Fancy Alcoholic
Living by the name
★★★★★
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2020
- Posts
- 12,314
Work all week, then finally have some rest on week end, then repeat.
I don't have any kind of enjoyment besides being still able to sleep when I'm tired, which is quite a modest kind of way to enjoy the life thing.
Alcohol, drugs, sport, video games ... All these very basic kind of distraction doesn't do anything to calm my profound feel of despair. And the things I consider the most fundamental things in my life, such as my art, my readings, all these, do nothing to calm my soul. Reading authors (I could quote a lot of them, but who cares ? Stoïcians, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, you name them ...) used to be a source of enjoyment and apeasement, as the progressive understanding of our world is to little infants.
But now, I just feel drained, old, cold.
I'm not even trying to be edgy, as I could have done back in high school, listining to ultra violent black metal or watching horror movies consistently. Back then, I can say I was still hoping, my mind, body and soul somehow still growing through intellectual stimulations and sports, projecting myself without a second thought to what I called the future.
This thing I called future is now. I can't deny I progressed, but now all I feel is the end of progress. I feel it in my vein, I feel decline. It's not the wall foids have to face past 40, which only consists in counting less and less Chad dicks per months, it's more profound. It's the feeling of void itself, the very contemplation of the progressive end of my self on this earth.
How come I am only 20 something and feeling like this ? I've always been of the depressed kind, but this is the epitome of this feeling. My life is kind of settled now that I'm in the wageslave market, I have nothing new to expect from this world. Why in the hell continue ?
I just don't even want to do the effort of ending myself.
I don't have any kind of enjoyment besides being still able to sleep when I'm tired, which is quite a modest kind of way to enjoy the life thing.
Alcohol, drugs, sport, video games ... All these very basic kind of distraction doesn't do anything to calm my profound feel of despair. And the things I consider the most fundamental things in my life, such as my art, my readings, all these, do nothing to calm my soul. Reading authors (I could quote a lot of them, but who cares ? Stoïcians, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, you name them ...) used to be a source of enjoyment and apeasement, as the progressive understanding of our world is to little infants.
But now, I just feel drained, old, cold.
I'm not even trying to be edgy, as I could have done back in high school, listining to ultra violent black metal or watching horror movies consistently. Back then, I can say I was still hoping, my mind, body and soul somehow still growing through intellectual stimulations and sports, projecting myself without a second thought to what I called the future.
This thing I called future is now. I can't deny I progressed, but now all I feel is the end of progress. I feel it in my vein, I feel decline. It's not the wall foids have to face past 40, which only consists in counting less and less Chad dicks per months, it's more profound. It's the feeling of void itself, the very contemplation of the progressive end of my self on this earth.
How come I am only 20 something and feeling like this ? I've always been of the depressed kind, but this is the epitome of this feeling. My life is kind of settled now that I'm in the wageslave market, I have nothing new to expect from this world. Why in the hell continue ?
I just don't even want to do the effort of ending myself.