I was raised by a radical feminist mother who indoctrinated me into thinking females were angels, so on the onset of puberty I believed that females didn't care about appearance and could be won over with merit and personality. When I asked out my first crush after months of being her best friend, she said that my face was so ugly, that she wasn't attracted to me "at all" and that no girl would ever find me attractive. Later that night, I cried for about an hour straight. I became fixated on my appearance, with research on the internet I realized my case was useless. I discovered that I had a chubby face with non-existent cheekbones and jawline despite being underweight and fit. I also found I possessed a large nose, large lips, a short stature, asymmetrical eyes, and a receding chin. Despite having white skin, I have black facial features due to being mixed race. During my first year of college, I also started aggressively balding. I am literally a walking abomination, so I was blackpilled from the beginning. Throughout all of high school, I was made fun of for being ugly by chads and females. Due to this, I avoid talking to anyone at college. Life has no meaning to me, but I enjoy learning and playing video games. My only redeeming quality is my intelligence, which I only use sparingly since every aspect of my life is shit.