become this person who hates everyone with good skin, hates himself and thinks about death everyday. I honestly look at people with cancer who have perfect skin and think itll be alright if i had cancer atleast i will have good skin people will accept me. theres nothing wrong with my body, except this acne and at 22 i have no idea what i am going to do with the rest of my life. I dont know if another person will accept me. Before i had the confidence to go and talk to any girl i liked, and dreamed of a beautiful girlfriend and having a good body which i can show off on the beach in my instagram posts, but all that is left now is a hope that maybe someone somewhere will accept me and love me. Ive deleted most of my social midea, because its all full of selfies and people having fun with friends which i cant do. How can i even love anyone else when I hate my face everytime i look in the mirror. The amount of courage and sheer will power it takes to get up from my bed and go to college is mind boggling to me. I feel exhausted the minute i come back to my house cause all the day i spend trying not to make contact with people. I am in college and there are beautiful girls in my class that I dont even fantasize about, because of the fact that ill never even talk to them, and even if i do theres no way they will repsond in a positive manner. One thing is sure, acne is a hell of a disease. I am perfectly healthy guy, except the acne scars i have on my face and body, and I was a person with dreams of changing the world, and i have been reduced to a rubble of depression and anxiety who cant tolerate bright lights and just wants to live away from the sociery and in solitude[/font]
)))
