IncelCatechumen
Self-banned
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- Joined
- Jul 3, 2021
- Posts
- 1,332
I had a rough college experience (not academically but socially) which destroyed any modicum of "mental health" that I had. Currently I´m taking a semester off and applying to new universities to get a new start. Yet, during this period of pure opium, my life consists of waking up, playing maplestory, sleeping, and reading at least 1 book per week. My room is a mess, I have plates filled with remnants of food since 2 weeks ago resting on my bed, my floor is decorated with dirty clothes, pizza boxes, and more plates, forks, and bowls. I have a serious nicotine addiction and I´ve developed a bizarre sense of hypochondriasis since, when I wake up, my heart usually pounds really fast. In conversations around my house I usually mentioned that i´m sick or closer to death because i have undiagnosed heart problems and my mother gets mad at my comments. I´m bored and too apathetic to even kill myself, which seems like a huge hurdle for my family (that still loves me), plus, it´s always too late to kill yourself as Cioran said.
I´m 21 years old, I don´t know how to drive, cook, or work and I´m still a virgin but I don´t feel rage about it, I´m just numb with an almost zen-like indifference towards women. I´ve become almost an asexual, de-sexualized being, and I don´t have FOMO or expectations regarding having or not having sex. I´m the Nietzschean last man. Sometimes I fantasized about being stuck in a machine that serves as a simulation that makes you live inside of a video-game (in this case maplestory). Sometimes I just fantasized about being in island just by myself with books and video-games. I´ve become weirdly introspective and the idea of being a vagabond, a solitary priest, or a current day saint of the desert sounds attractive, but I don´t believe in God.
I´m not satisfied with my life yet I´m still comfortable with being a loser. I see the pictures of my irl pseudo-friends on instagram with girlfriends, going out, and having fun. i´m not resentful about it and i don´t wish to have their life neither. I just don´t care, and, as i mentioned, i don´t care enough to kill myself. I don´t goals or objectives, I don´t want to work, I don´t want to have sex, I don´t want to have a career or about looking good, and the future seems like a mere ghost.
How are you guys doing?
I´m 21 years old, I don´t know how to drive, cook, or work and I´m still a virgin but I don´t feel rage about it, I´m just numb with an almost zen-like indifference towards women. I´ve become almost an asexual, de-sexualized being, and I don´t have FOMO or expectations regarding having or not having sex. I´m the Nietzschean last man. Sometimes I fantasized about being stuck in a machine that serves as a simulation that makes you live inside of a video-game (in this case maplestory). Sometimes I just fantasized about being in island just by myself with books and video-games. I´ve become weirdly introspective and the idea of being a vagabond, a solitary priest, or a current day saint of the desert sounds attractive, but I don´t believe in God.
I´m not satisfied with my life yet I´m still comfortable with being a loser. I see the pictures of my irl pseudo-friends on instagram with girlfriends, going out, and having fun. i´m not resentful about it and i don´t wish to have their life neither. I just don´t care, and, as i mentioned, i don´t care enough to kill myself. I don´t goals or objectives, I don´t want to work, I don´t want to have sex, I don´t want to have a career or about looking good, and the future seems like a mere ghost.
How are you guys doing?
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