Today I was at my lowest point of thinking about death, sadness, and even suicide, and now I think I've found self-acceptance with who I am totally.
I posted here a while ago about self-acceptance.
I initially came to self-acceptance over the fact that I was ugly and was socially regressed.
I did not come to self-acceptance over just how ugly I was. Seriously, I think BO2cel mogs me on some of his better photos, despite me being tall. I look like an uglier Vladimir Putin. I do not look at all like an "average" guy, which means that I am very very ugly. Nor did I come to terms with how intelligent I was; I know I'm significantly above average, but I'm not a genius. Nor did I come to terms of how socially stunted I am and how I won't have even the option to betabux / America's definition of "success" - which I believe is an objective definition of success.
No woman will ever view me like a mature adult due to all of this. If I ever get married or settle down, it will have to be with a woman who isn't physically attracted to me, but who loves me for me; she probably will never want to have kids or can't have kids, nor want sex with me.
I will always be a manchild and always will be viewed as such by my parents, my siblings, my friends. I will never have a genuine friendship that is passed my social skill level without there being a paternalistic hierarchy over me.
I accept the fact that most people will reject me.
I fully think I have one of the worst lots in life; people who are my level of ugliness usually aren't intelligent enough to realize how they can't socially function or how they look or what's the typical pathway of it being human.
And I have to watch men my age around me get things I always dreamt about. Love, friendship, romance, financial success, validation as a human being, even being able to see the woman you give your love to bring forth new life that's a reflection of the love you share between, bringing happiness to people on a genuine level like getting a drink with someone and talking about your family life. I have to be reminded of the fact that I am surrounded by hawks and sparrows. All through a window, while society constantly reminds me I'm a stunted duck that's only being carried around by the mother because she cares.
My mom asked me today to go canoeing this weekend. I'm going to, and I'll enjoy every second of it while she's still here because she's still here.
I know that as long as I bring happiness to other people on some level, and that my suicide will bring them sadness, I can't do it.
I posted here a while ago about self-acceptance.
I initially came to self-acceptance over the fact that I was ugly and was socially regressed.
I did not come to self-acceptance over just how ugly I was. Seriously, I think BO2cel mogs me on some of his better photos, despite me being tall. I look like an uglier Vladimir Putin. I do not look at all like an "average" guy, which means that I am very very ugly. Nor did I come to terms with how intelligent I was; I know I'm significantly above average, but I'm not a genius. Nor did I come to terms of how socially stunted I am and how I won't have even the option to betabux / America's definition of "success" - which I believe is an objective definition of success.
No woman will ever view me like a mature adult due to all of this. If I ever get married or settle down, it will have to be with a woman who isn't physically attracted to me, but who loves me for me; she probably will never want to have kids or can't have kids, nor want sex with me.
I will always be a manchild and always will be viewed as such by my parents, my siblings, my friends. I will never have a genuine friendship that is passed my social skill level without there being a paternalistic hierarchy over me.
I accept the fact that most people will reject me.
I fully think I have one of the worst lots in life; people who are my level of ugliness usually aren't intelligent enough to realize how they can't socially function or how they look or what's the typical pathway of it being human.
And I have to watch men my age around me get things I always dreamt about. Love, friendship, romance, financial success, validation as a human being, even being able to see the woman you give your love to bring forth new life that's a reflection of the love you share between, bringing happiness to people on a genuine level like getting a drink with someone and talking about your family life. I have to be reminded of the fact that I am surrounded by hawks and sparrows. All through a window, while society constantly reminds me I'm a stunted duck that's only being carried around by the mother because she cares.
My mom asked me today to go canoeing this weekend. I'm going to, and I'll enjoy every second of it while she's still here because she's still here.
I know that as long as I bring happiness to other people on some level, and that my suicide will bring them sadness, I can't do it.
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