Caelus
★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2023
- Posts
- 1,253
For the longest time, I coped by thinking that I had been able to overcome and rise above all the bullying, but not anymore. Y’know, the sort of let bygones be bygones and highschool didn’t really matter (except for me it extended far beyond just school) way of “mature” thinking? But now I realize it’s shit. It doesn’t help. What happened in the past is what shaped who you are now. No amount of mental gymnastics or venting into the abyss will ever let you work your way around and move past it.
Bullying made me resent everything. I don’t feel human anymore. I want nothing to do with anyone now. I don’t just hate women, I hate men, children, elderly, etc. everyone. I hate every living breathing being. They scare the shit out of me. I just want them to leave me alone. I wouldn’t feel lonely if I could just go live life on my own in desolation. Having to live with them as a means to function is what haunts me.
I just feel so bad for myself, man. Honestly. I was so pure and innocent as a child. I never hurt anyone. Never fought back. Never retaliated. I can’t forgive myself for having to live among some of the most vile and inhuman creatures I’ve ever had the pleasure of surviving from, but what other choice did I have? The people who I live with are so aggressive, so evil, so grotesque that it’s laughable. You can’t avoid becoming what they wanted you to form into. You have to be them to survive them.
I tried putting myself in the shoes of someone in a relationship, and I honestly cannot see it ever happening. I can’t force myself to love any of these people, and I expect the same from them. For men like me, life isn’t a Reddit fantasy where you can just meet THAT ONE PERSON who is gonna change your world forever and you’ll be living happily ever after together like sunshines and rainbows. I’m incel because I’m short and ugly, that is the #1, but the bullying just went straight ahead and fucking twisted the knife in a firestorm dude lmao.
Bullying made me resent everything. I don’t feel human anymore. I want nothing to do with anyone now. I don’t just hate women, I hate men, children, elderly, etc. everyone. I hate every living breathing being. They scare the shit out of me. I just want them to leave me alone. I wouldn’t feel lonely if I could just go live life on my own in desolation. Having to live with them as a means to function is what haunts me.
I just feel so bad for myself, man. Honestly. I was so pure and innocent as a child. I never hurt anyone. Never fought back. Never retaliated. I can’t forgive myself for having to live among some of the most vile and inhuman creatures I’ve ever had the pleasure of surviving from, but what other choice did I have? The people who I live with are so aggressive, so evil, so grotesque that it’s laughable. You can’t avoid becoming what they wanted you to form into. You have to be them to survive them.
I tried putting myself in the shoes of someone in a relationship, and I honestly cannot see it ever happening. I can’t force myself to love any of these people, and I expect the same from them. For men like me, life isn’t a Reddit fantasy where you can just meet THAT ONE PERSON who is gonna change your world forever and you’ll be living happily ever after together like sunshines and rainbows. I’m incel because I’m short and ugly, that is the #1, but the bullying just went straight ahead and fucking twisted the knife in a firestorm dude lmao.