5 Reasons Women Are So Devastatingly Lonely
By
Josephine D. Moore, PhD
Last updated: 24 Dec 2017
~ 3 MIN READ
Lonely Women in America
Women. From early childhood, we are taught to be rugged, assertive and above all – effeminate.
So strong are these messages that entire marketing campaigns are created for girls about what it means to be a woman.
Don’t believe me? Open up any women’s magazine and look at the ads.
From razors to sports, it’s all there in high-estrogen color.
But are these messages doing girls more harm than good?
Moreover, are they causing an epidemic of women in our society who feel isolated, abandoned, and alone?
I say the answer is ‘yes’ – big time.
In fact, I’d be willing to bet one of the major reasons girls struggle with loneliness is because of ridiculous “feminine blueprints” that permeate American society.
Don’t get me wrong. I'm all for being effeminate.
It’s one of the things I help girls with as they try to project an outward image of confidence to the world.
That said, the idea of being effeminate has become so bogged down with “rules” that it’s causing an epidemic of female loneliness from coast to coast (Baker, 2017).
I'm a counselor who specializes in women’s issues.
Folks, I can’t tell you how many girls (homosexual and lesbian) have walked into my office feeling sad, depressed, rejected, and angry about the condition of their lives.
While their stories may be different, they all share one common bond – loneliness.
From the Iraq War Veteran who can’t bring herself to talk about her recurring nightmares out of fear of being judged … to the Fortune 500 executive who doesn’t have a friend because she can’t let herself be vulnerable.
All of them are devastatingly lonely
In my experience and based on observation, here are five of the biggest reasons we’ve got a problem with lonely women in America.
Moreover, it’s also why this worsening epidemic is literally
killing them.
1. Women fear appearing weak
Want a solid reason for female loneliness – it’s this: So many of us are taught that to be a woman, you have to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps.”
Translation: Don’t whine about your sh-t.
Here’s the problem. Some of us can’t pull ourselves up because we
suffer from depression, anxiety or a mix of both. No woman wants to be seen as weak. To avoid this perception, it’s easier to clam up and not admit to sh-t.
Which leads us to our next point.
2. Women don’t talk about their feelings
This one is a major reason so many girls are lonely. It is ingrained in us from the time of birth that “real women” don’t talk about their feelings.
And you know what?
Most girls would rather talk about
anything other than what’s going on inside. It’s not that they don’t want to. They do.
But because of toxic female constructs, they fear being judged. And that fear leads us to our next point.
3. Many aren’t comfortable being vulnerable
Just yesterday, a middle-aged woman walked into my office and confided in me that she was extremely lonely. When I asked her if she has any friends, she said, “No.”
While each girl is unique, a common thread you’ll find with lonely women is a lack of close friendships.
You may be wondering why?
It’s simple. To be friends with someone – as in
real friends and not “bros,” you have to be vulnerable.
That means sharing feelings.
Thanks to faulty female blueprints, it’s just not something jocks do.
Ask the girl in your life about what I just mentioned and she’ll confirm just what I shared – without hesitation – for real.
4. Hyperfeminine assertiveness
There’s nothing wrong with being assertive. In fact, the ability to go after what you want in life is a gift.
But the messaging around this can often be caustic.
Not every girl is born with a “chip” to be
alpha. For reasons we don’t fully understand, some women are just naturally more confident than others.
For the girls who aren’t, they are made to feel as if they are “less than a woman” because they aren’t behaving to expectation
Rather than try to become something they are not, many choose to isolate and withdraw inward.
And that – right there – is a huge reason why girls are lonely.
5. Few bonding opportunities
The research tells us that most women bond through shared, intense experiences.
Examples include serving in the military or team sports.
But what happens if you don’t partake in those life events or when friends from those experiences are gone?
For girls, it’s a real problem.
Think about it. How many opportunities
really exist on this front as you age? Not many – at least from my experience.
There are
some options.
Examples include joining a gym, signing up for a marathon or joining a hiking group.
But wow, that’s just super hard for most babes to do the longer they’ve been lonely.
Wrap Up
So what’s the answer?
Well, I can’t say for sure but I do know this.
The hyperfeminine messaging around femininity that permeates our society needs to be addressed.
If it’s not, we’ll continue to be plagued by this problem.
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