I was chatting with my grandpa in Indonesia the other day through FaceTime, I haven't talked to him since COVID began and I likely will not see him before he dies. He's mostly lucid but he's 97 years old and getting sicker by the day. He starts talking about the Asian attacks here in America or whatever he reads in the media, and he tells me it reminded him of his younger days when Chinese-Indonesians like us were discriminated against in. I asked him what the Chinese did at the time and he said they did... nothing 
. He said some joined communist militias but that was about it, and even the communist militias never made a serious effort to resist the government after the Dutch and Japanese left. He said the general sentiment was that Chinese-Indonesians admitted that we were foreigners, that it was a waste of time to change people's mind, and that we needed to just focus on making money. I guess that last thing worked out well for many of us but it was very disappointing to hear.
I was hoping he was going to tell me that the Chinese community created our version of the Black Panthers or something, that we didn't just take it up the ass, that we used our money to lobby for better treatment or something. All I wanted to hear was that we put some semblance of a fight. Instead we accepted government-mandated cultural erasure, apparently in the 60s the Suharto government said all Chinese had to change their names to an Indonesian name, so now there's a subclass of Indonesian last names that sound Indonesian to people not from Indonesia, but any Indonesian would know that these last names were invented for Chinese people. It's as obvious as names like "Daquan" being a Black name in America
And then I realized both here and in America, there's some layer of nonacceptance based on where I'm from and how I look, but even worse is the romantic rejection. The denial of participation in all the wonderful things that come from sex and love. Do other ethnicels feel the same way? Do you feel like you're extra motivated to hate society because you're in an even worse class of people than others of the same ethnic group or race?
. He said some joined communist militias but that was about it, and even the communist militias never made a serious effort to resist the government after the Dutch and Japanese left. He said the general sentiment was that Chinese-Indonesians admitted that we were foreigners, that it was a waste of time to change people's mind, and that we needed to just focus on making money. I guess that last thing worked out well for many of us but it was very disappointing to hear.I was hoping he was going to tell me that the Chinese community created our version of the Black Panthers or something, that we didn't just take it up the ass, that we used our money to lobby for better treatment or something. All I wanted to hear was that we put some semblance of a fight. Instead we accepted government-mandated cultural erasure, apparently in the 60s the Suharto government said all Chinese had to change their names to an Indonesian name, so now there's a subclass of Indonesian last names that sound Indonesian to people not from Indonesia, but any Indonesian would know that these last names were invented for Chinese people. It's as obvious as names like "Daquan" being a Black name in America
And then I realized both here and in America, there's some layer of nonacceptance based on where I'm from and how I look, but even worse is the romantic rejection. The denial of participation in all the wonderful things that come from sex and love. Do other ethnicels feel the same way? Do you feel like you're extra motivated to hate society because you're in an even worse class of people than others of the same ethnic group or race?
but suicidefuel 4 u 
