ServusLuciferi
Banned
-
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2022
- Posts
- 568
Sometimes truth is bitter.
So all throughout my life, because of how alone and bullied I was (also had seizures which 100% fucked up my brain's ability to execute shit), I would try to bring joy to others through goofy self-deprecation. I did this because hey, despite the pain I feel, bringing a smile to someone else made me feel like my life had some utility.
Today my friend got blunt with me today. He told me that he liked me, but I was embarassing to be with socially. He said that everyone laughs at me, not with me. He said:
1. It's embarrassing being self-deprecating, because people take it literally and find it embarrassing.
2. I have a loud voice and often stutter while I do it.
He explained, quite frankly, he would've kicked me out of his life if he didn't enjoy having conversations with me, and that he keeps me at a distance to prevent me from embarrassing him around his peers.
All those laughs that I've given throughout my life, most of them were teenage level dickwads who legitimately were laughing at me because none of them understood humor in the way I did. I always found self-deprecating comedians funny because I thought they were saying something contrary to expectations. Most adult manchildren find comedians funny because they literally think the comedian is embarrassing themselves.
I'm crying and drinking right now. Ah well. Gotta shed this part of me, and hopefully I just move on from all the people in my past (and present). There's no redeeming yourself after a bad first impression.
So all throughout my life, because of how alone and bullied I was (also had seizures which 100% fucked up my brain's ability to execute shit), I would try to bring joy to others through goofy self-deprecation. I did this because hey, despite the pain I feel, bringing a smile to someone else made me feel like my life had some utility.
Today my friend got blunt with me today. He told me that he liked me, but I was embarassing to be with socially. He said that everyone laughs at me, not with me. He said:
1. It's embarrassing being self-deprecating, because people take it literally and find it embarrassing.
2. I have a loud voice and often stutter while I do it.
He explained, quite frankly, he would've kicked me out of his life if he didn't enjoy having conversations with me, and that he keeps me at a distance to prevent me from embarrassing him around his peers.
All those laughs that I've given throughout my life, most of them were teenage level dickwads who legitimately were laughing at me because none of them understood humor in the way I did. I always found self-deprecating comedians funny because I thought they were saying something contrary to expectations. Most adult manchildren find comedians funny because they literally think the comedian is embarrassing themselves.
I'm crying and drinking right now. Ah well. Gotta shed this part of me, and hopefully I just move on from all the people in my past (and present). There's no redeeming yourself after a bad first impression.
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