This is a bit of a long story, just a heads up:
I work as an intern for the IT branch of a company, and as an intern I have found that I have a lot of free time, and more importantly, time to myself. So the last three weeks have been good for me, people around me minded their own business, I minded mine, and could stay in my own bubble. There was a female intern there too, an Indian straight from India, but instead of getting depressed around her like I always do around females, I treated her as a fellow worker, spoke about our work when she had to ask me a question, and went on with my day. It was a nice couple of weeks, that is, until yesterday.
Apparently all the interns had to meet together for a barbecue, which I was not looking forward to because A) I was fasting and didn't need to think about food and B) I hate socializing. So when the invitation was sent, I left my response as tentative and ignored it. Unfortunately one of the higher ups who sent the email came up to my office and told me to go, and when I explained that I was fasting she said that I don't have to eat anything (which wouldn't really help my issue at all).
So when the day came I walked over there with the female intern who sits across from me in IT, making sure to keep my distance, until we met another intern, a white girl who was taller than me. Already I can see that I'm getting mogged, so I make the right choice and slow my pace until both of them are far ahead of me. The white girl asks why I'm trailing so far behind, so I move forward a bit faster, but not fast enough for either of them to see me.
Eventually we reach a table where the other three interns are, two white girls and a tall white guy who was easily over 6 foot and mogged me hard. I tried to keep to myself, sitting next to the Indian girl as if to intentionally segregate myself, and tried not to look up. Unfortunately, it's hard to blend into a crowd when the crowd is only six people. We had to introduce ourselves and then we went to the barbecue. Immediately I was feeling tortured by all the food smells and I just wanted to leave. Once we reached the table, the interns all started talking to each other, and I tried looking away, not wanting to show my ugly face. I turn around for a split second and see all the white people around me, with the guys mogging me and the girls looking at me like I was some kind of subhuman. Unable to take it anymore, I tell them I have to leave and go back to my office to watch Smash Bros. gameplay.
I hate myself. I hate my looks and I hate my social autism. But it doesn't hurt me like it used to.
I work as an intern for the IT branch of a company, and as an intern I have found that I have a lot of free time, and more importantly, time to myself. So the last three weeks have been good for me, people around me minded their own business, I minded mine, and could stay in my own bubble. There was a female intern there too, an Indian straight from India, but instead of getting depressed around her like I always do around females, I treated her as a fellow worker, spoke about our work when she had to ask me a question, and went on with my day. It was a nice couple of weeks, that is, until yesterday.
Apparently all the interns had to meet together for a barbecue, which I was not looking forward to because A) I was fasting and didn't need to think about food and B) I hate socializing. So when the invitation was sent, I left my response as tentative and ignored it. Unfortunately one of the higher ups who sent the email came up to my office and told me to go, and when I explained that I was fasting she said that I don't have to eat anything (which wouldn't really help my issue at all).
So when the day came I walked over there with the female intern who sits across from me in IT, making sure to keep my distance, until we met another intern, a white girl who was taller than me. Already I can see that I'm getting mogged, so I make the right choice and slow my pace until both of them are far ahead of me. The white girl asks why I'm trailing so far behind, so I move forward a bit faster, but not fast enough for either of them to see me.
Eventually we reach a table where the other three interns are, two white girls and a tall white guy who was easily over 6 foot and mogged me hard. I tried to keep to myself, sitting next to the Indian girl as if to intentionally segregate myself, and tried not to look up. Unfortunately, it's hard to blend into a crowd when the crowd is only six people. We had to introduce ourselves and then we went to the barbecue. Immediately I was feeling tortured by all the food smells and I just wanted to leave. Once we reached the table, the interns all started talking to each other, and I tried looking away, not wanting to show my ugly face. I turn around for a split second and see all the white people around me, with the guys mogging me and the girls looking at me like I was some kind of subhuman. Unable to take it anymore, I tell them I have to leave and go back to my office to watch Smash Bros. gameplay.
I hate myself. I hate my looks and I hate my social autism. But it doesn't hurt me like it used to.
