I'm now 23yo, soon to be 24yo. I, through a mix of various factors, chiefly being a worthless ugly retard, ended up as a khhv incel with no woman ever attracted to me, superficially or otherwise. I've been thoroughly rejected by 2 crushes in my teen years, never really recovered from a gigantic heartbreak due to a nasty case of oneitis since 2019, now grasped by a permanent, total sense of a complete, utter and irreversible defeat in terms of romantic life. I'm horribly mentally scarred by a 3 year long destructive panic/anxiety disorder (dealt with) which accompanied a 9 yo depression (still here). No social connections, no circle of close friends, no "tribe".
Only able to passively observe people around me finding fulfillment in love/partnership. Once I come back to my empty house, the pain of that feeling strikes with full intensity.
I know some people who have been with eachother since teenage years. It's beyond excruciating to observe and learn, moment by moment, what I've missed and am still missing out on.
I'm a lost, abandoned, lonely, spiritually defeated person with no idea where to even begin repairing stuff, Social skills - had to work it out out of neccessity, so they're sufficient to manage in a group of distant friends, yet ZERO knowledge on flirting/romance, I feel more awkward about it than most beginner teenagers.
Also an intense fear of being humiliated yet again over being totally inexperienced at 23yo, honestly any sane woman will bolt as soon as she hears I'm inexperienced as a 23yo fucking man.
no it's not about hygiene, no it's not about sitting in the basement, I lead a superficially normal life, I'm as social as required not to make studies/work weird, I'm doing somehow decent at the university. It's that very real thing where women, with whom I have a normie workplace/university acquaintanceship, are genuinely repulsed by the mere thought of engaging with me in a romantic fashion, and holy shit does it show, they naturally won't say it directly, ofc, but all women make sure to arrange their bodily language so that the message to me is 100% clear "don't even try you disgusting loser".
The one feeling that I'm certain of, which accompanies me since a long long time, is the total belief and absolute conviction that I'm totally unfuckable and inherently repulsive. Had a few situations where women started positively evaluating random guys with "he's tall", they genuinely treat height, a non-modifiable trait, as baseline for attraction Every time it happens, I want to end my manlet existence just a little bit more.
I am only able to cope through professional fulfillment. Without that, I would've roped 2 years ago.
on the brightside i have a plan to hasten the inevitable end of this excruciating suffering shortly after my parents pass on, so as not to punish them with the feeling of guilt for my failure of an existence and the end of it
Only able to passively observe people around me finding fulfillment in love/partnership. Once I come back to my empty house, the pain of that feeling strikes with full intensity.
I know some people who have been with eachother since teenage years. It's beyond excruciating to observe and learn, moment by moment, what I've missed and am still missing out on.
I'm a lost, abandoned, lonely, spiritually defeated person with no idea where to even begin repairing stuff, Social skills - had to work it out out of neccessity, so they're sufficient to manage in a group of distant friends, yet ZERO knowledge on flirting/romance, I feel more awkward about it than most beginner teenagers.
Also an intense fear of being humiliated yet again over being totally inexperienced at 23yo, honestly any sane woman will bolt as soon as she hears I'm inexperienced as a 23yo fucking man.
no it's not about hygiene, no it's not about sitting in the basement, I lead a superficially normal life, I'm as social as required not to make studies/work weird, I'm doing somehow decent at the university. It's that very real thing where women, with whom I have a normie workplace/university acquaintanceship, are genuinely repulsed by the mere thought of engaging with me in a romantic fashion, and holy shit does it show, they naturally won't say it directly, ofc, but all women make sure to arrange their bodily language so that the message to me is 100% clear "don't even try you disgusting loser".
The one feeling that I'm certain of, which accompanies me since a long long time, is the total belief and absolute conviction that I'm totally unfuckable and inherently repulsive. Had a few situations where women started positively evaluating random guys with "he's tall", they genuinely treat height, a non-modifiable trait, as baseline for attraction Every time it happens, I want to end my manlet existence just a little bit more.
I am only able to cope through professional fulfillment. Without that, I would've roped 2 years ago.
on the brightside i have a plan to hasten the inevitable end of this excruciating suffering shortly after my parents pass on, so as not to punish them with the feeling of guilt for my failure of an existence and the end of it
