And it's gotten to the point of being ridiculous. Last night I woke up gasping from a nightmare where I was having a fight with my father and he turned into a giant monster like the red guy from the movie "the extraordinary league of gentlemen" and was trying to eat me alive.
Before that, my mother was laughing at my stupidity and inceldom and wouldn't shut up so I tried to choke her to death but her derisive face wouldn't even change a bit even when I was applying full force onto her neck so I ended up leaving and the place and her coughing behind just to be confronted by my father later on.
The thing is, both of my parents hate my guts and we've had confrontations in the past which haven't escalated to serious violence because of my younger brother. They allow me to live at their place even though it's been two years since the last time I had a stable job. We don't get into arguments anymore and the three of us avoid confrontations of any kind but there's always this underlying "tension" in every one of our interactions that screams out loud how much we despise each other. My mother never wastes a chance to mock me in a "subtle" way with her remarks and behavior and push my buttons because she knows she's not gonna get an outward reaction from me for such petty things. My father almost always treats me with condescendence like I am a schizophrenic mental case and asks me how am I doing by calling me "neguito" which in my country's spanish means "littlebuddy" (keep in mind I'm 25 yo), he also sometimes stands right in front of me and stares at me with a "friendly looking face" or says some retarded shit that's "suppossed to be funny" on purpose just to force me to smile, (which I do cuz I really don't want any confrontations with him or my mom anymore), he does this even though we've had conversations about human nature in the past (which revolved around the workplace as the main topic, not our family) where I let him know I believe smiling is for the most part a way of expressing submission and accepting one's lower status and that's the reason why people have a tendency to force others to smile. He feels the need to remind me on a daily basis that he's the alpha of the house even though I keep my mouth shut and don't act threatening at all. And the truth is that he might be a cuck and quite probably a cuckold too but he still lifemogs me into oblivion, he's smarter than me, more masculine than me, more skillful and managed to settle down with a jailbait (supposedly virgin) foid (my cunt mother) in his late 20's, he definitely feels superior to me.
In the past I used to cope by thinking he was my father and he loved me, but not that I know for certain he has nothing but contempt and bitterness for me I can't help but think of him as an enemy (at least on a subconscious level) and that really fucks with my mind when I'm sleeping JFL. But I guess that's the price I have to pay for being a neet and not having to be mogged by a larger number of males at work while ultrawageslaving my ass just to get a chance to live in a tiny shitty apartment surrounded by fucking criminals which is the closest thing to "independence" I can hope for in my shitworld country.
The "mog or be mogged world" hurts like a bitch once you've become aware of its true dynamics (water is wet) how can you niggas even cope with this shit? seriously
Before that, my mother was laughing at my stupidity and inceldom and wouldn't shut up so I tried to choke her to death but her derisive face wouldn't even change a bit even when I was applying full force onto her neck so I ended up leaving and the place and her coughing behind just to be confronted by my father later on.
The thing is, both of my parents hate my guts and we've had confrontations in the past which haven't escalated to serious violence because of my younger brother. They allow me to live at their place even though it's been two years since the last time I had a stable job. We don't get into arguments anymore and the three of us avoid confrontations of any kind but there's always this underlying "tension" in every one of our interactions that screams out loud how much we despise each other. My mother never wastes a chance to mock me in a "subtle" way with her remarks and behavior and push my buttons because she knows she's not gonna get an outward reaction from me for such petty things. My father almost always treats me with condescendence like I am a schizophrenic mental case and asks me how am I doing by calling me "neguito" which in my country's spanish means "littlebuddy" (keep in mind I'm 25 yo), he also sometimes stands right in front of me and stares at me with a "friendly looking face" or says some retarded shit that's "suppossed to be funny" on purpose just to force me to smile, (which I do cuz I really don't want any confrontations with him or my mom anymore), he does this even though we've had conversations about human nature in the past (which revolved around the workplace as the main topic, not our family) where I let him know I believe smiling is for the most part a way of expressing submission and accepting one's lower status and that's the reason why people have a tendency to force others to smile. He feels the need to remind me on a daily basis that he's the alpha of the house even though I keep my mouth shut and don't act threatening at all. And the truth is that he might be a cuck and quite probably a cuckold too but he still lifemogs me into oblivion, he's smarter than me, more masculine than me, more skillful and managed to settle down with a jailbait (supposedly virgin) foid (my cunt mother) in his late 20's, he definitely feels superior to me.
In the past I used to cope by thinking he was my father and he loved me, but not that I know for certain he has nothing but contempt and bitterness for me I can't help but think of him as an enemy (at least on a subconscious level) and that really fucks with my mind when I'm sleeping JFL. But I guess that's the price I have to pay for being a neet and not having to be mogged by a larger number of males at work while ultrawageslaving my ass just to get a chance to live in a tiny shitty apartment surrounded by fucking criminals which is the closest thing to "independence" I can hope for in my shitworld country.
The "mog or be mogged world" hurts like a bitch once you've become aware of its true dynamics (water is wet) how can you niggas even cope with this shit? seriously
