I had this evil fucking dream. I was a college student in some picturesque college town. I wish I could have gone lucid at that point because I'm 25 so I'm too old for college so my brain should have picked up on that. There were students all around the campus courtyard. It was a sunny late spring day and I was interacting with normies. Fucking Hamlossus was about fifty feet away and I was talking to this Tai Lopez looking normie and asking him if the was really Hamlossus and he said it was really him. He told me not to call him Hammy or Hamlossus because he was known to pick up normies, chads and incels alike with one hand and chokeslam them for fucking with him. I didn't care, I was low inhib so I looked towards him and shouted "St.Hammy, The Chosen One! What's up nigga!" Surprisingly, he didn't react with violence and he walked over and I started talking to him. His life didn't suck in the dream, he was a high ranking student and he had a 6/10 blonde girlfriend that was quite nice looking. There was some university event happening across town that we were supposed to go to, maybe a party or something. We all got on this bus, the bus driver was an old hippy, I saw some ricecel rolling a joint two seats behind me and I told him I'd match him double when we got off. I must have been a non genetically inferior or looksmaxxed version of myself in the dream because everyone was smiling at me and treating me nice. Everyone was laughing at my jokes and I felt really good. At this point I should have known it was a dream again because a petite white girl with a black bob haircut sat next to me and was giving me euphoric IOIs. In my conscience mind, I don't really like white females that much, especially short ones but in the dream I didn't care. She was perfectly cute and didn't look like a degenerate. We started talking about nostalgia and childhood memories of stealing liquor and doing B&Es. Then we talked about music, I remember she liked The Smashing Pumpkins, and Temple of The Dog. Then somehow the scene changed and I was laying on the grass with her having a picnic somewhere in a field of flowers that looked it was from the Ricola cough drop packaging. There was the edge of a forest to our right with deer eating berries peacefully. We were smoking joints and just cuddled together looking at the clouds, the only thing missing was some Beatles music playing in the background. I felt so relaxed and peaceful, it's like I never knew what ugliness and loneliness was like. I felt like eternal summer was approaching and a lifetime of happiness was just something that was completely normal.
Then I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep and return to the dream but I couldn't. Once I opened my eyes and returned to the hell of my hideous existence, there was no way my mind could trick me into going back. I want to perform sallekhana or bleed out when I kill myself but waking up from this dream just made me angry at my brain. I didn't start punching the sides of my head because it's already bruised and in pain from the last time I started punching the sides of my head. It made me reconsider how I want to kill myself for a few minutes. I felt like it might be better to blow my brains out or dive head first off of a tall building. I wanted to destroy my brain when I woke up for teasing me with these illusions. I hate having peaceful dreams like that, I really want to end this shitty life this month. Every day it feels like it's getting easier and easier to abandon all hope. I'll try to remember this dream when I kill myself.
Then I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep and return to the dream but I couldn't. Once I opened my eyes and returned to the hell of my hideous existence, there was no way my mind could trick me into going back. I want to perform sallekhana or bleed out when I kill myself but waking up from this dream just made me angry at my brain. I didn't start punching the sides of my head because it's already bruised and in pain from the last time I started punching the sides of my head. It made me reconsider how I want to kill myself for a few minutes. I felt like it might be better to blow my brains out or dive head first off of a tall building. I wanted to destroy my brain when I woke up for teasing me with these illusions. I hate having peaceful dreams like that, I really want to end this shitty life this month. Every day it feels like it's getting easier and easier to abandon all hope. I'll try to remember this dream when I kill myself.
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